Aticm and Korosu

Chapter 60

~Korosu~
The next morning, ash was talking with cal about something while I stayed in our room. I tried my best to ignore the throbbing pain in my hand. I've dealt with worse obviously yet it's still uncomfortable.
As I glanced at the picture on my phone, ash came back in, sitting beside me. "Whatcha looking at?" "A tattoo I was considering getting."
I already had a tattoo on my shoulder with the tally mark, like the one on his hand, with his name instead of the mark going across. People can say that names are a bad idea but I can't imagine myself being with anybody else but him.
"Awesome."
I smiled softly, leaning against his shoulder. "The place downtown that Jackie runs is open, you want to come with me?" He nodded slightly, still smiling. "I might just get mine done as well." We both stood up, ash speaking softly. "Wanna bring Eric and Marilyn with us?" I grinned at the thought. "Doesn't seem like there's any harm there."
After we had all gotten situated, ash yelled out 'Cal, we're going downtown for a while!' We left after they finished yelling at each other. I ended up driving since I didn't think he knew where it was.
'When we get there hopefully there isn't some drunk guy getting something he'll probably regret the next day on his back." I said softly, laughing slightly. Ash nodded, yet I didn't notice Eric heard me. "What does drunk mean?" "Nothing Hun, don't worry about it." I responded quickly, ash laughing of course. I pulled into the parking lot, glancing at the building. The entire structure was painted red with black decals on certain parts. There were windows on either side of the door, each one showing tattoo sketches. We got Eric and Marilyn out, walking in.
Jackie was sitting at the desk, drawing like usual. Once she heard the door, her hair whipped around along with her head. "Hey Korosu. Along with the cutest kids in the world." She smiled, standing up. "What can I help you with?" I walked up to the desk. "Ash and I were going to get our tattoos done." She nodded, still smiling. "Alright, hold on a second." She glanced back into the staff room, speaking loudly. "Hey Jake! Get your lazy self out here and do your freaking job!" "I'm coming I'm coming, hold on a damn second." His familiar scratchy voice emitted from the room, the aroma of smoke still present. Eric stood right beside me, still a little shy. I glanced down at him, smiling. "It's alright, these are nice people. This is miss Jackie, and that's mister Jake." He waved slightly, still behind me. Ash giggled, holding Marilyn in his arms. Jake chuckled, waving. "Hey kid. Don't worry, I look like a monster but I'm not." "Jacob, do you really think that's smart to say in front of a kid?" Jackie stood beside him, elbowing his side. "Hey, I'm telling him straight up. Might as well." "Just do your job. You guys can go sit down over there." She motioned to the black chairs on the other side of the room. I brought Eric with me while ash sat down with Marilyn. He sat in my lap, holding onto my arm. "He seems mean." "It's okay bud, mister Jake isn't that mean. Promise." He nodded, giggling. I kissed his head, Jackie behind me while Jake was by ash. "So, miss Korosu, whatcha want?" "Remember the reference picture I showed you?"
I had decided on something that would show my family. One large heart had Irwin written on it, the ones inside of it would show the dates important to me. The first said A.F.I and the date we were married. The second said E.D.I with his birthday on it, and the third said M.B.I with her birthday on it.
(A/N: picture above is similar to her tattoo. The writing is inside the hearts where it's colored in.)
"Alrighty then, let's start this. Ash, you mind having Jake do yours? I promise he won't mess it up." He smiled down at Marilyn, nodding.
"So, whatcha want Mister I married a crazy lady." He chuckled, his voice hoarse. "Really Jake?" "Yeah." I rolled my eyes, glancing at him.
"Just their names written in cursive on my shoulder."
He started sketching something, while Jackie was cleaning off my shoulder blade. Eric glanced up at me, tilting his head. "Do they use markers?" Jackie laughed slightly, shaking her head. "I believe I can answer that. We use a big needle, but don't worry. It won't hurt you." She took out the needle, Eric holding my arm. I rubbed his shoulder with my free hand. "It's okay sweetie, really. It's okay." He nodded, smiling a bit. I smiled down at him, feeling the needle press against my skin. Marilyn was sitting in Ashton's lap, giggling and babbling. Eric was still looking up at me.
"Momma? Whatcha looking at?"
I smiled, glancing down at the small boy. "My wonderful family." He giggled just like his father. For the remainder of the time, we sat in the parlor, letting them work.
As we were walking out, Jackie was busy trying to get Jake to get out.
"Don't be around these kids if you're going to smoke!"
"I'm leaving, calm the heck down."
Once he left the room, she mumbled "God you mother fu-"
"Fuck." Marilyn smiled up at ash, causing him to burst out laughing. Jackie just stared, gaping.
"Marilyn, don't say that, that's bad."
He said in between laughing fits. "Eric, don't repeat that." I smiled. "Hasn't she been around Mike?" Ash nodded.
After we drove home, I walked upstairs. "MICHAEL GORDON CLIFFORD GET OUT HERE NOW!"
He slowly made his was out of the room. "What is it?"
"You know what my child said today? Something you taught her?!"
He shrugged, backing up.
"She said fuck Michael. Guess who taught her that?!"
"Me?"
"Yes! There ya go! Now don't you ever swear around my children ever again, got that?" He nodded frantically, going back into his room.
Ashton was standing in our room, giggling. He pulled me into the room, smiling. I sat beside him while he closed his eyes.
As I sat in bed, thinking, I just felt out of place.
Everything was great in life so far.
I have two amazing children, a job (and a wonderful job alongside my great killers), and I live with the love of my life.
The only problem with this is me.
I'm a terrible person.
My life is worthless.
I shouldn't have ever met ash. I should have stayed away from him.
My whole life I've felt like I'm nothing. I've known I'm just a pest.
When I was younger my parents would shove me around and call me a fatass. Can't blame them. They're the reason I never want to eat a single thing. I hoped if I got skinny enough they would love me. They still didn't. They never did. Nobody did. I'm not surprised.
I thought if I was quiet enough I wouldn't be annoying. Guess not.
My moods change too quickly. Everybody hates it. Especially me.
I thought that if I could work out enough I'd be skinny enough for them to love me. Nobody did.
I thought if I bled out enough I'd die.
Guess not.
My mind has slowly deteriorated over the years. At this point I just can't take it anymore. I really can't. I love my family more than anything.
But I just can't do it anymore.