Such A Beautiful Disaster

Part 23

Author's Note: Please comment or vote!

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The next day, after morning meditation, we all met back in the living area for Jeremy's group. I was looking forward to some more of his teachings and was slightly dismayed when he announced we would be watching a movie. As he fiddled with the DVD player he told us to feel free to take notes, and that he would be checking in on us every now and then to make sure we weren't screwing around. I was sitting in one of the overstuffed armchairs with Shauna to my left in a similar one. Jeremy shut off the lights and left the room. As the beginning strains of music came from the opening of the movie, Shauna immediately fell asleep.

It turned out to not be a real "movie" of any sort. It was actually a lesson on quantum physics and the energy we put out in layman's speak. Kind of like quantum physics for dummies. It spoke about how we all have certain energies that exist all at once, that move forward and backward, traveling through time. It explained how the type of energy we put out, positive energy or negative energy, directly caused us to have positive or negatives outcomes. If you put positive energy out into the world positive things would happen. If you put negative energy out into the world negative things would happen. Some of what they were saying was hard to follow and as the movie ended I felt as if my mind had suffered and immense workout. It felt blown apart.

What I did understand made a lot of sense. I didn't believe in god. I was raised Catholic and went to a private school from first grade until eighth grade. I had always questioned the beliefs that Catholics held. I remember the exact moment I really began to doubt it all. I was in sixth grade and we were in religion class. My teacher, Mrs. Corch, was telling us that not all the stories in the Bible were true. I asked her "If some of the stories aren't true, then why believe any of them?" She told me that the Bible was more of a guideline of morals and how we should behave and treat one another. I didn't understand why if that was true, then why are raised to believe in the creation, the garden of Eden, Adam, and Eve, only to find out it's just a lie, just a made up story. It didn't make sense to me. At that moment an immense amount of my faith was lost.

After my son and mother died, any inkling of belief I had left in God was eradicated. It confirmed my thoughts that nothing the Catholic church said made any sense. Religion is good for some people, and I will never knock a person down for believing in any sort of god. Your beliefs are your own to hold to and I would never try to force my own on anyone. However, I didn't take to it at all.

Jeremy believed in a lot of Buddhist concepts, it was easy to tell just by the way he spoke in our sessions. Buddhism was the only religion I could ever relate to. Karma, Sasara, and dependent arising. That all made sense to me. The fact that Jeremy seemed to believe in these concepts as I did made that feeling I had that he was the right person to help me grow even stronger.

Jeremy hadn't come back in the room yet so I nudged Shauna awake before she got caught snoozing in group.

She woke with a start, mumbling "What did I miss?"

"Nothing much," I assured her.

Shauna rubbed her eyes and sat up. "Is group over?" she asked.

"The movie's over but Jeremy hasn't come in to wrap up yet," I told her.

"Good," she said with a sigh. "I hate his movies. I don't understand a damn thing that's going on. He made us watch The Secret before, I'm sure you'll see it too before you leave, and I got what they were saying but it sounded like a bunch of garbage. Jeremy's sexy as hell but he's a little too hippy for me."

I laughed at that then said "Yeah, he's really spiritual but it's cool. I like that about him. He doesn't believe in things the way a lot of other people do."