Such A Beautiful Disaster

Part 26

When I woke up I was in an amazing mood. I felt so...happy. I didn’t know why I felt this way but I liked it. I also felt inexplicably relieved. I sat up in bed realizing I had almost forgotten I was in rehab. I heard voices coming from outside my room, and the flurry of people moving about. I wondered what time it was and why I was in my room in the first place since it was still light outside. Then it dawned on me. My freak out this morning and my confession session with Jeremy. Oddly enough, I didn’t feel embarrassed when I recalled all the crying and what I had told him. I just felt good.

I got out of bed and went to the bathroom to wipe any traces of sleep from my face. After that I made my way into the hall to see what was going on. I could smell food wafting down from the dining area so I walked down that way. No one was around yet, so the movement I heard must have been from the staff in the office. I stood at the entrance to the dining room, waiting for Lauren to come pass out the trays. After about three minutes I gave in to the rumbling of my stomach and fished my tray out of the pile myself. I sat down at the table closest to the window and began to grub down. Halfway through my meal I heard people lining up outside the door and I could hear Lauren telling every one to settle down. One by one people came in and sat down. It didn’t take long for Shauna to find me.

“Oh my god! What happened? Are you okay?” she asked, practically assaulting me with her voice.

I laughed. “Chill out girl,“ I told her. “Thanks but I’m okay. Jeremy and I talked for a while. I got a lot of stuff out that I haven’t been able to before.”

“Well, of course I know you’re okay. You’re one tough chick,” Shauna said then laughed. “I meant what happened in Jeremy’s office? You told him a bunch of stuff? That’s it?”

“Yeah…” I said, not sure what she meant. “Why?”

“Well, we all saw him in the hall looking freaked out. Then he started yelling about something in the office. He took off in a hurry saying he was going to lunch, but he looked real pissed off. For a minute I thought you might have done something bad again, but then after group I saw you asleep in the room so I wasn’t sure what was going on.”

“Huh,” was all I could say. I had no clue what Jeremy’s deal was. Obviously it had nothing to do with my drama from this morning.

“Maybe he was having some personal problems. It definitely had nothing to do with me,” I told Shauna.

“Guess so,” she told me with a shrug.

Just then Lauren voice broke the white noise of lunch chatter. “Molly!” she yelled from the hallway. “Molly where ARE YOU?!” Shauna stopped mid chew and turned to stare at me with wide eyes and a shocked expression. Several patients also turned to look at me, confusion clouding their faces. I put my palms to the sky and shrugged my shoulder, not sure why Lauren was freaking out. I got out of my seat, walked over to the doorway, popped my head out, and said “I’m in here.” Lauren spun around, her eyebrows raised high on her head and mouthed open wide, obviously enraged. “What are you doing?!” she yelled at me. Her anger towards me kind of freaked me out. “Um… eating,” I replied in a quiet voice.

“You’re supposed to wait for me to give you your tray! You’re not supposed to just take it from the cart! It’s against the rules!” she seethed. I could almost se her inexplicable hatred for me shooting from her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” I told her, trying to be as sweet as possible. “I was hungry and everyone was still in group.”

“That doesn’t matter! Haven’t you learned anything about not making excuses?! I’m going to write you up for this!” she shouted.

My jaw dropped. For one thing, I didn’t understand why she was getting so upset over a stupid lunch tray. I knew that we weren’t supposed to take the trays off the cart, but that was just so the patients could keep order while receiving their lunches. It wasn’t a written rule. I had read the entire patient’s handbook so I knew that for a fact. For another thing, I could NOT get written up. If I got in trouble again for anything, I would be kicked out of the program. I couldn’t believe she would write me up for something so insignificant.

I lost my cool then. “What is your DEAL?!” I loudly asked her. “Why do you hate me so much?!” I could feel the eyes of everyone in the dining room on Lauren and I. I didn’t care. I wanted to know why she was such a witch to me all the time.

“There is no “deal” Molly! This is nothing other than you needing to respect and follow simple rules!” Lauren screeched. Her hands were balled up and she was literally shaking. I had no idea what was going on.

“No, this isn’t just about rules!” I yelled. “You HATE me! It’s obvious! I just don’t get why. I’ve done nothing to you!

“You’ve done NOTHING to me?! Really?!” Lauren stepped right up to me and started yelling in my face. “Are you that STUPID?! You are such an arrogant little bitch. You think you can get away with murder and no one does anything to prove you otherwise. I‘ll tell you what---”

Just then Jeremy stomped over, grabbed Lauren by the arm, and yanked her away from me. He looked absolutely furious. “WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!” he demanded.

Lauren looked from him, to me, back to Jeremy again. She opened her mouth to say something but seemed unable to get it out. Finally she shut her mouth and let out a sigh of frustration.

“I’m waiting!” Jeremy said, his voice strained with irritation. His eyes were on Lauren but since she wasn’t saying anything I took the chance to get out my side of the story.

“I woke up before everyone was out of group, and the lunch cart was already out here. I waited for five minutes but I was really hungry so I took my tray. Lauren told me that it was against the rules and she was going to write me up. But it’s not an actual rule! And it’s not just about the tray. She hates me! She always has this horrible attitude with me and is constantly giving me looks that could kill. I don‘t understand it all which and was asking her about it when she went off on me.” I tried to get it all out before Jeremy could cut me off. I took a deep breath then looked up at him.

Jeremy looked like he was trying to his best to remain composed but I could tell he was enraged. His face was flushed and his eyes were open real wide. He wasn’t even looking at Lauren or I. He was staring off into space and looked like he was trying to figure something out in his head. His silence was killing me. It was probably only a few seconds but it felt like hours before he finally spoke.

“Lauren, could I see you in my off NOW,” he said in a tight yet calm voice. It sent a shiver down my spine. The calm was what scared me. It was the tone of voice a psychopath would use right before he stabbed you 37 times.

Lauren face broke out into a look of disbelief. Then she sputtered out: “But- but she’s the one who---” before Jeremy cut her off. “NOW LAUREN!” he barked which shut her up real quick. She threw me another death stare before retreating down the hall towards Jeremy’s office. I threw up my hands and just sighed in frustration. That woman seemed to need even more help than I did.

“Molly, I’m going to go take care of this and then we’ll talk okay?” Jeremy’s face looked concerned and his tone was almost apologetic. I felt like I was missing something.

“Yeah,” I told him, but I was talking to his back as he had already headed down the hall after Lauren. As I walked back into the dining area I could hear his office door slam shut.

Everyone in the room seemed to be staring at me. Shauna rushed up to me and loudly exclaimed “Oh my god! That chick is off her rocker. And they think we need medication. That bitch needs a strong dose of something.” I laughed in reply but it kind of felt bad. Obviously there was something wrong with Lauren if she could blow up at me for no reason. We all had problems, so who was I to judge really? I shook the incident off and chalked it up to being no big deal really. Jeremy would straighten it out and I probably wouldn’t even get written up. All would be well again.