❛ i don't want to go to go think i'll make it worse,
everything i know brings me back to us. ❜
⋆.ೃ࿔*:･☼
❛ cousins felt like a second home to the brooke family, year after year they would return to the same place every summer. but this year felt diff...
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chapter fifty five — pushing it down 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰:
"I feel as though I have let everyone down," I said, sitting on the uncomfortable chair covered in showroom-like cushions plumped to perfection, "You know, maybe it's good that I'm not going to the dedication."
"And what makes you believe that?" Ryan, my therapist, questioned.
"I felt this massive pressure digging into my back for it to be perfect." I sat hunched over on the sofa, fiddling with the rings on my hands as I tried to explain how I felt.
Having a therapist isn't something that someone goes around gloating about; it's someone you go to when something bad happens that makes your life unbearable.
"That's understandable." Sometimes, his responses made me question why I sat in this beige room filled with overcrowded plants. "But it also shows that you care, and even if things aren't perfect like you imagine, caring is enough." Then again, he was good at his job.
"Okay, let's try this," he said. I nodded and took a deep breath, as he instructed me to. I was still getting used to these random intakes of breath and slow movements, but they felt helpful—at least I hoped they were; otherwise, he was definitely getting a kick out of this.
"Regardless of whether you're there or not, tell me about the best possible version of this day." I sat with his words for a minute, letting them sink in as I thought about how I imagined the day to be.
I chose to think of the best possible version of the day having me present, "Everyone gets along and uh, Liv and I get the plane to Cousins, and then I don't know-" I hesitated suddenly feeling a wave of embarrassment from my jumbled thoughts.
"That's okay, let's just take it one step at a time." Ryan moved his hands in a circular motion.
"You fly to Boston, what happens next?"
"Our flight lands on time, actually, no, we'd arrive early because she likes to watch the sunrise." I corrected, imagining the smile on her face at the sight.
"Olivia enjoys the sunrise?" I nodded.
I felt myself ease into the thoughts of being back at Cousins, "I'd see the 'Entering Cousins Beach' sign, and it feels like home, and we pull into the parking lot, and everyone's there." I bite my lip, picturing the excitement from everyone as they embrace Olivia and gawk over the lost time.
Jere and I would give our speech that we wrote together, and we would say exactly the right thing to honour our mom. She would be proud, I hope. The whole town would be there, everyone who loved her, too. Laurel would pull that face she makes when she's trying not to cry, so instead she smiles, but her lip begins to wobble. Even Dad would look happy. Steven's next to her, looking at us with pride on his face as he mouths that 'We've got this' whilst Belly has a gummy smile on her face. The Brookes are sitting beside them, Oakley holding his mom's hand in comfort.
