Aticm and Korosu

Chapter 53

~Korosu~
Three months away.
I had tried to stop myself.
I didn't want her hurt.
I didn't drink.
I didn't smoke.
I promise.
However, that match was my release from reality.
That blade kept me stable.
I'm sorry little girl
I'm not the mom you deserve.

I was at the motel with Sasha and talking to AJ, who loved children to death. She loved feeling her kick while I didn't quite enjoy it. Derrick did come over with his girlfriend, which was quite sweet actually.
"Hey guys, how's things been?" We all nodded, smiling. "Great." AJ giggled softly, glancing at me. "So is the little one." I shook my head, laughing. Kayla tilted her head to the side just like him.
"Who?" I sat up, fixing my hoodie. "This little one." A smile spread across her face slowly. "Congratulations!" I nodded, thanking her. "Any name ideas yet?" I nodded again, still smiling.
A month ago, when we found out about the gender, Eric came up with the name. We all went out to town for a while, and ash asked him about any name ideas for his sister.
"I know I know! How about...Marilyn! Like that actress lady!"
We both laughed, ash giggling. "You come up with the best names Eric."
I actually thought of her middle name. Brooklyn was the name of my only friend in school before she decided to turn against me like everybody else.
Marilyn Brooklyn Irwin. They seemed to love it.
She smiled, leaning against Derrick's shoulder. "How sweet. How's it been with her?" I shrugged, thinking back on it.
Everybody says pregnancy is such an amazing thing.
Whoever said that was high.
Discomfort, I can't drink alcohol, once again, a few pounds putting me off balance, ugh.
"Fine I guess. I still don't like it, but I am kinda excited to see her." She nodded once again, giggling. "It seems like it." We sat in silence for a minute before Sasha stood up. "Well I'm getting a beer. Who wants one?" Everyone said no, while my reply was simple. "You just like teasing me don't you?" She nodded, rolling her eyes. "Single me out will ya?" Sasha walked out for a minute, leaving us alone. Kayla and Derrick were talking about how they would love having children someday, earning a laugh from me. "Trust me sweet cheeks. You like the kid part, not anything beforehand." "Oh, I like all of them." I shook my head, laughing. "Hun, when you go into labor you wonder why in Jesus name did we decide to do this? Yet when you finally see their face, you understand why." She nodded. "My mom used to tell me that all the time." I smiled, glancing over at them. They both were curled up on the chair, smiling and laughing. It was so sweet to see them happy. Reminds me of when ash and I were like that.
I remembered Derrick before he met Kayla. His mind was damaged, and he couldn't stand going anywhere without covering his skin, which he hated doing. When he met Kayla, she made him so much more upbeat. He left the motel without bandages, acted better, just changed as a person. She's an amazing girl, and he even helped her through rough periods in her life. She's a sweet young woman, it's great to see her.

When she left, I went back to see the nerds, even though it was pretty late. Cal and Eric were on the couch, while Luke and mike were upstairs playing Pokemon. Ash had gone out to do something, so I just went to our room.
I thought back to what had gone on, including work things.
The guys were excited to see me back, and the girls couldn't stop fangirling over everything.
Bryson was a pretty responsible kid, but still a bit hyperactive. He is a teenager after all.
When I was at work (and pregnant with Marilyn), the guys were working on speed and agility when Bryson came up to me. "Hey coach, you better go home when you go into labor, alright?" I nodded, chuckling. "Alright, now get back to working." He still stayed at my desk, trying to talk to me. "Bryson get back to class damnit." He giggled, left, and ended up staying to make up for lost time. He was still just a kid.

My mind went back to Brooklyn, since I'd been thinking back to her for a while now.
I believe she is still alive, but I didn't quite remember well.
I couldn't stand to kill her. I was mad at everyone from my school and killed a large quantity of them, but not Brooke.
She believed me at one point.
Then she said I was stupid and crazy and a worthless whore.
I still couldn't kill her. I should've, but I didn't. She was my friend at one point. She did try to ruin me and put me down, but I still cared a tiny bit. When we were kids, she used to take me out to the park even when my parents tried keeping me home. We would sit at the lake and talk for hours on end. When I got home I was slapped around for leaving, but it was worth it to be with Brooklyn.
Then she changed.
She used to be so happy and kind, but then heard a rumor I slept with her boyfriend. I didn't do anything at all, ever. But she believed them, and called me a worthless slut. We got in a fight and she never talked to me again unless she was hurting me.
And she said forever.
We went back to the lake the night before, and she told me something important.
"Yasmin, I'll always be your friend. I promise. Don't ever think I won't stay by your side. I will be your friend forever."
I trusted her. I fucking trusted her. I told her things I never told anybody else. And she turned her back on me. She told the whole school I smoked and drank. She ruined my chances of ever getting a boyfriend. She ruined me. After I trusted her. After I kept her secrets for years. My heart shattered when she yelled at me. I hated myself for letting her in.
But who wants to be friends with a worthless bitch like me anyways?
I should have listened to my parents.
They were right after all.

It was that night I killed one too many.

That little girl reminded me of myself. She sat in her room, brown hair messy from being pulled and yanked. She didn't understand why they were hurting her, but still kept her mouth shut. She had ice on her bruised eye, pain in her eyes. It was obvious she was hurting in many ways.
I just did her a favor.

When I finally came back, angered and broken, everybody was sleeping, except Eric. I sat outside on the porch, not noticing the little boy standing next to me. "It's so pretty mommy." I turned around quickly to see him, tired and alone. I nodded, speaking softly. "It really is." He held onto my hand, noticing my wrist. "What happened mommy? Did somebody hurt you?" I shook my head, looking out at the empty yard illuminated by the light of the moon. "Somebody did, but it's okay sweetie. Sometimes people are just really sad and don't wanna hurt anymore." He didn't understand the real danger of the world yet. I hated the thought of him knowing. "Don't be sad mommy, it'll be okay." I smiled, kissing his forehead. "Sweetie, I don't know how you do it."
"Just smile."
Just smile. If that fixed the problem I wouldn't be here right now.