Such A Beautiful Disaster

Part 13

After Lauren had gone through my bags she showed me to my room and gave me some time to settle in. The room I was in had two beds, each with their own night stand and stand up closet, separated by a curtain that could be pulled back, as it was right now. The other bed was made but had various belongings on the nightstand and a few motivational posters hung up over the bed. I dumped the contents of my bags out on my bed and started sifting though them. I put away my jeans, shorts, underwear, and socks in the drawers on the nightstand. I hung up most of my t-shirts on the hangers inside the closet and put the rest away in one of the drawers underneath the closet door. In the other drawer I put away my books, my journal, sketchbook, address book, pens, hairdryer, brush, razors, and photo album, along with some other toiletries and papers. I went into the bathroom where I put my shampoo, conditioner, face wash, shaving cream, body wash, hair gel, lotion, and make up bag in the shower and by the sink.

I looked in the mirror above the sink. I didn't look too awful right now, thanks to the copious amount of make-up I had applied to my broke out face. My pupils were pin pricks and still bloodshot though. I couldn't stand how thin I looked. I had bones popping out in all the wrong places. I went back into the room, grabbed my journal and a pen out of the drawer, then sat down on my bed to write. As soon as I had opened my journal up and was about to mark down the date there was a knock on the door.

"Yeah?" I called out. The door opened and Jeremy poked his head inside. Oh, my. Just the sight of him took my breath away. "Hey, Molly. Do you mind if we sit down in my office and chat for a little bit? We'll have you go right into the group after lunch so I want to take some time to talk to you now," Jeremy said. I nodded my head up an down. I would do anything this man wanted me to. I got off my bed, leaving the pen behind but taking my journal with me. I always felt weird about leaving it lying out in the open, like someone would see it and just start reading it. When I got to the door Jeremy turned and started walking down the hallway which was now clear. My room was two doors down from the office. As I followed him I saw that there were at least nine other rooms for patients. One room had two doors and as I glanced in it, it looked sort of like a living room. The room across from his office was just as big as the living room and I could see a group of people sitting at the tables inside, facing someone who was standing up talking.

Jeremy let me go in first then shut the door. He took a seat at his desk which was piled high with papers. There was a bookshelf crammed full of thick texts, and low table sat under the window by the far wall. I set my journal down on the desk and took the seat beside it, pulling my knees up to my chin and wrapping my arms around my legs. It was really cold in this place. Or maybe it was just me, the pills, and the loss of all my extra padding. Jeremy had a file open on his desk, which I assumed was mine. I wondered what it said and what Julie had told him about me.

Jeremy glanced at my journal which I had collaged with pictures of random pictures I found on line. He nodded towards it an said "They're an awesome band." He was referring to the band logo I had put on there for my all time favorite band Up Against. I had seen them three times and absolutely LOVED their music. They were a punk rock band who were known for their political lyrics and activism. They promoted animal rights and all the members were straight edge, PETA supporters and vegetarians. Their music had gotten me through some hard times and had been their with me through all the good.

"Oh my god, I know. They're my favorite band," I told him excited.

"Yeah, I've seen them a few times. They put on a good show."

"They definitely do," I responded in full agreement.

"So," he began bringing us back to why I was here. "I understand that this isn't your first time in treatment."