Aticm and Korosu

Chapter 20

((Warning!!! This gets deep!!!))
~Ashton~
About a week later, I still hadn't heard from Korosu at all. On Monday morning, I woke up a bit later than usual, due to being up late worrying about Korosu. The guys were downstairs already, while I stayed upstairs. I got in the shower, debating what to do. After getting dressed, I decided to go to her apartment and ask why she was ignoring me. First, I'd check the field we went to just so I can make sure she isn't there. Walking downstairs, I heard Calum and Luke talking with each other about some random topic. I grabbed a water bottle and sat down in a chair across from Luke. "Heard from Korosu at all ash?" Mike was on the couch, next to Cal and Luke. "Not a word." "That sucks." I just sighed, and leaned back. "I'm going to her apartment today to see what's up." He nodded. "Alright. We'll be here." I smiled a bit, as Mike stood up and walked out. I'm going to find out what's going on if it kills me.
~Korosu~
I leaned against the cold, wooden walls in the hallway, my box of blades in hand. I just can't take this anymore. Why can't I just fucking leave this prison of torture people call life?! My wrists, thighs, and sides were all red, covered in scars. I'm just so tired of all of this. If I could, I would've been on the ground right now, a bullet in my brain and a gun in my hand. I know that I won't be able to, ever. I went into the bathroom, and looked at myself. My hair was messy, and I looked sleep deprived, which I was. For the past few days, I hadn't slept a second, afraid that my mind would bring the terror to reality again. I'm not good enough, I never will be. It's horrible that I have to stay in this position, and I can't just leave. I opened my box, and grabbed one of my largest blades. {you're ugly, horrible, stupid, weird, ignorant. Nobody cares about you. Ashton obviously doesn't.} "Shut up! I know...I know people hate me...I know..." I gripped the sink, and looked down. I...I know...I'm worthless...pathetic...stupid...nobody cares... I deserve each cut across my skin, every second of torture I have to endure as I go through this world. I deserve it. All of it.
~Ashton~
I went towards the field she took me to, looking around for her. Korosu was no where to be seen. I walked off, hoping she was okay. I don't know what I'd do without her. I know she can't die again but...I don't want to see her hurt. Walking towards her apartment, I continued to think through what might be wrong. Is she working? Maybe I did something wrong. Did something upset her that I did? I'm just worried about her. As I got to her apartment, I tried to open the door. It was locked, and I didn't see any spare keys. Maybe her phone is inside. I called her, and heard amnesia playing inside. She's there. Korosu didn't pick up, and I couldn't take it anymore. Hitting it at the hinges, I kicked the door as hard as I could. It swung open a bit, and I went inside. She wasn't anywhere in my sight. There were some empty glass bottles here and there, all labeled vodka or whiskey. I looked around a bit. "Korosu? Korosu!" She didn't answer, and I tried her room. When I walked in, shock and fear filled me to the brim. The window was covered in blood, as was the floor. Shattered and broken glass was everywhere, and the smell of vodka filled the room. Dear god. I ran out, and heard something from down the hall. It was a small dripping noise. I was scared, but mainly because I knew Korosu was here. Walking down the halls, it grew louder. I opened the door, and was almost crying. Korosu was leaned over the sink, a bloody razor in her hands. Her wrists were bleeding heavily, and the sink and floor were covered in blood. Crimson red was running down her legs, and I saw some tears streaming down her face. Right as she was about to run the razor across her wrists, I grabbed it from her. Korosu turned to face me, and looked horrible. Her red eyes were very dull, and she was incredibly thin. Her hair was messy and bags were under her eyes. She looked at me, and buried her face in her hands. "Ashton...I-I" I threw the razor down, and wrapped my arms around her tightly. I didn't care about getting blood on my shirt, all I cared about was Korosu. "Why didn't you tell me? I could've helped you!" She was struggling to speak, like the words were caught in her throat. I kept my arms around her, close to tears. "Korosu...why?" She looked up at me. "I'm nothing Ashton. I can't die, but I want to. I just want to leave this hell hole." I felt like a bullet went through my heart. I love her, and seeing the one you love like this is a horrible feeling.
~Korosu~
I was afraid this might happen. Now I know he's going to be angry. Can't blame him, I've been lying so much. The words were caught in my throat, and I couldn't speak. He took me out of the bathroom, and sat down on the couch, pulling me with him. I kept my wrists in my lap, blood staining my shorts. He stood up, and walked out. I've screwed it all up, I always do. {see? You're worthless.} I FUCKING know! Just stop saying it! Ashton walked back in with some gauze, and sat next to me. He put it on my wrists, and held it there. "Korosu, why do you do this to yourself?" I'm tired of lying. I just can't do it anymore. "I've been told I'm worthless my entire life, that I was a mistake. They were right. I'm not worth anything, I'm just a random spirit that nobody misses." He wrapped his arms around me, and I did the same to him. "I love you Korosu. More than anything." "I love you too Ashton. I really do." He looked up at me. "Where else have you done this?" I sighed, and lifted part of my shirt up. He looked at me scarred sides, and put his hands on my waist. Ashton began kissing my rough skin, and I smiled a bit. He looked down at my thighs, and did the same thing. Ashton looked up at me, and cupped my face. "You're worth more than anything in this whole universe Korosu. I'm going to help you as much as possible." I smiled, and looked in his eyes. Ashton kissed me, slowly and passionately. My arms on his waist and his hand on my cheek, we continued kissing each other for a few minutes. His lips were warm, and had a bit of blood on them. I love him so much. He's just amazing. After he broke away, Ashton looked in my eyes. "I love you Korosu." "I love you too Ashton." He smiled at me, and kept his hand on my cheek. "Don't hurt yourself okay?" "Okay. I'll do my best to stop." He hugged me. "Thank you Ashton." "I just don't want to see you upset. As long as you're alright, I am too." The rest of that day, Ashton and I were with each other, and I can finally say this without lying: I'm okay.