One sick love story

Life can be beautiful

It's officially holiday time!

Luke is off school for two whole weeks. And today it is Easter!!!

I invited ben round on this special day, to come for an Easter egg hunt in our back garden.
We do one every year. It's become a sort of tradition. I'll never forget when my dad used to hide in the bushes and jump out at us when we were looking for eggs. He would pick us up, twirl us around, then put some chocolate in our baskets.
It's great to have a younger sibling because we can still enjoy all the holidays like eater and Christmas, because there's still that little bit of magic. You get to feel like you're a kid again, and for one day, you truly do believe.

Me and luke have collected our eggs, now he is busy scoffing them in his bedroom.
I'm still not feeling up to eating much chocolate yet. Cancer doesn't end straight after remission. The tablets are making me feel a bit ill. Not too bad, just the same as I would when I was in the hospital really. But it's easier to deal with because now I'm at home surrounded by family.

I've been lying with my head in Ben's lap for the past hour. I haven't said anything to him but I think he can tell I don't feel great.
"So... Any big plans for the holidays?" Ben asks me.
"Not really, other than being with you of course, I'm just going to enjoy not being trapped in the hospital, and having some freedom before I go back to college."
"It's going to be great now that you're there. We can see eachother even more often now. It's great not having to worry about you every day whilst you are at home or in hospital feeling sick. I always worried that something would happen whilst I wasn't around. But now you can be with me, I can keep you safe."
I just smile, then think in my head,
I'm strong enough to look after myself, I don't need anyone to protect me. But it's sweet, what he's just said, so I won't comment.

Today, me, mum and luke are all going to the beach. There's a mini fairground there, only open in the holidays. Luke has always wanted to go, but we've never really had time to take him. So we're going today. Obviously I wanted to invite ben. But my mum said she wants it to be just a family thing. Even though ben is a big part of our family now, she wants to spend some time with just her kids.
We're going to be able to go out like a normal family again. It's been too long.

Ben heads off back home, then we get in the car ready for our day out. Luckily it's quite sunny today, and for England that's rare. So we're making the most of it.
We arrive at the beach and it is extremely busy. There are loads of kids paddling and swimming in the sea. And there's a large fairground just across the road. It's got a few good rides, and some stalls to have fun at.
"so where do you want to go first?" I ask luke.
"The rides the rides, I want to go on that massive one."
He runs over and my mum pays for the tickets. It's not very expensive which is good, because we're still in a lot of debt at the moment because of all my treatments. He grabs my hand and pulls me over to the biggest ride here. It's a large roller coaster, it goes up and down, and there are a lot of sharp turns.
"I don't know luke, it looks a bit scary."
"No it looks fun, please can we go."
"I don't know if I can, I might be sick."
Luke's face just dropped, he looks like he's going to cry. "What's wrong?"
"But... But... But you said you weren't sick anymore?"
He is right, I did say that. I can't let him down now, I made him a promise.
"Okay luke, I will go on it."
"Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou. Come on then let's go!"
He drags me over and we sit in the seat together. It's quite small, but I've lost a lot of weight since I've had Cancer so I'm able to fit. Probably too much weight, but I'm sure I'll gain that back in no time.He holds my hand for reassurance. As we start going up the first hill, he looks up at me terrified but also very excited.
As we tip over the edge, his grip gets tighter. I grab hold of the handle bar then "ahh!" We both scream as we start speeding through the track. The wind forces itself against us and we get thrown around in our seats.
Even when the ride finishes, I can't get rid of the smile pinned to my face. It was such a rush of exhilaration. I haven't experienced so much excitement in a very long time.
And that was only the beginning...

Luke pulled me around on to lots of different rides. Some that span, faster than I knew rides could go.
Some that went upsidown, and some that were very bumpy.
I had such a good time, we finished off at the park with playing a few games. Like the ones where you have to try and win prizes. I managed to win luke a toy duck at that hook a duck game. It's all a matter of luck which duck you
Pick. My luck was actually quite good, considering it hasn't been for the past year.
Things are finally starting to go my way.

However this isn't enough for luke. I'm about to go back in the car and rest, but now he's begging to go to the beach. Even though it's early evening, it's still quite warm.
We settle ourselves on a blanket on the hot sand, and I lie down and relax.
Luke runs straight towards the sea, and starts throwing stones into the crashing waves. It amazes me how much energy kids have. I wish I had made the most of those years when I was younger. But I suppose it is the same for every kid really. No one knows what years are the best of your life until they're gone. I realise it now. But like most, it's too late.
Well... Not really. I'm still a kid. 17 can still be young. A year of my life was stolen by Cancer, but it doesn't mean the rest of my life has to be. I jump up from the sand and go and join luke in the sea. I kick my shoes and socks off, and let the waves soak my feet. The way the water brushes over my toes makes me feel calm and relaxed. I sit on the edge but keeping my toes in the water. I close my eyes and just let myself be taken in by nature. Using all my senses, I explore my surroundings. The smell of the warm chips we all enjoy on a summers day at the beach. The sounds of the waves crashing against eachother  loudly but beautifully. The taste of the fresh air, flowing past my cheeks. And the feeling of earths natural beauty taking me in to become a part of it. I can finally see some good things this world can hold. I've mainly only been exposed to its evil side, but good still exists, because for a moment in the hospital I didn't think there was such thing as the word good. Nothing good has happened to me in a long time. Until now...
I'm finally appreciating the beautiful sights, and feelings, I can get from just letting myself escape from the comfort of my home. I almost forgot how to enjoy life over the past year, but today, it's all coming back to me.

My mum comes and sits with me and puts her arm around one of my shoulders. Then luke comes and joins me on the other side. They both rest their heads on to me, then we watch as the sun, slowly but gracefully, sets on the horizon...