One sick love story

Over the phone

Authors note:
Hey guys!!!
I'm so sorry that i haven't updated in a while, I have been extremely busy, first few weeks of my final school year has been pretty hectic. But this doesn't mean I'm stopping.I'm going to try and write as much as I can and as often as I can. I have the next few parts planned so hopefully they won't take too long.

Also I would like to note that I have kind of lost track of the chapters. I got confused between the chapters and the parts, so now im just going to leave the chapters.
So I hope you enjoy this part, it marks a big step in ben and Darcy's relationship. Hang on in there... I have much more exciting things planned for this book!!!

Im back home from a week in the hospital. Each time I have chemotherapy, I have to stay in the hospital for a while because of how weak I am. It was okay, but it's not the same just having your mum by your side the whole time. I missed Ben's touch. How when I was feeling ill, he would be there to hold me and reassure me that things are going to be okay. I got a few voicemails from him, but refused to listen to them.
It's Monday and this week is the last week before October half term. Chelsea is coming over after school today. She says she has something to talk to me about. But I don't know what. It got me quite worried so now all I can think about today is that.

My mums just about to take Luke to school, but before he leaves he comes in my room and gives me a kiss and a cuddle.
"Bye Darcy. Love you!"
"I love you too. Have a good day."
Ever since we had that chat he's been a lot happier and confident around me. He knows when I pinky promise something, it's for real. But that has put more pressure on me now, of course I don't want the Cancer to win the battle. But it's not exactly a very easy promise to keep. It's made me even more determined to fight, and to live. I have to, for my brother.

--

My alarm wakes me up at 2:30 pm. I know chelsea is coming round in a minute so I got to make sure I don't look too disgusting. I have a quick shower and sit in the living room whilst waiting for her to arrive.
About 3:00 she arrives and comes rushing through the door. "Darcy my darling, how are you? It's been too long."
"I know I know. I'm okay thanks, come on in."
"So what's it like being free of school?"
She says very enthusiastically. As if it's a good thing.
"Er... I wouldn't use the word 'free'. I have never felt more trapped and alone in my life."
"But you don't have to go to school, you can go wherever you want."
"Um... You do know the reason why I left school right?"
"Yes, but in between going to hospital and stuff you can go out can't you?"
"No chelsea. That's not how it works." I say angrily. "I was more free when I was at school. All I can do now is stay at home and be trapped in my bed looking at social media wishing I have the life that you have." I shout.
"But why?"
"BECAUSE I HAVE CANCER AND YOU DONT. Just because I'm not in the hospital all the time doesn't mean I'm only sick when I'm in the hospital. I'm sick 24/7. I had a shower before you came in to wash away the smell of vomit. I have only thrown up twice today, and that's the best I've been all month. I've never been more trapped and confined to one place. Im not allowed to go out because there's a risk I might catch something and get even sicker. Don't you see... When you have Cancer you can't be free. Cancer is the loneliest place... And there's no escape."
There's no reply. She goes to say something but then stops. So to avoid the whole situation she diverts the conversation in a different direction.
"So... I have something to talk to you about remember?"
"Oh yes! What is that about? I've been worried all day."
"It's about ben."
"No Chelsea I don't want to hear about it."
"But just give me a chance to talk about him. Trust me... You will want to here this."
"Go on then. But be quick."
"Thankyou. So... Basically, ben is a wreck without you. I've never seen him so depressed." In my head I think to myself 'really?' He has hardly messaged me and he never seems depressed in his photos.
"I don't know if I believe that chelsea. The pictures he posts on Instagram couldn't make him look any happier."
"He's just trying to hide his feelings, he's trying to remain tough, but really inside... He's the softest boy I know. Now don't think of that in a dirty way, because I'm being serious. He wants you back and he tells me everyday how he regrets what he said to you."
"Well why hasn't he told me personally then? If he really cared that much then he would have at least tried to talk to me."
"He has Darcy. He says he leaves you loads of voicemails. But you never reply!"
"Well... To be honest..." I suddenly realise there's no way out of this one. it is true, he has sent me a lot of voicemails. I guess I just got used to not hearing from him so I just ignored them. "Well what do you want me to do now then?"
"Just call him. You guys need to sort things out. He's terrified that something might happen to you whilst your in this whole fight thing. He said he wants to be with you in the hospital and when your sick. You said from the start, your going through this journey together. And the journey hasn't ended yet... Can you really do this alone?"
"Well... I.... I just need to hear it from him."
"So ring him."
"But is this the kind of conversation that you have over the phone? I would rather do it in person."
"Just get on with it. This way you don't have to be face to face and if it doesn't go well you can just end it whenever you want."
"Fine. Now I don't really want you to hear this. So.... Thanks for coming."
I start edging her out the door.
"Bye Darcy, we really need to chat more. Whenever your free, give me a call. Oh yeah and by the way, you might want to check your text messages before you call him. Bye!!!" And she just leaves.
I cautiously walk towards my phone and click on my messages. There's a message from ben. Could this be what she's talking about? For the first time in nearly two months I actually read his message. Although it's not a message, its a video.
Without thinking I click on the play button and lock my eyes to the screen.
It starts off with a few cheesy quotes (that he's obviously got from the Internet) and a classic love song in the background. But just as I'm about to turn it off, a picture of me and ben together come up. It's us in the woods, were hugging and smiling, whilst preparing to go on the high ropes. There's a cute black and white filter which somehow seems to make it more special, and I can't help but let out a tear.
It's weird seeing myself with hair again, I haven't even looked at any old photos because I know they will make me too depressed, but looking at these photos and videos of us together... Couldn't make me happier.
There's a video of us that chelsea took, in a shopping centre a little while after I found out I had Cancer and hadn't told ben yet. I remember that day, I tripped over something and almost fell into the water fountain, but ben caught me before I could.
There are many photos of us kissing, some I don't even remember taking.
Then it goes into the more... Well... Depressing stuff.

