Such A Beautiful Disaster

Part 33

I knew I would miss Shauna but I never realized exactly how much I would miss her. Everything was dull and boring without her. I usually paid full attention in group, but I missed Shauna trying to distract me, sliding notes over to me, making faces at things the group leader said, having to poke in the side when she started dozing off. Dinner was especially strange since I alwaysate with Shauna, and now I had to sit alone trying not to pay attention to anything else going on around me. I felt so alone.

I couldn’t wait for the day to end. I really wanted the whole week to be over if I was going to feel as lonely as this. The only ray of light came from the though of being able to chill in Jeremy’s office. Of course the in house meeting was just ridiculous. There were a bunch of new people on the unit so no of them were ready to open up about anything substantial. A lot of it was bullshit about how thankful they were to be in treatment or else the were rehashing times they spent getting high. I just zoned out and drew in my sketchbook. I was on the last rotation of people to leave out of the group that was here when I originally started. It wasn’t like anyone in this meeting was going to tattle on me for not paying attention.

After the in house meeting, we each did whatever chores that were assigned to us. Another reason why I hated staying behind, I hated to clean. I wasn’t exactly a messy person, but I wasn’t a neat freak either. People eventually started grouping up, sitting around talking by the T.V. I stayed at the corner table by the wall drawing. The best light in the room was there anyway because there was an actual floor lamp next to the table instead of just the fluorescent bulbs overhead. I was trying to concentrate on my drawing, but it was hard because I was trying to listen for Jeremy. I didn’t want him to sneak up on me again and scare the hell out of me like he usually did.

I was doing an outline sketch of a little girl. She was standing up, wearing a frilly typical girly dress, sucking her thumb. She had bruises on her arms and a couple scratches. In her free hand was she was clutching a beat teddy bear. His stitches were undone in places with stuffing coming out, one leg barely hanging on by a thread. Only one eye remained on his face and there was a big hole in his ear. I was starting to fill in more details when Jeremy finally came to get me.

“Hey,” he said, standing beside me, peering down at my drawing.

“Hey,” I said back.

“You ready to get out of here?” he asked, gesturing to the living room.

“Hell yeah,” I told him, already putting my pencil behind my ear and shutting my sketchbook.

He waited for me to get up then we walked out of the room.

“how’s the day been going?” he inquired, glancing over at me as we walked to his office.

“Sucky,” I admitted. I liked walking next to Jeremy. He was so tall that I actually felt small compared to him which doesn’t happen often.

We got to his office, walked in, and sat down in our usual spots. I had on my black yoga pants and slip on Roxy sneakers so I sat cross legged in the chair. It was pretty uncomfortable doing that with jeans and high tops.

“Sucky because…” Jeremy prompted me to continue.

“It’s really boring around here without Shauna,” I told him. “I knew I would miss her but I didn’t realize how much until she was actually gone.”

“Yeah, that happens a lot,” Jeremy replied.

“The whole unit feels different now that most of the people who were here when I first showed up are gone.”

“Things do constantly change around here,” Jeremy said in reply.

“Do you like working here?” I asked him.