Fallen (Undergoing editing)

Chapter thirty-three

"So, Demetrius tells me there was an angel on the grounds today?"

Alice and I sat in his den, sharing a cup of Luna tea while looking over a map of Avon, one Furus had found for us right before he betrayed us all. It proved to be somewhat useful for our near approaching attack on the city.

I felt myself wince under Alice's stare. I wondered if he was mad. I suddenly felt guilty. "I guess."

Alice's amber eyes prodded over me like he was trying to pop me like a pimple. "He said he knew you." His voice still lacked any accusatory tone.

"Yeah, I guess he did," I said with a great amount of, 'I don't want to talk about this in my voice'.

"How did you know him?"

I guess Alice didn't know when to take the hint. I groaned setting my cup down against the table next to the map. "We—we were promised to each other."

Alice grunted amusingly over the crackle of his fire. "Promised?"

"Yeah," I said plainly.

Alice seemed to be lost in thought for a moment, his long dark hair tumbling over his shoulders in dark waves. I made the mistake of looking up right into his knowing eyes as he beamed at me. I flushed and looked away back down to the map, fingers tapping against the sides of the cup.

"Did you want him to come here?" he said after a moment.

I nearly choked on my tea. "Are you implying that I led him here?"

Alice rose an eyebrow. "No, can't see why you would lead a threat to your family or how you would in fact do so."

"He wasn't a threat!" I barked. I gritted my teeth, tossing my gaze over to the roaring fire. "Plus, it doesn't feel so much like home anymore."

Alice looked at me over the top of his tea. "How is that so? People aren't giving you any trouble, are they?"

I shook my head. "No."

"I didn't suspect so. I would've thought you were doing well being surrounded by your circle of friends and closer."

It didn't take a hard guess to realize Alice was hinting about Demetrius.

"I guess."

Alice leaned back in his chair, crossing his leg over the other. "Why do I get the feeling something's happened?"

I bit my lip, wanting to conceal the guilt I felt trapped in this stupid love triangle. "Well, Demetrius might've walked in on me and my ex angel husband sharing...an intimate moment."

"Oh?" he said, eyebrows heightening.

I nodded. "It was awkward with both of them inches away from killing each other, over me." I rolled my eyes. "It's too cliché if you ask me."

Alice chuckled. "Sounds like you have your life cut out for you then."

I took another sip of my tea, warm and sweet like nectar, but it didn't settle me one bit.

"I sense there's something other than boy trouble that's bothering you."

I looked up to Alice, turning away to the fire. "No—well..." I didn't want to lie, especially to Alice. I felt like I could trust him. I hope I wasn't wrong. "It's Demetrius."

"Yes?"

"I—I know about him, like the whole demon thing." I shifted in my seat. "Raven told me about how he had to give up his grace to save her and now he's..." I cleared my throat. "I saw him...do something back at that old city. When we were cornered by those demons he—I don't know; the air got colder; shadows were all over him, crawling on him like snakes. He felt..." Dare I admit it? "Dangerous." 

Alice's face undoubtedly creased with worry and despondence. Taking a slow drink of his tea, he didn't look up at me until the cup was settled back into its saucer.

"I'm going to take a guess and say you know about the natural balance inside a Fallen between angelic blood and demon blood?"

I nodded.

"It's sad really," Alice said shaking his head. "You'd think great beings like us would have more control over ourselves being how great we are, but somehow, we don't. What you probably saw was what's been growing on Demetrius for years—eating at him you could say, peeking out, testing him and others around him."

I reached for my shoulder where my birthmark was. I felt weird twinges and tingles running up and down my arm.

"Is there any fixing it?"

Alice shrugged almost carelessly, the movement looked odd on him. "I don't know. We've tried almost everything, even the demons tried helping us, but he hardly cares. I feel as though Demetrius thinks of himself as a lost cause, but he doesn't say that out loud though."

"Why?"

"Well," Alice said simply. "It would break Raven's heart. He puts up with it all because of her really. Nearly killed her to watch him disappear for a year and speak nothing of it."

I frowned. "What did he do in that year? Why did he leave?"

Alice sighed tiredly. "Isn't that the question we all want to know. I've tried asking, everybody has, but he'll shake it off, saying he doesn't wanna talk about, doesn't remember, the answer varies."

I bit my lip and was silently, the image of Demetrius's dark eyes flashing through my head. It gave me chills that I didn't want to admit.

"To be honest, even with his sister wrapped around his waist, he's always preferred to be alone."

I blinked.

"Seeing him suddenly taking an interest in you, gave me hope that he was turning around."

"Interest in me?" I said.

Alice nodded with the slightest hint of a smile. "You see, demons are incapable of loving. They cherish only themselves and whatever it is they need to acquire. Devoting himself to others is something very uncommon among demons."

I attempted to laugh, but it sounded more like a held back sneeze. "You—you're not saying that I—he, loves me?"

Alice's scarlet eyes flashed hotly as he took a long drink of his tea. "I'm only saying that, since I sent Demetrius to infiltrate the angelic Guardianship, he's taken on a surreptitious liking to you that I don't doubt you've noticed."

I made a motion to drink my tea, mostly to cover my smile with my cup, but then I remembered Falcon. How he was killed right in front of me, Demetrius with his blade shoved right through his chest. Something like that could never heal, and I doubt Demetrius even knew that. I let my hands fall into my lap. He'd saved me, taken an arrow for me, probably meant nothing, it didn't kill him, but I couldn't see him doing it for anybody else.

"He can make any girl torn," Alice said as if he'd read my thoughts, "Between being afraid of him and head over heels in love with him."

"He saved me," I said honestly, "Back with those Capital guards. He took an arrow for me, but."

Alice's eyebrow rose coaxingly.

"He killed my mentor." I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. "I don't know if I can ever get past that. He was—"

"Like a father to you," Alice finished for me.

I nodded, a lump in my throat beginning to form. I felt my cheeks begin to burn hotly. It was stressing me out just thinking about it. I sighed loudly; my breath was hot from the tea. "I don't know if I can do this, Alice." I thought instantly of Enrique and how bad I missed home, but I knew I would never be able to go back.

"But you said—"

"I know what I said, and I'm not backing out about the war or helping you guys take Avon down. It's just, afterwards, I don't think I can stay...I—I need some time." I took a hot gulp of tea, trying to drown out Demetrius's betrayed look from my mind.

Alice nodded without any objection. "If that's what you chose, Lilith, I won't stop you, but always know you have a home here."

I nodded as I finished the last of the tea, wondering if I would ever have one.