In The Blowing Ashes

Chapter 2

Katniss

He's back. Why didn't anyone tell me? Did they think I couldn't handle it? Well the truth is, I really can't. I occupy my time by nursing Buttercup back to health and crying into his fur. We've bonded over our loss and last night, he was crouched beside, guarding me from the night. I hear a knock on the door and pick Buttercup into my arms and go to answer it. I open it to reveal Greasy Sae. And she's not alone. Sae pushes past me, leaving Peeta and I alone, me still not quite inviting him in.

"Hey," he says.

"Hi," I say and Buttercup hisses at him. I bat at Buttercup's head. "Be nice."

"Where'd you find him?" Peeta asks.

"I didn't," I say. "he found me." I look down, hating how awkward this is. "Do you want to come in?"

"Sure," he says. I stand aside and allow him to pass. I set Buttercup down and close the door. I walk to the kitchen and see Sae cooking off bacon and scrambled eggs. I sit down at the table and Peeta holds out a bundle to me. I open it to find a still warm loaf of bread. I give him a small smile.

"Thank you," I say. "I feel like I haven't tasted fresh baked bread in years."

"It was no trouble," he says. "I couldn't sleep last night. So I'm happy that something came out of my sleeplessness."

"And what's that?" I ask.

"You smiled again," he says. "And hopefully, it means you'll try to eat more than a couple bites at breakfast."

"Maybe," I say. "I think the bread will probably be a little easier on my stomach than the bacon."

"Do you want me to slice it for you?" he asks. I nod.

"Yes, thank you," I say. He smiles at me and goes to the counter. He comes back a moment later with the bread, sliced evenly and laying neatly on the cutting board. I take a piece and bite into it, feeling its warmth flood my body. Sae sets a plate in front of each of us and turns to Peeta.

"I've got to go now, but you make sure this girl eats at least half that plate," she says.

"I don't need a baby sitter," I object.

"I'm afraid you do," she says. "And I know this boy cares too much about you to let you continue turning yourself into a walking skeleton." She says and leaves.

"I don't have to stay if you don't want me to," Peeta says.

"No, it's fine," I say. "I think I'll enjoy the company. It's not like I get a lot of visitors who aren't just trying to force feed me and telling me to get over it. I understand now what Mother went through after my father died. It makes you not want to get up in the morning. Not want to live anymore."

"You look better than you did when I talked to you yesterday," he comments and I nod as I take a small bite of my eggs and slip some of my bacon under the table to Buttercup, who gently plucks it from my fingers.

"I've been trying to get his stench out of here," I say. "I finally burned that rose he left me. But I needed to wash away all of it. I smelled the blood and the roses everywhere. I scrubbed until my skin was raw, just trying to get rid of the stench of the Capitol. I burned my clothes and it took me half an hour to finally get the knots out of my hair."

"Is that why you've been sleeping with your windows open?" he asks making me drop the rest of the bacon I was sneaking Buttercup on the floor, which he quickly pounces on.

"How do you know about that?" I ask him.

"Haymitch told me," he says.

"Haymitch should learn to mind his own business," I say.

"So why did you do it?" he asks.

"Because, I picked it up from those nights on the train, you know, before the Quell and on the Victory Tour. You could never sleep without the window at least cracked a little," I say. "Now, neither can I."

"I did?" he asks. I nod. "You told me that once didn't you? In the Capitol?"

"That's right," I say. "When you asked me about my favorite color being green, I told you yours was orange. You weren't quite convinced until I talked about the soft orange of the sunset. Next thing I knew, all these little details I had learned about you over the last two years started spilling out, including the fact about sleeping with the windows open. From the first warm spring breeze floods through the trees until the cool autumn winds turn to winter storms, you try to keep your bedroom windows open as often as possible."

"We played that game," he says remembering. "Real or not real. Right?"

"That's right," I say.

"There's still a lot of fuzziness," he says. "Could we play it again?"

"If you want to," I say. "It's not like I have a lot going on."

"You had a nightmare yesterday," he says. "I heard you scream before you came out of the house."

"You used to come running when I screamed," I comment as I stand and take my plate to the sink and wash it.

"You didn't know I was back yet," he says. "And I didn't know if my presence would be very welcome."

"I've missed you," I admit. "I've missed you a lot. But you don't look at me the same way you used to. You aren't the same person anymore."

"And I never will be," he admits. "But you're not the same anymore either. Like it or not, we aren't the same kids we were before the war."

"So you're still hijacked?" I ask.

"I never won't be," he says. "There is no real cure. They gave me meds and I can control them when they come, but I can't stop those awful flashbacks."

"It's still better than I could have hoped for you," I say drying my plate and placing it in the dusty cupboard.

"And seeing the light back in your eyes is better than I could have hoped after seeing that walking corpse yesterday," he says. "Maybe the girl they called the Mockingjay is finally coming back to this world." I turn to him.

"Don't get your hopes up," I say "She's not back yet." I push past him and head towards the stairs.

"Katniss, can I talk to you?" he asks. I stop and turn to him. "I really do need answers. I honestly think you're the only one who has them." I sigh.

"Not right now Peeta," I say. "Come to dinner tonight. I might be willing to discuss it then. Are you up to it?"

"Yeah," he says. "I'll make something for you. You like cheese buns right?"

"That's right," I say. "I'll see you tonight. Lock the door for me when you leave." I turn and head back upstairs to my room.