Such A Beautiful Disaster

I leaned over the bathroom counter and sniffed the powder off of it with a straw, then snapped my head back to let it run down the back of my throat. I waited for the drip, the taste of the powder, so I sniffed in real deep through my unplugged nostril to help it along. After a few moments I tasted it. I let it drip down a little longer then checked myself in the mirror. No powder on my face and my pupils were pretty visible. I looked good enough to go back out. I wiped off the counter with toilet paper, threw it in the toilet then flushed it. I glanced in the mirror one more time, took a deep breath, and opened the bathroom door.

“New Girl!” I looked over at Ryan, who since the day I started working at the pizzeria took to calling me New Girl. I had been working here almost four months now but he still called me that, thinking it was hilarious. I really didn’t care either way. “Yeah, can I help you?” I asked him. He was rolling dough which was a change. He usually just goofed around. His uncle owned the place so he really didn’t have to do anything. “No, New Girl. I don’t need any help. But maybe you do. You practically live in that bathroom. You got a bladder problem or something?” Ha. I definitely didn’t have a bladder problem. A drug problem, yes, a bladder problem, no.

The pill was starting to kick in. I could feel all this invisible weight drifting off my shoulders. Agh. The best feeling in the world. I didn’t really know how to answer Ryan so I just gave him the finger. He just laughed and continued kneading the dough.

I looked at the clock on the wall. It was 3:35. My shift was ending in 25 minutes. All I had to do was wash the dishes in the sink and I would be free for the night, which was going to be amazing. It was a Thursday, which meant I would be going to the free concert downtown at the park. They had one every Thursday from around June to September. Everyone showed up and it was always a good time. I started filling up the sink with hot water and soap. As soon as it got half way full I began dipping the dishes in and scrubbing them off. I kind of zoned off while I washed the dishes. I was totally feeling the drug. I had no worries at all at the moment. Everything just flew in my head then right back out. I would say it was a nice change but lately, this was my usual state of mind. My using was getting pretty bad again. But I tended to just sniff another pill when that thought got stuck in my head a little too long.

Before I knew it the dishes were done and I had five minutes left of my shift. I dried my hands off and leaned against the sink listening to Ryan finish telling some dirty joke to Mike who was putting toppings on a pizza. Mike and Ryan were friends from what I could tell so far, but Mike was a hard worker and was basically ignoring Ryan right now. Krista came through the walkway to the front of the shop. She took my place when I left, answering the phones, working the registers, getting together orders and making salads. She nodded her head to me then said “Hey girl.” “Hey,” I said back to her. She looked at Ryan then asked “Is he being an idiot as usual?” “Of course.” I told her and we laughed. “Hey!” Ryan shouted. “What kind of greeting is that?” he asked in mock outrage. For being such a tough guy, Ryan really was a dork.

Then Jack came in behind Krista. His eyes met mine and I averted them towards the clock which told me it was time to bounce. I sighed in relief then said “I’m out of here. Time to party.” “You suck so bad,” Krista told me “We have got to get someone in here to cover a night shift for me so I can go downtown with you one week. I’m so jealous.” I gave her a sad face. I knew she really wanted to go with me or at least be able to go meet up with her own friends but I was never generous enough to switch shifts with her. I could be pretty selfish sometimes. I was not going to think about that right now though. I didn’t want to ruin my high.

“Hopefully someone will come in soon to apply so we can go together.” I told her. She just snorted in reply and shook her head. Mike, Ryan, Krista, and Jack had been working here for a couple years or more. Lynn, Terri, and Debbie who were all in they’re thirties had been working here since they were teenagers. They managed the store now but still did most of the grunt work too. Most of the kids that came to work quit after a few weeks. I knew what Krista was thinking. Even if someone new did get hired, they wouldn’t stay long enough to guarantee a change in the shift schedule.

I grabbed my bag from off the shelf and gave everyone a little wave goodbye. “Later New Girl” Ryan said to me. “See ya tomorrow,” Mike said, not looking up from the pizza. I started to walk through the doorway but Jack gently put his hands on my lower back and whispered in my ear “I had a really good time with you last night.” I quickly checked to make sure no one could see him touching me. They weren’t paying attention. Ryan was already accosting Krista. I didn’t want to have this conversation with Jack right now. Not here. He probably already told one of them about it, I didn’t know for sure, but if he hadn’t I didn’t want them to find out now. So I just turned around and winked at Jack then kept walking away. “Maybe I’ll see you later,” he called after me softly.