In The Blowing Ashes

Chapter 9

Peeta

I walk up to Haymitch's house, worry filling my every thought. I can't find Katniss anywhere. I didn't stay with her last night because she said she wanted to be alone. And when I went to visit her this morning, she was gone. I looked all over for her, but I didn't even see any signs that she even slept in her bed last night.

I knock on Haymitch's door and surprisingly he answers.

"This had better be important," he says. "I just ran out of liquor so I'm not in a very good mood Boy."

"I can't find Katniss," I say. "She made me leave last night and when I got to her house this morning, I couldn't even find anything that suggests she sleep there last night." Haymitch has a look of thought on his face before he suggests something to me.

"Are her boots still there?" he asks.

"Yeah, I think so," I say. "Why?"

"Those are the only shoes she owns," he says. "She would have taken them if she left. She's probably hiding in one of the closets. Maybe the basement behind the furnace where she'd be warm."

"Why would she do that?" I ask.

"Whenever she gets spoked or her mind plays some kind of trick on her, she kind of turns into an animal searching out some hiding place to calm down and come to her senses. She has this little chant she goes through that the doctors in Thirteen taught her. The call it going through the motions. She pretty much states her name and her age and other things she knows is absolutely true," he says. "It helps her like that little game helps you."

"You're sure?" I ask.

"Yeah," he says. "She's still in that house somewhere."

"Thanks," I say. "I guess I'll go look again." I start off the porch and he stops me.

"Peeta, I know she's been difficult," he says. "But just so you know, she wasn't nearly in as good of shape as she is now, especially when she was left alone with only me for company. Which as we both know is no good company. Since you've come home, she's starting to do a lot more than just stare at a wall. You've made her a lot better, even if she does this from time to time."

"I know," I say. "She gets better everyday. She makes me better everyday. I guess we pretty much just take turns having to be the strong one."

"Well whatever you are doing," he says. "Keep it up." I nod and leave at once. I walk back into her house and start looking in about every nook and cranny Katniss could have crawled into. Which is a lot of place considering though she's not half starved anymore, she's still a small person.

When I do find her, she's huddled into the corner of her sister's closet, clinging to a shirt that was most likely Prim's. She looks up at me and I see tears in her eyes. Neither of us say a word and eventually I sit down beside her the best I can. She leans her head on my shoulder and I feel a tear run down her cheek and land on my shirt. After what feels like an eternity, she finally speaks.

"She would have been fourteen years old today," she says. "But she's not. Cause she's dead. She's dead! She's Dead! She's dead!" She starts crying and I gently get up, pulling her with me. I pick her up like a small child and she lets me, laying her head on my shoulder. I carry her to her room and lay her down in her bed. I carefully grab her brush and work the knots out of her hair. She continues to cry and I gently rub her back.

"Katniss it's not your," I start and she cuts me off.

"Don't say those words," She says, he voice barely above a whisper. "I know it wasn't my fault, but I was her older sister. It was my job to protect her. And I didn't. I should be dead, not her. I know one day, I will be able to get up and accept that she is where she is, but for right now, I just can't. I just can't do this Peeta. I can't accept she's gone."