Photos of me in the hospital bed with ben by my side (my mum must have taken these photos). I look sicker than I could have been imagined. Maybe I was too harsh on ben? I mean... I wouldn't want to sleep next to someone who looked like that.
After a whole minute of photos in the hospital with me awake and smiling, there's some where it's just me on my own. I'm covered with bandages and tubes and oxygen machines. This must be when I was on the ocean ward. I asked to never be told how bad it was, but I knew I was going to find out at some point. I could barely watch, my mum was in tears as doctors surrounded me. Ben took a selfie of us whilst we were sleeping.
All these videos and these special effects must have taken ages to put together. He's obviously been planning this for a while. Which shows he really does care.

I immediately want to call him, But I finish watching the video first. It finally goes off the photos of me in the hospital and ones of me looking a bit less sick at home. But there is only about three until some writing comes up. "Those ones in the hospital are really the only ones left I have of us, this is simply because there is another chapter in our story that has not been written yet. And I guess,... The authors are just taking a break. But it's time for them to get back to work again, as neither of their lives can function normally without each other. There is so much I want to tell you, and there's so much more I want to do with you. Help me fill in the rest of the lyrics to this song with more memorable  pictures... Forgive me.'

I straight away pick up the phone and call him. He picks up instantly.
"Ben."
"Darcy." He shouts into the phone.
"Ben I-"
"No Darcy. Just let me speak." He says sweetly as if he's really planned something to say. My lips hang over the edge, wanting to say something, but I let him speak. "Darcy, I...I don't know where to start. I guess I could start with ... I'm sorry. But I know that's not good enough, so I will lead with this instead. Truth is... I love you for who you are. Forget the Cancer, I just wanted to be with Darcy. The girl who I fell in love with on that trip. Those first few months couldn't have been more perfect. I knew that I found the one, it was just keeping hold of the one that was difficult. I tried so hard for your Cancer not to get in the way of our love, but in the end I kind of just gave up. Which I shouldn't have. When you were in hospital, unconscious... I forgot about all the important things, and just started seeing you as the Cancer girl, rather than Darcy. So when you were really sick... I started hanging with the wrong people. I couldn't think straight, my mind took over my actions. Being depressed can do things to you Darcy. The people I started hanging out with turned me into someone I'm not. They got me thinking that popularity was more important than... well everything. Truth is... After a lot of thinking and lonely hours without you... I realised... That Cancer is just a word. And one word isn't going to split me up from the one I love. It may have taken away my sister, but I will not let It take away you. So please... I know it's going to be hard after everything I said. But I get it now. And I hope you get me. I'm a wreck without you. So Darcy... Please.... Forgive me!"