Finding Joy

A Prayer for Him

I want to say a prayer for him.
I pray I can wrangle my thoughts for him.
That way, they won't trap me nor ensnare him.
I pray I can gain the patience to build something
meaningful instead of rushing things with him.
That way, I quit belittling myself in the meantime.
I pray I can control my impulses to speak unnecessarily so that it doesn't cause him to be cautious with me.
That way, we can feel safe in our freedom of speech.
I pray that I will provide stepping stones along my walls safe enough for him to climb.
That way, I won't fence him out but ensure he'll see parts of me that's impossible for others to find.
I pray for my insecurities to not become my security, guarding me from any positive interaction from him.
That way, I don't exhaust his breath or waste his words.
I pray to gift him the reassurance he waited to be handed over to him since he was a child. That way, he won't need to experience his pain as a one player game.
I pray for my brain to straighten up and clear out space. That way, I won't overwhelm him with my burdens but make room to help him carry his.

I want to say a prayer for him.
I pray for him to be encouraging to himself.
I pray for him to nuture himself.
I pray for him to decorate his comfort zone while making plans to expand and rebuild it.
I pray for him to only be a better man for one Jehovah.
I pray for him to only think the best thoughts when he sees his reflection.
I pray for him to go easy on himself.
I pray for him to push for the gold whatever he finds his gold to be.
I pray for him to clothe himself in the world's finest compliments. Wear them proud.
I pray for him to soar whenever he feels heavily bolted to the ground.
I pray for him to find his joy.
I pray for his eyes to feel heavy, his mind to empty and his ears to go deaf each time his head hits the pillow.
I pray for calm, steady, easy breaths no matter how hard he has to fight.
I pray for him to be surrounded and supported. Not just surrounded by people but never supported by his people.
I pray for him to reach his goals.
I pray for him to continue refining the gem of a heart and mind God stored in him.

I pray for all these things because I want it to be him.
Because I want it to be him.
I pray for him.
He is my prayer.

But the ultimate prayer comes when I desired him to have and to find his peace. So I closed my eyes and prayed to let him go because ultimately, lastly, admittedly, it hurts, but it's true,
His complete peace won't ever come to be if he decided to be with me.

I want to say a prayer for him.

I pray for him to disappear and forget about me.