One sick love story

Visiting my new home

It's been a few days since ben went back to college and luke went back to school. Today I'm off to the hosptial to visit my new home for the next few months.
I'm having almost like a tour to see what I'm going to be able to do, and see whilst I'm there.
I'm also going to learn a lot more about what's actually going to happen when I'm having the transplant, and who's allowed to see me and stuff.
Ben's at college today but my mum is coming around with me. He's coming staright over after college though so I can tell him all about the transplant.

--

Me and my mum arrive at the hospital and are greeted at the door by Dr.kartor and a couple other doctors i have never seen before.
"Morning Darcy, Sarah" he shakes both of our hands "how are we both this morning?" Dr. Kartor asks.
"Alright, thanks" I reply quite sarcastically.
"Alright then, let's get started. I'd like to introduce you to Dr. Finley, and Dr.lee. They will be the ones looking after you whilst you have your transplant" me and my mum shake both their hands.
Dr.Finely is very tall, but young (compared Dr. Kartor anyway) and I would say he doesn't look half bad. I think we're going to get along well.
Dr. Lee is a women, and she's also quite young, with a smooth, pale complexion and quite small. Not much taller than me I'd say. She reminds me a lot of Bella, I'm sure we're going to get along well too.
"So Darcy, I've heard a lot about you. How are you feeling about the transplant?" The women doctors asks, sweet and kindly.
"Well... I'm not exactly sure what happens and I'm quite nervous. But I know it needs to be done"
"You're absolutely right, that's a good attitude to have. And don't worry, that's what you're here for today, we're going to explain everything to you. First, we're going to show you the room that you will be staying in... Follow me"
I defiantly feel more comfortable now knowing I'm going to get along so well with the doctors.

They take me to a part of the hospital which I have never been to before. It's in the deep depths of the hospital where only the really sick Cancer patients go.
"Here you go, this will be your room"
Dr.Lee points towards a dark, isolated room, that straight away I am intimidated by.
"You mean I have to stay in there for over a month?" I say shocked and concerned.
"Yes but it's not all bad, come inside let's have a look. "
I get taken through large, glass doors, and there's a small section on the other side filled with many sanitising equipment. "What's all this for?" I ask.
"It's what people will have to go through if they want to enter your room. No germs are allowed to enter your room, if you were to get infected it could be fatal. Even a slight cold can become a huge problem. But it's only a risk, that's why we have to do all this. You will only have to do this once because you won't be exiting your room at all, only family members and any doctors. They're the ones who are going to have to be put through this each time."
"So everytime I want to leave the room, I'm going to have to go through this?!" My mum says shocked.
"Yes, Sarah, that's why we suggest you stay in here as much as possible. Now that's a question I would like to ask both of you. Who is the one person you want to be in the room with you the whole time?"
"Wait, hold on a sec-" I say in confusion "you're saying only one person can stay with me?"
"Yes, for safety reasons."
"So no one else can come visit me?" I say concerningly whilst thinking about Ben.
"Well... They can come behind the door, there's a small phone outside your room that you can answer from inside your room. You will be able to see eachother, but not hear eachother without the phone. It's a very thick sheet of glass."
"Oh, well... Er-"
"I'm going to be the one staying with her" my mum says forcefully towards the doctor. My Mum looks at me and i can tell that she knows I'm thinking and worrying about ben. Now I know my mum is more important, I will love to have her with me the whole time, but I don't know how I'm going to deal with not seeing Ben for so long.
"Okay, well shall we move on then?" says Dr. Finley.
"Sure" I say unsurely.
He takes me around the whole room, showing me every square inch of it. I will admit that it is quite big, which is good because I know that I won't feel trapped at all. The bathroom is huge, it has a large walk in shower, and a chair also in the shower. I'm now thinking why would you need a chair? But I guess I'm going to be so sick during the transplant that i won't be able to stand up for too long.
That thought terrifies me.

After we finish the tour around my room, they show us around the whole section of the transplant area. The reception, play area, places to eat and get coffee. It's mainly all for the parents or for the siblings, as I'm not ever going to be able to leave my room.

