His Lover's Killer

Sleep is for the Weak

I just had to stop driving and settle in for the night before my brain would explode, it was already driving me insane beforehand. So I stopped at a small motel in the town called Columbus and surprisingly, it wasn't that cheap but I could care less since I was too exhausted. After paying the bill and getting my key, I went up to my room and as soon as I placed my bag on the ground, I collapsed on the bed, letting out a deep sigh of relief. As much as I wanted to keep going, my body just wouldn't let me, which I should've listened awhile ago. 

I tried closing my eyes and getting comfortable on the bed, but it just wasnt right. I wasn't used to sleeping alone in a bed, especially being married for 5 years. But now, I guess I'll have to get used to it since... well, you know. Just thinking of the future without her made the pain more unbearable as I tried to be more comfortable on the bed, but there was no use. As I laid my dea- useless body on the bed, I couldn't see anything but pitch black besides the occasional broken street light that turned on and off. I turned my sore body away from the window and sighed again, but this one seemed more painful. 

My nightmare has become true, for the worse. It's not that I've ever thought of the worst case scenario, but of course I never thought that it would actually happen. Every day when I went to work at a scene or a case, I thought of every possible scenario that would happen in that event. How was the victim killed? What possessions did they have before or after the attack? How much time did this or that happen? More questions piled up in my head that I couldn't even think straight. I shook my head and turned again, this time on my back, looking up at the ceiling. 

Who, what, where, when, and why? Those were to categories that made this mission impossible sometimes. I could only answer 1/5, which isn't a good sign even though it was only the beginning. Though I couldn't just let those questions go to waste, they were too important for this case. As I let my mind flow with these questions, I felt a sharp pain in my chest again. I shut my eyes and groaned quietly as I brought myself closer together. Fuck, what is making me feel like this? Rejection? Lonesome? My heart couldn't bare the truth that the one who I gave it to is gone forever. I tried so hard to not think about it, but now I don't think it was worth trying to block it all out. But I dared not to let my emotions out, I didn't need that right now, I couldn't let them pour out all at once, not in a moment like this. 

As my body got more unsettling, I just had to get out of the bed to take my mind off of things. So I got up but held my side tight against me as a sharp pain came through, groaning deeply again and closing my eyes gently. After calming my body down, I finally slowly got up and walked over to the bathroom and ran the sink, splashing the water on my face as I could feel myself burn up more and more. Come on you idiot, just stay calm. You can do this. Don't fall apart now, please. I could almost feel my heart start shattering, if there was any of it left. I shook my head slowly, sighing softly as I washed my face again. I glanced up to see myself in the mirror, it was pathetic how emotionally and physically drained I was. Jessica would be so worried and disappointed but she wasn't here, she never will be anymore. I clenched my fist and slammed it down. Shut up! I growled, furiously looking at myself in the mirror. Shut up, shut up, shut up!  I needed to turn off my brain somehow, maybe a bullet would work, but that was cowardness. Why shoot myself when my wife was already gone? What good would that do for any of us? I don't believe in heaven or hell but if there was ever such a thing, I knew she was up there and I would be deep in the bits of burning lava, so we couldn't see each anyway, even if we'd even wanted to. I sighed again at the realization, turning off the sink and rubbing my heated forehead, trying to cool it off. I exhaustedly made my way back toward the bed and sat down at the edge. Even though my energy was already drained out, I couldn't bring myself to fall back to sleep, like I was in the first place. I slowly glanced at the clock, already 6:30am. Are you fucking serious? I scoffed and shook my head. I've been awake too long and I was already too exhausted to stand up straight. Why was I so weak all of a sudden? I couldn't let myself slip, but with this much pressure on myself, I couldn't help but fall back a little. 

This was definitely the most difficult challenge I had to face in a long time but I'm not letting myself give up, I'm putting everything I could into this, even if it's the last thing I'll ever do in my life. I loved Jessica and I was proving to her, somehow, that I'm not letting her down. I looked out at the door that had a little sliver of light shining on it from the window next to it, deciding on my next step. I had to get out of here quick to catch that son-of-a-bitch killer. Who knows, he might've killed other people along the way, and not only their lives were in jeopardy, but mine was on a thin line as well.