Such A Beautiful Disaster

Part 31

Jeremy felt like hell coming in to work Monday morning. Sunday had been no relaxing day off for him. All day he brooded over the situation with Molly, trying to figure out what he was going to do about it. He was angry. Angry at Aaron, angry at Molly, and angry at himself most of all. Jeremy was letting his emotions get in the way and it was screwing things up royally. He shouldn’t let Molly stay in the program. No fraternization between patients was a major rule and Molly had broken it. Any time a patient had been caught breaking this rule they were immediately discharged. Letting her stay was such a risk for him. He literally could lose his job over it. But he just couldn’t let her go.

Jeremy felt like he was so close to getting Molly to where she needed to be. He knew that another week and a half wasn’t a lot of time but he thought that if he could have just that time with her he could make her realize that she could and would be this incredible person. That she would never go back to drugs. That she could do so many other positive things with her life that would keep her off the wrong path completely. He knew she felt horrible about herself. That would take so much more than just a week to fix. But if he could just instill in Molly what he saw in her, she would have a little more hope.

He had faith that when she completed her 28 days and went back out to the real world that she wouldn’t go back to using. But he couldn’t see into the future and had no way of knowing that she truly never would go back to that lifestyle. That’s when his doubts crept in. Letting Molly stay would be no problem but if someone were to find out about it, if one of the counselors caught wind of what had happened, the whole ordeal would just blow up in his face and he would no longer have a job. So was it worth it? Was it worth keeping Molly here for another week, trying to get her better, seeing her through until the last day when she graduated from the program if she just went out and got high? If that was the case then he would kick her out right now. No sense in putting his job on the line for her if she was just going to go back to her old ways. He just didn’t see that happening though. He knew she was so sick of the life she had been living, that she never wanted to go back to that. He felt that she had made so much progress in putting the trauma of her mother and son dying in the past. The main reason she got high in the first place was so she didn’t have to deal with all that pain she felt associated to the loss of her family.

Jeremy knew he saw a lot of himself in Molly. He figured a big part of way he was so attracted to her was because of this. At the same time, she had this incredibly strange hold over him. He had never felt so drawn to a person as he did her. It scared and confused Jeremy. It was as if a cosmic force was pushing him to her. Jeremy didn’t really have any affiliation with a specific religion, though he was more drawn to Buddhist beliefs than anything else. This whole thing with Molly made him wonder if there really was such a thing as reincarnation. He felt like in some way he knew her for much longer than he actually had. He felt like he understood her on a instinctual level. Like they had been together in another life.

Molly was on the forefront of Jeremy’s mind way

more than he would like to admit. A great portion of that was in the professional sense, trying to figure out what he could do to help her, what they needed to talk about in session, the Topics they had to go over, and her general well being. But then there were the more intimate thoughts of her that occurred so frequently that he was almost ashamed of it. He tried desperately to push these thoughts from his mind. He tried to distract himself in any way possible. But it was becoming harder and harder to get it out of his head. Those thoughts of holding her, touching her skin, breathing in her scent, just being with her and not having to be her counselor.

ever. I can not

get kicked out. I have nothing out there for me if that happens.”