One sick love story

One step closer...

Waking up alone. For the second time this week.
It's my third day in the hospital. And it's not been fun.
I ended up openly admitting about my 'episode' of drinking I had that night. It was badly interfering with my chemo, I wouldn't stop throwing up.
I've stopped this morning though, which is great.

I haven't seen Dr. Kartor at all this week. He's probably still grieving over Sadie, hopefully not in the same way I was.
Instead, I've had loads of other doctors come into my room, to ask me how I'm feeling, and wether I'm feeling cold or not, or... Just loads of questions which they have to ask like 5 times a day. Just to make it official.
I'm so grouchy, like an old man. You've probably noticed, all I can do is moan lately. It's probably just my hormones, they've been all over the place.
Basically, chemo messes with your whole fertility system, I skip periods, have too many periods. And basically just want to cry for no reason... all of the time.
Yeah... Cancers great. As you have probably already figured out.

I'm having an MRI scan today, they're going to see wether the stronger chemo is reducing the Cancer in my lungs. It probably isn't. I mean... That's just my luck. Sorry for the negativity. Again.

I try and remain hopeful as I enter the hollow, white tube that is to determine my future.
When in the scanner, you get to choose a radio station to listen to. It's usually a choice between radio 1 and capital.
I always choose capital. So for today , I think I'll go for something different.
Immediately I regret my decision.
I now have 1 and a half hours of listening to old songs that used to be popular once... But are now certainly not.

--

Back in my room, fiddling with my port, and wondering where my life went.
I scroll through Instagram, and see all my 'friends' having a great time at college. A place I wanted to be.
I don't really post much on Instagram or Facebook. I post the odd snapchat from time to Time. But be honest... Who actually pays attention to all there snapchat stories. I don't. I just click through them as fast as I can, so many pointless videos of what you had for dinner, and how cute your cat looks. They bore me. Even though when you go to do it yourself, you think it will be an interesting thing to post, you think that people actually might pay some attention to your life. But it never happens.
I decide to post something on Instagram to prove this theory.
But it proves more difficult than once thought. I spend hours trying to get a good angle for a selfie, and when I finally do, I look hideous anyway.
Screw it, whatever you take now, You have to post.
So I take a selfie. It's not too bad. Atleast I don't have to worry what way to flick my hair back. You can see a slight bit of my port, which I guess is kind of good, cause then it gets people to feel sorry for you. I'm in my stinky hospital gown, which makes me look sicker than I probably am. But that's the time when you get the most sympathy isn't it? When your looking your worst. Be honest. If your ill, you want to post something about it so you can get loads of private messages to say 'get well soon' or 'love you ' and 'missed you so much at school today'.
If your sick, you want people to know how sick.
You see all those Cancer adverts. Pictures of little kids with bald heads, and tubes coming from their chest. They only show that to make you feel sorry for them. Which you should. Cause they have Cancer. Of course. But ...
Basically... The Internet is full of lies. It can make things seem so much more amazing than it actually is. Or so much worse. My friend posts pics on Facebook all the time of her going to parties and getting drunk. I sometimes get jealous. I will admit. But when you actually go to one of those parties, it's boring as hell. The few seconds before and after that pic, you feel like s***. And all your probably thinking about is what status your going to put later about this 'amazing' party.
Anyway... Enough about that. But I've got a point.
I post the pic anyway. I then shut my phone off and see how many likes it can get. If any.

--

A few doctors come in holding some paper work. I'm guessing it's the results of my MRI.
"Let's just get on with it then. Tell me the bad news."
"Darcy... It's not bad news." Speaks the sweet nurse who is always trying to be positive no matter what. You would think that that would be a good thing, but trust me... It gets annoying.
"So come on then, tell me this 'great' news."
"We have to wait for Dr. Kartor first."
"Wait... Dr. Kartor's here?"
"Yeah, well... Most of him."
He enters through my door looking like he's been to hell and back. I'm guessing he made a few stupid decisions during the process of grieving over Sadie.
He hasn't shaved (and let's just say that he doesn't look good with a beard) and his uniform isn't tucked in (and that is definitely not like him).
"Hi... Dr, kartor." I say cautiously.
"Right... Darcy. We've all had a good look at your scan." He says but I don't believe that he's looked at it in as much detail as he would usually. Given his condition.
"It's alright darcy, we have all checked it over. " the sweet nurse whispers to me.
"Great, so what's the news then?" I say preparing myself for another bomb to go off Infront of my face.
"I'm happy to say-" okay he's never started a sentence like that before "the chemo is being successful in reducing the Cancer in your lungs. I'd say we're over 3 quaters of the way there."
"Really?" I say looking at all the other doctors not knowing wether to believe it or not.
"It's true darcy. Now you get some rest, you deserve it."
I nod and watch them all leave the room slowly.

With a large grin pinned to my face I pick up my phone and immediately call ben.
"Hey. What's up baby girl? Everything alright?"
"Great actually ben"
"Really?" He says overly shocked.
"Yes... I know it's going to be hard to believe but I've had some really good news."
"No way, well tell me then." He sounded odly camp as he said that.
"The cancer is starting to disappear. I'm getting better ben, finally, it's almost over."
"That's great darcy. I wish I was there but-"
"I mean I could actually do this... I ... I could beat this. "
"I knew you could darcy, I've known it all along. It's only you who has doubted yourself."
"I know, I know. I wish you were here so I could have told you in person."
"Same... But hey, I've just had a great idea. "
"What?"
"We need to celebrate this. Let's have a party."
"Hold on there ben, I think I've done enough partying for the rest of the year Thankyou very much."
"Come on darcy, it will be fun. You had so much fun the other night."
"Yeah... But then in the morning I spent 6 hours throwing up."
"Oh well... Maybe I'll just take you out to dinner or something."
"Yeah, surprise me."
"Great, I've got to go now I'm in class and shouldn't really be talking, but I'll ring you as soon as I get home."
"Thanks ben, love you."
"Love you more."
"Love you even more"
"No I-"
And my phone died. Oh well! Someone had to end the conversation.

Finally, something great happening in my life. Maybe this new year, will be better.
I'm One step closer to my New Years resolution. Stay alive.
Even though the destination is still quite far away. I can get there.
I need to Remeber to stop moaning about all the chemo and things I have to go through. It's no ones fault I got Cancer, it just happened.
It's just another mountain that I need to climb over. Even if I'm to fall down , I'm already so high up that I won't ever go back to the beginning. I've been having treatment now for over 6 months. I'm not going to throw it all away. Even if it's 6 months more, I need to carry on climbing. I can't just stop whilst hanging over the edge. Because I will fall, at some point. And then the first part would have all been pointless.
Ben is like the rope, he helps pull me back up even when I start to fall down. He's kept me going. Without him, I wouldn't have been able to come so far.

And that's why I love him.

--

I wake up this morning and the first thing I do is check my Instagram photo to see how many likes I got.
I refresh the page to find "174" likes on this one photo. And many comments like;
"oh darcy this is so beautiful"
"We miss you at school."
"Hope you get better soon."
"F*** Cancer"
It's always nice to have support. But I was right though, wasn't i?
That's the most likes I've ever got in my entire life, I am proud if I ever reach to 30 let alone 100!

Whilst scrolling through all the nice comments ben starts ringing me.
"Hey ben, you alright?"
"No, darcy no."
"Why babe what's wrong?"
"I need some advice, someone... They've"
"They've what?"
"My dad...he's..."

Authors note:
Sorry guys, cliff hanger I know.
But stay tuned for the next part,
Things are about to take an unexpected turn!!!