Aticm and Korosu

Chapter 52

~Korosu~
Two months later and surge is still convinced he can help me.
What an idiot.
He thinks he's helping
That I've stopped
But why would I stop doing something
That makes me feel alive again?

Eric couldn't get enough of the thought. He was helping out a lot for a two year old. I couldn't believe it how great the kid is. Ashton had helped me as well, since I was still on crutches. I remembered when I was pregnant with Eric, and ash was consistent with opening every fucking door for me.
Seriously.
He was just the same this time.
Also I realized why I didn't miss being pregnant. The pain and no alcohol.
Fucking hated it.
I guess I was still kinda excited to be able to take care of another baby. It'll be nice to look back on.
As I lay in bed with ash, laying on our sides with his hands around my waist, set on my stomach, I thought back to his orders again.
You have to kill somebody you care for. Or else you'll be stuck with the sickness.
I didn't ever want to kill any of them. I really didn't.
But I was left with a choice.
Kill somebody I love
Or
Be stuck with the sickness.
My mind twisted into thought while clawed hands pulled me into the darkness.

He's sitting across the room, holding Eric in his lap. Tears rolled down his cheeks, splashing onto his thighs.
I tried to get up and comfort him, but it took a minute or two.
I walked over, speaking softly. "Ash, it's me, don't be upset, it's alright." He ignored me, staring ahead. I heard something dripping slowly onto the tile, whipping around to see my corpse.
My abdomen was ripped apart, a child laying next to my body. My chest didn't move, stomach still the same rounded shape as from when I was pregnant. My eyes were staring ahead, dead as ever.
Surge walked back in.
"I'm sorry about this ash, but I have to take her away."
"Why?" He asked. "Why are they dead? Why couldn't she carry the baby?"
He stared back at him, replying in a flat tone.
"She was too thin. She couldn't carry a child because she didn't want to carry the pain within her soul."
I shot awake, breathing heavily. "No!" Ash came up with me, worried. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" I shook my head, trying to keep the tears in my eyes. He wrapped his arms around me, humming amnesia softly into my ear.
"It's okay, you're okay."
I wanted to say no.
To tell him I wasn't okay.
To show him the proof of my self hatred.
But I couldn't let him worry.
I couldn't let him in.
I couldn't let him see me for who I really was.
I'm a monster that will rip him to shreds.
He pulled me back onto the bed, moving his hands to my stomach. I looked down at his hands, feeling him rub circles into the skin.
"You're okay. They're okay. It's okay."
No it's not Ashton. It's not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not fucking okay.
I stayed silent, staring at the floor. He eventually fell asleep, while I stayed awake, contemplating what to do.

Five months and I still wasn't okay.
Five weeks since I last broke down.
Five days since I thought about who I could kill.
Five minutes since I questioned my existence.
Five seconds since I wanted to die.

We were going to see the gender of the baby, and ash couldn't be more excited. I sat on the couch with Eric, talking about what would happen, when he came back in with his keys and jacket. "Ready to go?" I nodded, picking Eric up as I stood, grabbing my crutches. They may be annoying, but at least I can keep my damn balance with them.
A few pounds on your front doesn't help your center of gravity stay in place well.
We drove down to the hospital, my gaze set on the passing road. My thoughts were scrambled, my mind going past the thought that I could snap and kill all of them. All of them.
~Ashton~
We sat in the waiting room, while I messed around with Eric to pass the time.
"Mr and Mrs Irwin?" A nurse smiled, holding a clipboard. Eric stood up while I went to help Yasmin up. The woman took us to a room, smiling. "I see you brought your son with you today." He nodded, waving up at her. "Hey bud. Now let's see about this baby." She lifted her shirt up past her stomach, while I glanced at Eric. "Ready for this?" He nodded, smiling. The nurse took the ultrasound, her smile quickly fading.
"What? What's going on?"
I nervously looked back at Yasmin, worried. She glanced at me, then the nurse.
"Uh, sir, would you mind stepping into the hall so I can speak with your wife?" I nodded, standing up. "Come on Eric."
We stood outside of the room for a minute until the nurse called us back in.
Yasmin had her head in her hands, leaning down. I rubbed her back, speaking softly.
"I'll give you two a minute to talk." She walked out, closing the door.
"What's wrong babe?"
She paused, speaking in a flat voice.

"There's no heartbeat."

"W-what?!" I sat back down in the chair, looking down. Tears stung in my eyes, rolling down my cheeks.
"Mommy? What's wrong?" Eric was trying to get on the table, not quite understanding what was going on.
She picked him up, setting him onto the table.
"It's fine buddy. Really." Her voice shook, tears brimming in her eyes.
"Don't cry mommy. It's okay." She smiled through the tears, staring at the ground.
I couldn't believe this.
We were gonna have a baby.
Eric was gonna have a sister or brother.
But now...that won't happen.
~Korosu~
He was right.
That asshole was actually right.
I was about to say something, when my phone went off. I tried chunking it across the room, but saw the caller ID.
Surge.
I picked up, drying my eyes. "What do you want?!"
"Get over here now. Seriously. I need to check on the baby."
"There's no point. They don't have a heartbeat."
He paused for a minute, speaking softly. "There isn't any reason not to see. They could still be okay. Trust me."
I ended the call, sitting up.
"Let's go."
Ash sat up, tears in his eyes. "What?" "Let's. Go." I grabbed my crutches, having ash help me up (despite my opposition).
As we were walking out, the nurse kept trying to get me to stay. "Ma'am, we need to do something about this, please sta-" I snapped around, and ash knew to cover Eric's ears.
"Listen bitch, you just told me that my child is fucking dead and you won't even let me leave? People like you make me sick." I grabbed my dagger, shoving it into her stomach. Everybody turned to stare, but I didn't care one bit. We all left, ignoring people's constant yelling. I got in the drivers seat, my jaw set. "Yasmin? What's going on?" I ignored him, driving off towards surges.
~•~
We walked up to the house, Eric and ash following me. I knocked on the door, loudly yelling "you better answer asshole." I turned around, looking at Eric. "Never repeat that word." He just nodded, confused.
He opened the door a second later, his face and tone emotionless. "Get in here."
Ash was still confused, but followed anyways.
He sat me on the table, putting on gloves. I could hear Eric talking with ash in the back.
"What's going on daddy?"
"We're just checking on your baby sibling bud."
He got out an ultrasound machine, lifting up my shirt. He did the same thing the woman did, looking carefully at the monitor. "Well first off, your baby is a female. She doesn't appear to have a heartbeat, but somethings off. She hasn't had one for a while, but continued to grow, as you can probably tell." I nodded, rolling my eyes. "So she's okay?" He nodded. "Perfectly. Don't see any issues at all that should be concerning." I smiled, glancing up at Ashton. "She's okay." "Thank god." He sighed softly, looking down at Eric. "You've got a sister bud, and she's perfectly fine." He giggled, bouncing up and down a bit. "Yay!" Surge chuckled, turning off the machine and taking off his gloves. "Cute kid." I nodded, smiling at the two. "Hey Eric, why don't we let your parents talk, eh?" He raised an eyebrow but nodded. He reminds me so much of his father. Ash told Eric what to do if anything bad happens, while I grabbed surge by the clutches. "If you try anything at all I swear to god I will kill you in two seconds flat with no hesitation." He nodded, rolling his eyes. "I won't hurt him, promise." They left with each other, leaving ash and I alone. I wrapped my arms around him quickly. "She's okay...she's really okay." He spoke softly, nodding. "She is." I was so glad she was alive. If anything happened to her I would have hated myself more than I already did, and that was quite hard to beat.