Aticm and Korosu

Chapter 19

~Korosu~
Over the next couple weeks, Ashton and I would pretty much be with each other every day. Not that I don't enjoy it. He's a wonderful guy, and fun to be around. I'd usually listen to his band practice, and they are amazing. I'm glad he's happy, and that's what I care about. However, I'm tired of lying to him. Each time, I just want to tell him I'm not okay. I haven't been for a long time. Instead, I just keep smiling and telling him I'm fine. It's hard to keep smiling even when you're being torn apart. It's like being poisoned. Slowly, you feel your insides melting and decaying, eating away at you. It continues until you decide to let go of life and just quit trying. I can't give up, because I'm already dead. All that's left for me to do is live on this hell hole that people call earth. Ashton does make me feel happy, but I don't want to worry him. After about two or three months of dating him, I couldn't stand the lying anymore. I stopped answering my phone, and kept my door locked. I just couldn't take it anymore.
~Ashton~
Recently, I haven't heard from Korosu at all. It's like I'm trapped in a box. Trying my hardest to get to her, but I can't. I'm worried that something happened or I did something wrong, and I don't know what to do.  I'm aware of the fact that she can take care of herself, but I'm still worried. Every day, I call her and text her, yet Korosu doesn't respond. Did I say something? Why is she ignoring me? I have tried multiple times to talk to her, but she never answers. I was on the couch, complentating what to do, as Calum walked out. "Ashton, everything okay? Lately it seems like something's bothering you." "Yeah. Korosu hasn't talked to me at all. I'm not sure why she's ignoring me." Calum sat next to me. "I'm sure it's fine. Maybe she's just busy again." "Guess so." I sighed, and leaned back. "I'm just a little worried about her." Is something wrong with her? Think Ashton. Did anything happen? Nothing comes to mind, and I run my fingers through my hair. I just hope she's okay.
~Korosu~
I sat in the window frame, my phone buzzing like crazy. A bottle of vodka in my hands, blood dripping onto the painted wood. {you don't matter at all. You were a mistake. Your mother did the right thing.} I'm aware of that asshat. I put the bottle up to my lips, and tilted my head back. The alcohol went down my throat, stinging. At this point, I don't give a shit about life. It's just a reason for people to continue to thrive and keep the race going. Life is the real hell. I put the bottle down, and looked out the window. Screw everything. My wrists, sides, and hips bleeding heavily, my vision was a bit hazy. I knew I would pass out sooner or later, yet I'm still awake. I grabbed the bottle once again, and finished off the rest of the vodka. As I looked at the town surrounding me, hating life itself, my vision started fading a bit. {you're a major mistake. Nobody cares. Not even Ashton. He's probably just pretending to like you. He doesn't really love you.} I ignored my head, and continued to focus on the city. {mike had a reason to hate you. Everybody does. You're stupid, and nobody will ever love you.} The bottle shattered beneath my grip, and glass shards covered the ground. Pieces of broken glass went deep into my hand, causing even more blood to run down my arms. Just shut up, I know. I don't care anymore, so put a sock in it. I didn't care that the glass was stuck in my hand, I just stared out the window. Blood was dripping onto my shirt, staining it. Soaked in my own blood, and I looked down. I'm stuck in this wretched world, why can't I just freaking leave already? I can't stand this anymore, It's pure hell. My head felt fuzzy, and I was just flat out pissed. It felt like satan himself was right behind me. The alcohol was burning in my stomach, yet felt warm. Glass shards were all around me, a mix of vodka and blood on the ground and staining the chipping white paint on the window. Drunk, angry, upset, covered in blood and broken glass, I passed out in the window. My last thought before I blacked out was "I deserve this."