In The Blowing Ashes

Chapter 7

Peeta

I walk over to Katniss' house to see her sitting on the porch with her leg unwrapped and her crutches missing. She instead has a delicate looking cane laying next to her.

"Since when are you allowed to walk around with a broken leg?" I ask her as I walk up the steps.

"Since my mother decided to drop by for literally only an hour and ruled that I only dislocated it and should be able to walk on it fine as long as I don't put all my weight on it," she says.

"I bet that makes you happy," I say and she shrugs.

"The fact that I'm not house bound anymore, yeah," she says and I finish for her.

"But not the fact that your Mom didn't stay longer kind of sucks," I say and she nods.

"She wasn't visiting her daughter," she says. "She was visiting a patient. I thought after we talked on the phone, she might want to try to keep in touch, but she acted like I wasn't even actually her daughter. Like she doesn't want to get attached in case something happens to me."

"I'm sure that's not true," I say.

"Peeta, she didn't even actually say my name," she says glumly.

"You know she loves you," I say. "She just doesn't want to get in your way anymore."

"But I still need my mother," she says. "She's the only family I have left. What am I supposed to do if I don't have her? Something could happen to her, and I wouldn't even know because she's so far away."

"What about me?" I ask. "I have no family left. You can call your mother at anytime and hear her voice but I can't do that with my father or brothers. I wouldn't even care if my mother was still around, but she's not. I know right now she seems unreachable, but at least you can talk to her."

"You have me," she says.

"But you said your mother all the family you have left," I say. "I don't really think that's fair of me to think of you as family when you still have someone." I try to stand up and she grabs my hand.

"You know I didn't mean it like that," she says. "You're important to me. I'm just upset right now. And we can only trust each other to be there anymore. Haymitch hasn't even cheeked on me in the last few weeks. You're the only one that cares anymore what happens to me. I guess mother does too, but there's a limit as to how much she's willing to risk with me." I shake my head and continue to walk away. She stands with a hurt look on her face.

"Didn't you hear me?" she says. "I'm sorry. You are family."

"Yes, I heard you," I say. "I'm just trying to figure out how we can mean this much to each other yet you won't let us be anymore than friends. Tell me what could be so bad. You're feeling better and like I said the other day, I'm as good as I'm gonna get. So tell me why? Why Katniss? Stop making excuses and just spit it out."

"It's gonna hurt you all over again if I tell you," she says.

"Is it me?" I ask. "Is it because its me and not Gale?" She shakes her head quickly.

"No," she says. "Of course not. He's not even part of my life anymore. I've made my choice. And he isn't it."

"Then why not?" I ask her. "What's so bad you can't tell me?"

"I don't want children Peeta," she says. "And I know you always have. I don't want to look back years from now and realize I held you back from being happy. Children make you happy and you'll never have that with me. I can never make you happy Peeta. Which is why I can't let this happen." She opens her door and goes inside, slamming the door behind her.

And I just stand there. Because she basically just gave me an ultimatum. Her or kids. I can never have both. I wish she didn't make this so hard. But I know in my heart the only children I've ever wanted were Katniss' too. But when she says that it won't ever happen, it hurts a lot. She's stubborn. I know even of I try, it could take years for her to agree to even consider it. But I know I'm willing to take the chance of that dream never happening. As long as I get to have her, I'm fine with it being only her for the rest of my life. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and walk back to her door. I turn the door nob and walk in. I see Katniss curled up on her couch, staring at the wall. I walk over to her and sit on the floor in front of her. I brush her hair out of her face and smile sadly at her.

"Katniss," I say. "I really don't care that much about having kids. Because the ones I've always wanted were yours. So if you don't want them, I'm fine with that. All I'll ever need is you to be happy Katniss. I'm not going to say I'm never gonna stop trying to convince you to let us have them, but I'm gonna tell you that no matter what, children or not, I'll always love you."

"It's not gonna happen Peeta," she says. "It can happen. I'm not the girl you think I am. I will never be strong enough to bring a child into this world knowing how terrible it is. I can't knowingly let myself get attached to someone like that. Because I am way too much like my mother. If anything happens to you, I will do the same thing she did and that child will have no one left to take care of them."

"We don't have to talk about kids for a while, but I promise you, I'm not going anywhere for a long, long time," I say and she smiles.

"Well that's good because I'm not gonna let you go that easy," she says laughing softly.

"So are we gonna take the chance?" I ask her.

"Life's too short to wait much longer," she says. "We're as good as we're gonna get. So I guess as long as you're fine being stuck with me, I'd be more than happy to be stuck with you." Before I realize what she just said, He hands cup my cheeks and she pulls me into the sweetest kiss I've had in months.