Future???

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Authors note
So you don't get confused, it is back to Darcy's point of view now.

Chapter 12:

"Would you like some syrup on your pancakes?"
"No thanks mum, just plain please."
I have started to gain my appetite back since being in the hospital a week ago.
I don't know much about what happened, and I don't ever want to know. All that matters is that I'm here now, and I don't have to worry about the past.
They let me go home a few days after I woke up. As soon as I was awake I made significant progress, and was well enough to go home. Ben was with me the whole time,And I couldn't have done it without him.
He's coming over later and we're just going to chat, and chill for a bit. Enjoy our last few days of summer before going off to college.
I have missed all of the open days for college, so I'm quite nervous. I have no clue where I'm going or what any of the teachers are like.
But Ben's going to make sure I'm okay most of the time.
Although I still  have to try and get my mum to agree with me that I'm fine to go.
The doctors say I have to stay at home for a few more weeks, but I feel fine and just want to go.
I mean I don't know really how bad it was, and in ways I want to know. But in ways I don't.

After I finish eating my pancakes I lie back on the sofa and carry on watching my favourite TV program; Friends.
I could watch it for hours on end, the storylines are just so incredible and realistic. Although they seem to miss out one important thing, nobody ever got sick.I found out that over 40% of men and women are at risk of getting Cancer in their lifetime.
If friends was real, then it would have at least been mentioned once. But I guess it's the same for all TV programmes really. Everyone's lives are perfect. They only pick people to go on TV programmes if they have perfect, smooth skin. If they're not too fat. If they are a certain height, and if they're perfectly healthy.
Kids like me don't have a chance, most kids like me don't even have a future?
Future? Future?
It's just occurred to me, I haven't really thought about my future since I've had Cancer. I thought I had it all planned out.
I wanted my life to evolve around helping sick people feel better and smile. But now I've been on the other end of it, I'm not too sure if its something I would enjoy anymore.

But Ben's coming soon, and he's good with all this type of stuff, so I will just ask him for his advice.

--

About half an hour later I have just finished my lunch and I hear a knock at the door. I rush to it using my skinny legs, forgetting that I'm still not fully recovered, and have had serious surgery less than 2 weeks ago.
I have to stop to catch my breath back,
But then I open the door and am greeted with a large smile.
Ben picks me up by my hips and twirls me around, then with my feet dangling in the air he bends his arms so my lips meet his.
It's going well until we here "cough cough" a really sarcastic comment from my mother. "Mother still in the House here."
"Sorry mum. But-"
"Oh it's okay really. Hi ben it's nice to see you again. Are you almost ready for college?"
"Yes I'm all packed and ready to go. Me and Darcy are going to have an amazing time together."
"Oh, well Darcy's not coming to college for a few weeks yet."
Ben mumbles quietly to me "what!" Whilst still smiling at my mum.
Then I mumble back, "I will explain in a minute."
"Yeah the doctor says she needs to stay at home for a little while longer to let her recover fully." My mum finishes off her sentence and then we finally head upstairs to my room.

As soon as we make it upstairs ben loudly slams my door shut and shouts "your not coming to the first few weeks of college."
"Ben... I can't help it. It's not my fault that it's taking a while for my liver to heal."
"I know, I know. But I need you there. We need each other."
"Look okay...I'm working on it. I'm really trying to persuade her to let me go. Because believe me, If I could go I would. Id do anything to get out of the house and be with friends again."
"Okay... Sorry. Guess I'm just really desperate to show you off to all my friends. I have the most wonderful girlfriend."
"And I have the most wonderful boyfriend."

After chatting and laughing for a few hours, we finally get onto the more serious stuff.
"Ben... Can I get your advice on something?"
" of course. Anything."
"Great so it's just... I don't know what to do anymore."
"What do you mean?"
" I thought I had my whole life mapped out, I wanted to be a doctor. That helped seriously ill patients. But I'm now starting to rethink that."
"You can still be a doctor Darcy, just because you had Cancer, it doesn't make a difference."
"Have... Cancer. Not had."
"I know, but you will get rid of it someday, you know that"
"I know. Well, I hope."
"Stay positive Darcy, the door to your future hasn't fully shut yet, you have many wide opportunities. Your good grades can get you into practically anything you want."
"I know I know. But now I don't know what I want. I certainly don't want to spend my whole life working in a hospital anymore. Not since that's where my childhood is being spent."
"Well, whatever you decide to do, I support you on it."
"Thanks, ben. I really appreciate it."

With my future still uncertain, me and ben make our way down to the garden to make the most of the last rays of sunshine we will see all year.
This is Due to that fact that we're going  to be trapped inside of classrooms all of the time.
Although, it doesn't seem to be that bad of a thing anymore. I used to hate going into school everyday, but now... I'm kind of looking forward to it. Any place that isn't the hospital is a good place.
Cancer has opened my eyes up to a whole new world, and I'm interested to learn more about it.
It turns out, that the world I originally  knew, isn't as pleasant as the world I now know.
When I left school, I was a normal teenager, who believed the world was all about boys, and making a living.
But now, I'm entering school as a Cancer kid. A kid who has seen more things, than most will experience in their lifetimes.

--

"It sure has been a long summer hasn't it!" Says ben.
"It certainly has. And not just because of my Cancer, it's probably due to the fact that we left in May and not July."
"Yeah, but the Cancer situation certainly helped out as well."
See... Me and ben have been on the gifted and talented list since we were in primary school. This meant that we completed most of our GCSE's in year 10, rather than year 11. So our last year of school (year 11) was quite a relaxing one, as we only had a couple of exams to worry about.
All the kids on the list did the rest of their GCSE's in early May time. And at the end of the month, we got to go on a trip to the woods. Which ironically ended up being the trip that changed my life forever.
I left my house, happy and healthy, and then returned with Cancer cells that are now threatening my life.
Me and Ben have been on the list together for years, but we have never crossed paths. I noticed him from the first day in primary school, and i don't think he even noticed me until that day where I tripped up on the bus.
But look at us now. We're a couple, and could not be more perfect for each other.

Our next step together is college. College is kind of the breaking point for most students. It will either make you or break you.
But I don't need college for that. I have Cancer. And it's broken me in more ways than anything else could.
My future starts at college, and it's up to the student to decide whether their going to have a good one or not.
But sadly that's not the case for me, it's not really my choice whether I have a future or not. I have to leave it up to fete.
My future remains uncertain, and it's uncertainty that scares me the most.

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