The reality of the situation is only just dawning on me. It's going to be long. It's going to be hard.
Will it be impossible?

--

I'm now back at home, but I was at the hosptial for a very long time after the tour. I went back to Dr. Lee's office, and she explained to me everything that is going to happen. It was a very long speech, with a lot of information.
So I'll just break it down a little bit.

So... Basically this is what is going to happen.
I will be admitted to hosptial 1 week before the transplant is actually going to happen. Then I will receive chemotherapy to get rid of any existing Cancer cells, and unhealthy cells. It will also get rid of my immune system, that's why I will have to stay in hosptial in isolation so I don't catch anything. If i do, it could be fatal, as I won't have an immune system to fight it off.
Then a few days after finishing chemotherapy I will begin the transplant. The new bone marrow will be given through my port. Just like when I have things like blood transfusions and fluids and that, but it will have a lot of side effects.
Because of the chemo I am going to lose all my hair, feel sick and be tired all the time, get mouth sores, headaches.
Yep... Can't wait!
The bone marrow will be given to me over 1 week, in sessions everyday.
Even though the actual transplant might not be too long, I will have to stay in isolation for atleast another month, depending on how successful it was.
I will be closely monitored, have loads of scans, and hope that it has worked!

Now the bit that I am not pleased about, and I know ben won't be pleased about, is who I'm allowed to see during the transplant. Only my mum is allowed in with me due to risk of infection and things. Anyone who wants to see me has to go through this whole germ-freeing process. I don't know if I would want ben to go through all that. I'm not going to be able to see him properly over a month. I don't know how I'm going to deal with it. We can't go through this together if we're only allowed to see eachother through a thick sheet of glass.
I don't know how I will tell him, he won't accept it. I know he won't.
But he's coming over in a minute so I'm going to just have to say it.

--

I'm staring up at him, as I have my head on his chest. I feel every beat through his thick chest, and slowly rise up and down as he inhales and exhales air into his lungs. I envy how they work so well, how there's nothing in the way from air getting in and out of his body.
Then he suddenly looks down and glares into my tear-filled eyes.
"What's wrong darling?" He says with his soothing tone whilst sliding my wooly hat out of my eyes.
"Um... There's something I need to talk to you about."
I instantly feel his breath increase as his chest lifts me up higher.
Then i shuffle back up so I'm now face to face with him.
"Are you alright?" He asks sounding extremely concerned.
"Of course, I'm fine. But I just need to tell you all the arrangements for the transplant and everything."
"Of course, tell me"
I look away from his beaming eyes as I say this. "I'm not going to be able to see you ben"
"Wait what! what are you talking about?"
"I'm only allowed one person in the isolation room with me... And obviously it has to be my mum."
"But-"
"There are still ways you can see me"
"But nothing, I'm not accepting this, there's no way I'm not going to be able to not be by your side for a month!" He says sounding angry.
"but there's nothing I can do about it ben. We're just going to have to deal with it-"
"No, there's got to be some way."
"Well you can speak to me through a phone next to my bedroom. But it's just too dangerous for me to have contact with anyone."
"I'll do anything, there's got to be something."
"Ben, listen to me" I gently lay my hand on his chest and feel a large increase in his heart rhythm. "Ben it's going to be okay. It's the only way I'm going to be able to get better" He refuses to reply, but turns back to me with his puppy-dog eyes. "I will be okay, we can FaceTime everyday if you like"
"But that's not-"
"I know that's not the same, but it's something. It's either that or nothing. There's no point moaning about it because that's just the way things are going to be... It will be for the best... I promise. You need to focus on college and your future, I'm not going anywhere....okay?"
I feel his heart slowly go back to its original Rythm. Which causes me to let out a relieving sigh.
"But Darcy-"
"Shhh, it's going to be alright"
He slowly nods his head, then grabs hold of my arms and brings his lips closer to mine.  Gently, I lay on to my back, whilst we comfort eachother in eachothers arms...