One sick love story

Side effects

This morning it was just too hard to get out of bed.
I thought about it... But then stopped thinking. My mind was just filled with negative thoughts (again).
'Sadies going to die. I feel like s***, I don't want to be here'.
I try and stay positive for my family, but in the end I just give up. I can't keep pretending I feel well for them, because I don't. And I think my mums figured that out this morning.
"Darling, would you like anything to drink. Or maybe some breakfast?"
"No that's okay mum, I just want to sleep."
Mum and luke stayed with me last night, ben had to go home, he had college work to catch up on.
No nurses have come in yet, it's still early. I feel even worse than yesterday, I know it's just the drugs, but it's pretty awful. I've been told by people who have previously had Cancer that the drugs are actually worse than the Cancer itself.
Luke is still asleep, he's wrapped up in a ball on a spare bed next to mine.
My mum is constantly staring up at me, whilst holding my hand.
"You alright darling?" She asks concerningly.
It takes some effort, but I reply "yes mum, just tired."
But no matter what I say, she still looks concerned. Maybe there's something  she can see that I can't. Something on the outside. Maybe I've gone paler, or thinner. Or just generally look like a really sick Cancer patient.
Trying to sleep, I half shut my eyes, so I can still look at my mum and what she's doing. She's not taking her eyes off of me. But I guess i would be doing the same if i was in her situation.

The awkward silence is broken when an oncoligist (but not Dr kartor) comes through the door.
My mum quickly stands up and turns to him. But not letting go of my hand for a single second.
"Oh doctor, thank god. I don't think she's feeling very well. Can you do something?"
"Well... Let's have a look first shall we."
I squint my eyes so I can see what's going on.
"Alright Darcy, what's the problem then?" He scans my broken body, searching for a problem that isn't there.
"I just feel sick. It's just the chemo" I mutter.
"okay, well we can give you some more anti neasuea meds, but are you sure there's nothing else going on?"
"I'm sure. Just want to sleep."
"Alright, that's fine, you do that. We will try not to disturb you too much. Nurse hardy will be in in around half an hour to start you on the chemo okay. Then we'll try and leave you alone."
The doctor leaves, but my mum still looks concerned.
I want to go back to sleep, but there's no way I'll be able to if I know she's worrying.

-

I think I've been asleep. But it can't have been for very long, as my mum is still sitting in the same place and luke is still sleeping.
She's talking on the phone to someone, but I can't figure out who " the only person she will probably want to listen and talk to is you. I think she's okay, but I can never get the full truth out of her. Can you just please come, and see if she's alright. I know she'll speak to you?"
I hear a small mumble coming through the phone, then she switches the phone off.
It's obviously ben. I don't have anyone else who cares about me as much as my mum was describing.
It has annoyed me though, because I am telling the truth to my mum. I'm not lying, I genuinely do just feel sick. Nothing more.
I cough a little, which alarms my mother.
"It's just a cough mum. Don't panic okay."
"Of course darling, I know."

About 15 minutes later ben arrives. I pretend to be asleep, so I can hear his and my mums conversation.
"Oh ben, glad you could come."
"Of course Sarah, you know I would do anything for her."
"Thankyou ben. I'm sure she's fine, she just feels really sick from all the medication they're giving her. I can't get much out of her so I was hoping you could."
"Well... I could try. But she's quite stubborn." I let out a little grin. I think ben notices.
"What's in the bag?" My mum asks.
"Oh just some stuff to keep her occupied and help pass the time. Hopefully it will take her mind off of things."
"Oh that sounds great. Well I'll leave you two to it for a bit, call me if anything happens."
"I will"

Mum picks up luke and carries him outside.
Ben shuffles over to me and climbs on my bed. He grabs my hand and kisses my palm multiple times.
"Hey baby girl. How you feeling?" I slowly open my eyes making it look like I've only just woken up.
"I'm alright." I mumble.
I Turn to face him but whilst still lying down. I get a bit of a shock when I see the tubes hanging down from my chest. Bella must have come in to start chemo whilst I was asleep.
"Come here Darcy" ben scrambles underneath the covers and wraps his arms around me. I sink into his warm, tense body, and breath heavily in and out. "So I know you won't want to talk about it, so let's just get on with something else" He says then pulls some DVDs out of his bag.
"What are those?"
"Just some of your favourite films I decided to bring round. Just to pass the time."
"Thanks. But I'm not really in the-"
"I know your not. But if you atleast try and do something you might surprise yourself. Just like you did yesterday when you said you didn't want to play on the wii, and ended up having a great time."
"I know, but today is different."
"Why is it different?"
"I just.... I feel sicker than yesterday. And I've been having chest pains all night, and can't stop coughing."
"Are the doctors aware of this?" I shamefully shake my head. "Well Darcy we need to tell them."
"No we don't. Can't I just have some peace today. I don't want any doctors fussing over me, I'm fed up with it."
"Alright Darcy, whatever you want. Now pick a film, and we will watch it."
He actually agrees with me for once.
Which is surprising.
I decide to watch 'despicable me 2.'I don't feel in the mood to watch 'if I stay' or 'the fault in our stars'. Why would he even bring that round? For a joke?
"I want to watch this one." I say as I weerily pass him the DVD.
"Alright then. Whatever you want!" He replies and plugs in the DVD.
Nothing can make me as happy as watching yellow minions singing, laughing, and just generally being stupid.