Imagining Us

Ch.85- I'm not the one Pt. 1

Esi scurried down the long hallway that led to the main entrance of the house, hoping to get to the coatroom to retrieve her things.
She could vaguely hear footsteps hustling after her, but she resolved herself not to turn around. She just wanted to escape back to her apartment, forget what just happened and cry into her pillow.
"Esi!"

Porte shouted her name as he ran towards her.

"Elizabeth, wait!" She refused to slow down, she refused to look at him.

" Please, Esi. Hear me out," he pleaded with her.

She paused her strides, but her back was  still turned to him. He was so deliberate– so intentional. Everything that Porte Danvers did was planned. He knew using that name would get her to stop, to pause, to even listen to him. But, she would not be deterred this time. Not with her heart on the verge of splitting in two.

She whirled around to face him and held his eyes, those beautiful and haunted grey eyes, to make sure that her words got across to him.

For a second, her breath caught as she looked at him. As she felt what she'd known for months. She was aching to move towards him.

It was more than her physical body, it was as if her heart was driving her towards him, towards where it believed it belonged– in his hands. She steeled her mind and her heart, and willed any traitorous thoughts away.

There was almost two feet of space between them, and her mind threatened to take her back to the moment when they first met. But she wouldn't let it.

"How dare you!" she said accusingly. The words were a barely contained shout. She listened as her voice echoed down the acoustic hall and wondered if they could hear her back in the dining room.

"You don't get to use that name," her voice began to crack. "You don't get to call me that anymore."

She exhaled harshly, " I am leaving as you suggested. Don't try to stop me."

"Esi, please. Listen to me. You don't understa–"

Her head reared back in disbelief at what he was about to say, and he paused his words upon seeing her reaction.

Softly, he pleaded with shuttered eyes, "Please...I need some time to fix this. Don't give up on me. Don't give up on us." His voice, barely a whisper, broke at the end.

She looked at him. She really looked at him and took him in. His mussed hair, bloodshot eyes, the slight twitching of his tense body.

She sighed with a sad resignation.

" I'm not the one giving up on us, Porte. You are." He opened his mouth to respond, but she cut him off.

"Also, it is true that I may not understand your situation, because I haven't experienced as much loss as you have," she took a breath, "But, I have been there with you, Porte. For weeks, for months even."

Her voice wavered and she cleared her throat. "You've told me things that you've never told anyone. I've shared things with you. We've laughed together, cried together, felt together, promised each other things–", she swallowed, the tears now spilling down her face.

"And...and I thought that we were on our way to being healed from our pasts. I know that the past isn't something that we can forget. It's very much a part of us, but we can't let it continue to hang around our necks." She glanced away, wiped the stray tears from her face and laughed harshly.

" I guess that I was wrong, that I was the fool." She stepped towards him as he stood there watching her– taking her all in. Even in this moment of heartbreak and soul-tearing, he was ever the gentleman. He let her speak. He let her get across her point, even though it felt like constant stabs to his heart. He would stand there and take it all, but a part of her wanted him to fight, to push through that wall, to put actions to his promises.
Elizabeth walked towards him until they were a hair breadth apart.

Porte closed his eyes and breathed her in then exhaled. She could feel his ragged breath on her face and knew if she looked up that she would see his eyes feasting on her.
Intentionally and Intensely. Even in this moment.

They would be willing her to understand. So, she wouldn't look directly at them, because she would cave. And she shouldn't compromise her heart anymore than she already had.

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A/N

This is a two-part chapter, and I apologize in advance for allll the emotions that will arise from these two chapters. We're approaching the end.

Comment, vote, share, enjoy!

Xx