Fallen (Undergoing editing)

Chapter forty-eight:

I stood at his bedside table, unsure what to pretend what to feel.

Staring at his chalky pale face that was framed with his violet tinged hair made me want to feel regret, sadness, and guilt, but looking at those closed eyelids that hid his beautiful indigo eyes, made me want to feel that hot joy that washed through me like the rays of the sun. I wanted to see them again, but I knew that out of anything would kill me the most. To see him look at me again, to see me...see me for what I really am now.

It would be easier this way, to just watch him sleep, his chest rising and falling in a steady pace, at peace, fragile like a snowflake. I wanted to smile at the irony.

He stirred and my stomach gave the slightest little twinge of worry. I didn't want him to wake with me here. I looked down to his hand that lied still. Biting my bottom lip, I reached for his hand that was warm to the touch, smooth and clean. I entwined his fingers with mine.

We choose our own destinies.

"Well, it looks like I'm choosing a new one this time," I said quietly.

He moaned, hands curling around mine tenderly. Instantly, I felt a rush of heat hit my face and tears well up in my eyes. I sighed and leaned down to his forehead, kissing him softly.

"You are my grace now, keep it safe," I mumbled against his head, placing his curled hand against his chest.

I had to leave now.

I maybe never see him again.

If that's what my destiny was or my fate, whichever one decided to make a move, then that's how it would be.

My heart was no longer with me; it was with my love, and it was protected. That's all that mattered now.

With all the guts and pain in the world, I turned away from him, gazing one last time at his beautiful and peaceful face, cupping my hand on his warm cheek, touching him for the very last time before I turned away on my heel and stalked out of the door.

I love you.