His Lover's Killer

More than a Brother

That was the first time I've ever cried in my sleep. It was so painful to sleep alone in years, knowing that you used to have someone snuggling right up next to you, keeping each other warm. But now, my body was cold and too broken to remember how it used to be.

As I turned over to sit up straight, my insides were jumbled up and making myself heavy. I took a deep breath as I moved towards the edge of the bed, dangling my feet as I sat there, trying to regain my energy. I shook my head a couple of times to clear my vision but it only made my head throb more. There was no point in trying to recover my body since it's been completely shattered, so carefully landed down on my unsteady feet and wobbled towards the bathroom.

When I exhaustingly got to my destination, I slumped over the sink as I turned the water on. My eyes were so bloodshot that I could barely see anything in front of me, but I cupped some of the water in my hands and brought it up to my face. Sighing of relief from the sensation of the coldness on my face, I could feel myself come back to life from the dead. Now if only it was easy, I would pour buckets of water on Jess to revive her but of course, it wasn't that simple. I clenched the palms of my hands because I felt so angry with myself, how could I say such a thing? I was a selfish bastard who couldn't stop thinking about the every problem that I could've solved, but it was all too late for that.

Straightening up my back, I turned over to the shower and turned on the hot water. As the room filled up with steam, I undressed and forced my body into the small space. The water pierced my body that made me tense up as I exhaled slowly. This felt so sensational for myself, I definitely deserved this from everything that I've felt. Closing my eyes, I let my whole body rest because I knew how weak it was feeling. I could've easily just collapsed on the hard tile and soak up my body, but I didn't bring myself to do that. So I just let my body be still, for as long as it could. This is what I needed, to just relax, to just forget everything that I've been through, because it was tearing me apart.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Jake's P.O.V)

After knocking on the door, I instantly regretted it. I knew he didn't want to see me, he didn't to see anyone, especially after what he's been through, but my soul just couldn't let that go. He has done so much for everyone, someone had to check up on him once in awhile and being his wingman, I had the privilege to watch out for him.

But what was I supposed to even say to him? I know how devastated he acted when he found that ring, so I couldn't even imagine how he was doing now. As I was trying to collect my thoughts, I jumped as I heard the door open and when I looked up, it was so much worse than I thought. It looked like he's seen better day, but now he's just lost it. So torn up and damaged, I was surprised he was still trying to make it through.

"Oh my god. Nick... you look.." I couldn't find the right words to describe how badly he was.

"Like shit?" He finished my sentence. "As a matter of fact, I do." I could tell that he was loosing it by the sound of his raspy voice, it was so depressing to see my best friend fall apart.

I cleared my throat. "So, uhm... H-how are you doing?" I asked, even though I could clearly see the answer.

"You tell me." Okay, now he was pissed. But it was my right to see how he was and saw that he needed help, desperately.

I sighed, knowing that it was no use. "Nick, please. I'm just trying to help you out." I bit my lip, waiting for his reaction. But he only stayed still, looking at me like he was testing me and crossed his arms, shaking his head.

"No need to do that Jake, I'm fine." He reported but I heard his hesitation and shakiness in his voice. I couldn't just stand here and being lied to by my best friend.

"Look Nick, I know you want to be left alone, but someone has to look after you." I suggested, but now I regretted saying it.

"Who says?" He shot back, which made me froze. Cause I said so, I care about you, you idiot. I wanted to say back, but I couldn't manage to tell him the truth. Not here, not now, not ever.

I swallowed the hard lump in my throat as my palms started to heat up. I just wanted to slap him on the face to see how frustrating he was acting. I just wanted to help him out, why can't he just see that?

"You done here yet?" He asked like I was wasting his time. My eyes narrowed but relaxed as I sighed, knowing that there was no use getting to him. But no, he needed help, I was gonna help him out, if he liked it or not, because I cared for him so much, my heart basically reaching out to bring him in.

"Nick please, you need help. I get what you're feeling, please just let me help you out." I was so eager to hold him close to tell him that everything was okay and he could trust me, but that would never happen.

"I don't need shit from you or anyone else. So why don't you make yourself useful and leave me the fuck alone?" He firmly said but I didn't budge. I knew that I was setting myself on fire by doing this for him, but it was my decision, I was taking the risk.

"Nick, I'm not gonna stand here and listen to you lie to my face. I care about you and you need help." I was cracking my ice, but I didn't care, this seemed like the time that I had to spill my guts out to him. I stared at him as he looked back with his cold eyes. Did I get to him? Did he understand what I was saying? I didn't know, he was so hard to read.

He shook his head, looking down and sighed like he was defeated. Taking a deep breath, I walked closer to him and placed my hand on his shoulder, which was suddenly shaking. I kept staring at him, studying him more and seeing that his anger was clearing up, changing more into fear? I felt bad for pushing him like this, I didn't even intend to do so, but now that he had his guard down, I was ready to make my move.

"Nick.." I was ready to tell him, I couldn't leave him broken like this. "Please look at me."

He did so, with his emotion still the same. I don't know how he was feeling anymore, which might've been a good thing. I held onto him gently, bringing myself closer to him as I hugged him lightly. I could feel him tense up more which made me hug him tighter as my eyes watered. Taking a long deep breath, I finally found my words.

"I care about you Nick, please don't ever forget that." I told him before revealing my real truth. "because, I love you."

I felt his heart beating in his chest, which made me warm up inside. I couldn't help but smile a bit as I released from the hug and looked at him. Nick was... shocked? Confused? Angry? I still couldn't tell, but I didn't give a damn cause it was my chance to get what I've always wanted from him. I leaned in towards him and gently pressed my lips against his soft ones. I could feel him start to shake, so I rubbed his back to calm him down, but that didn't much. After my sensational desire met, I pulled back and looked up at him, waiting for his reaction but to my confusion, he didn't look pleased. Nick stood there, glaring at me like he was going to rip my throat out.

"Get out." He simply said, but I didn't understand why he was taking this so harsh.

"Nick, I-I just wanted to-" I tried to speak but he pushed me away from his warm body.

"Get the fuck out!" He screamed at me, making me back up. Now I really pissed him off. So I took his command, like always and quickly walked away from him.

So many emotions were forming in my body that I couldn't help but let a tear or two roll down my face. I still didn't understand why he reacted like that, but now I've regretted what I did. I shouldn't have showed my real emotions towards him, now all I felt was heartbroken, maybe as heartbroken as he felt by now.