One sick love story

Chemotherapy

Chapter 6:

I really regret not telling Ben. Because now I know it's going to be even harder to tell him, and he will be even more mad at me because I lied to him in the first place.
I still don't know when I'm planning to tell him. Maybe our date next week?
No. I don't want to ruin a good day.
This is just all too stressful. I Have too many other things on my mind at the moment to be worrying about boys.

I have a disease that could potentially kill me, but instead I'm worrying about a boy who only started liking me a few weeks ago.

I try and turn my mind to something else, but the only other I can think about at the moment is my Cancer. I'm in the car on the way to have my first chemo session. I know my life will change as of today.
Other than the odd feeling of tiredness and nausea, I've been feeling almost normal, but I know the Chemotherapy is about to change that.

My mum is practically silent the whole journey up there, luckily we only live around 20 minutes away so it's not a very long journey.

We enter the children's part of the hospital, even though I've been here before for when I broke my wrist. I still have no clue where anything actually is. Especially not the Cancer ward. It's an area of the hospital I never wanted to see.
But we go to a man who is at the reception desk telling people directions.
"Hello madam how can I help?" He asks with a lot of sympathy in his voice. But I suppose he's like that to everyone who walks through these doors as he knows coming into hospital is never for a good thing.
"Hi, can you tell us where the oncology ward is please." My mum says with a sort of shaky tone.
He looks up at her surprised, then turns to me and stares me in the eyes. Then turns back to my mum. She just nods.
"Oh okay ,it's on the third floor and when you get up there just take the second left okay."
"Thankyou" my mum replies.
As we walk away he shouts across the room "good luck".
I look back at him kind of angry, I don't like people feeling sorry for me. Even though I know it's a nice thing to do, I just hate being treated differently. I want to be seen as a normal kid. Although I know now that it will be practically impossible considering I have cancer.
I guess I'm just going to have to get used to people feeling sorry for me and asking me how I'm feeling. I need to remember this is hard on others to. Not just me.

--

Me and my mum are sitting in the waiting room anxiously waiting for my name to be called.
While my mum just stares at the empty ceiling, I am staring down at the bald kids all smiling and laughing. None of them were over 10, and all I could think to myself was, how can you be so happy. You have cancer.
I look back up and just think about how I have been acting lately. Yes I have cancer, but there is a cure. I may not die. I can still get through this. If these nine year old kids can do it and still smile then why can't i?
My name is finally called "Darcy Greenwood"
And I walk into that room with my head held up high and with a positive attitude. Having a positive attitude won't only help me, but it will also help my mum and the rest of my family stay happy. And that's what's most important to me.

--

Before I can start having my Chemotherapy they have to insert the catheter. This has to be done under anaesthetic so I'm going to be staying the night after wards.
"You ready Darcy?"
"Ready as I will ever be"
I stand up and go into a separate room where I change into a hospital gown. I get a whiff of disinfectant like I did when I first came into the hospital.
But I just ignore it because I know I'm going to have to get used to the smell.

I'm then directed into another room where they ask me a few questions about what I ate this morning and stuff.
And now I'm finally on the operating bed. Even though I know I will have to get used to them, I really hate needles so they put me to sleep with an oxygen mask instead.
"Right Darcy, just start counting down from ten okay then in no time you will feel yourself falling to sleep." I breath in slowly as the cloudy like smoke comes out my mouth and into the oxygen mask.
And I begin counting.
10,9,8,7,6,5-

--
I wake up hazy and the first thing I notice is the catheter placed in my chest.
I just stare down at it knowing that this contraption is going to be placed inside of me for months. I thought that If I stared at it long enough it would start to feel more normal. But it never does. I just have to except that I won't be normal for a very long time now.

I don't do much the rest of the night, it takes a while for all the medicine to wear off so I'm pretty unresponsive the whole time. I'm practically asleep by 8pm.

--

I'm woken by the strong smell of burnt toast and thick butter.
A tray is laid out in front of me with what I think is breakfast.
"Morning Darcy, you up for breakfast yet?"
I rub my eyes and sit up uncomfortably. Somehow i manage to shove the disintegrating toast down my throat.
Then I lie back down remaining not very responsive for the rest of the morning.
I am soon snapped out of my hushed manner when a nurse comes in.
It's not too intimidating until I notice all the needles and equipment. I suddenly start to sweat a lot.
"Hello Darcy, I'm doctor Farlings and I'm going to be taking care of you during your chemo treatments okay."
I'm too nervous to speak to I just nod towards her.
"Now it's not as bad as it seems okay, once the first bit is over everything will be fine."
"Okay" I reply quietly as I have only just woken up from my mid day nap.
"This is the IV and I'm just going to attach it to this okay."
The long tube is attached to my chest which is attached to a pole and a bag of fluid like stuff.
My nurse tells me that if I want to get up and walk around I have to take the pole with me. So I just decide to stay in bed.

-

After a few more hours the chemo is finished being entered into my bloodstream.
"Now Darcy, make sure you stand up slowly because you may be a little bit dizzy at first. When you get home you may feel a little nauseous but this will wear off after a while, you just need to give you body some time to adapt to its new lifestyle."
I stand up feeling fine but I know the drugs probably haven't started to kick in yet.
I'm able to go home now, it was a pretty boring few days to be honest, not that I expected the hospital to be fun. But I thought the whole atmosphere would have a bit more enthusiasm.

Im finally able to walk out the room and Into a waiting room where a whole new set of bald kids are waiting to be drugged up, and hopefully cured of their cancer. Most of them so young, so innocent. I think to myself what have we done to deserve this kind of torture.
I watch them play as I know in a few weeks time I will be just like them. I don't know if I'm ready to loose all my hair yet.

I am interupted in my trail of thoughts, when I feel my back leg starting to vibrate. I take out my phone and Ben is calling me.
"Hey Ben?"
"Hey.. R... You... Fr-"
"Sorry Ben your breaking up let me go outside where there better service."
I tell my mum where I'm going and she follows me out to the car park.
"That's better"
"Hey Darcy,"
"Hey "
"What kind of a place in the 21st century can't get service when receiving phone calls nowadays?"
"Well I'm in the-" I pause as I realise I still haven't told him yet, so I don't want to worry him by telling him in the hospital. "Doesn't matter, so what are you ringing me for?"
"Well I was wondering if you were free to go on that date? I know you said you were busy but I really want to see you" I have to think long and hard. I'm about to reply with yeah sure I can do something. But then my knees buckle and I'm sitting on the edge of the pavement throwing up aggressively.
"Darcy, darcy what's going on?" I hear Ben shout into the phone. I turn around and notice my mum rushing towards me.
She stands me up and wipes my face with some tissue. "Come on let's get you home." She says and helps me walk to the car.
"DARCY" I suddenly realise Ben is still on the phone.
"Sorry Ben, I'm back now"
"What happened? You sounded like you were throwing up."
"No seriously I'm fine, don't worry."
"Are you sure?"
" yes Ben I'm sure"
"Well I don't know whether to believe you or not, so I'm going to meet you round your house soon."
"No Ben you don't have-" I am cut off by the buzzing sound of the phone line being cut off.

I lean over and feel like I'm going to be sick again. My mum attempts to pick me and up and carry me into the car.

Within a few minutes, I feel myself drifting off to sleep.