His Lover's Killer

A Visit to The Graveyard

After I finished my soup and was able to be more motive, Steve suggested we'd go outside, since the fresh air could help me a bit. He told me that there was this beautiful park nearby but it was a bit of a walk, so we took my car. It was already getting dark outside, but we didn't mind, taking a break seemed like a good idea.

As we drove, well I was the one driving, through the populated city, Steve was a chatterbox. I didn't really mind, it was nice to have a decent conversation with a person that I really know for once. But as we were driving down a familiar road, I started to tense up a bit, and Steve could tell that I was getting nervous.

"Hey, you okay?" He asked as he put his hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah, uhm." I couldn't help but look around quickly. "D-do you mind if we'd, uhm, just go by the station for a bit?"

Steve nodded. "Sure, we're in no rush." I'm glad that Steve can also be so easygoing.

So as we made our way towards the station, I still couldn't help but feel tense. What was making me feel like this? Was it because this is where I started my mission for Jess? Well whatever it was, it was sure eating my insides.

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When we arrived at the police station, I felt more tense, like I didn't belong there anymore. As we walked in, I could feel everyone stare at me cause they all knew. But I wasn't going to let me get by, cause this feeling that was in my body was telling me that I had to be here, for some reason and I worried that I knew exactly what it was trying to tell me. Despite that, I confidently walked through the hallway with Steve curiously following behind me. As I shared glances with people, giving them a brief nod, they returned it, politely minding their own business. I passed Jake's office. He looked up, shocked and saw me but before he got up to great me, he saw Steve behind me. I didn't see what his expression was, but I had a bad feeling that I would have to explain who Steve was. But I didn't have time for that, I had a task and one task only, to see her one last time.

Still making our way, I spotted Chief across from us and I stood up straight, giving him a brief nod. "Chief."

"Nick , I'm surprised to see you with..." His eyes glanced over to Steve with confusion. "Friend... Anyway, what are you doing here? I thought you-"

"Where's Jessica's body?" I cut him off. Steve was surprised how calmly I said her name.

Chief cleared his throat. "In exam room 29." And with that, I continued my way to my destination.

The closer we got to that room, the more tense I could feel my body fill up with all the emotions that you could possibly imagine. But the one that hurt the most was the fear of facing my dead wife once again. I didn't want to, I couldn't, but my mind told me that I had to. When we approached the room, I stopped and turned to Steve.

"I just need to-" I started to say but he placed his hand on my shoulder.

"I understand, take all the time you need." He replied and softly smiled.

I nodded back at him, turned to face the door and took a deep breath. My body was heating up and palms were sweating like rainfall, but I had to do this, I would regret it if not. So when I was calm enough to make my final move, I took a couple of more steppes towards the door, reached my shaking hand on the knob, opening it slowly and stepped foot into the death chamber.

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Just by the feel of the atmosphere made my skin crawl. My nerves were already getting to me as I looked around the darkness that surrounded me. I tried to feel along the walls to find the light switch and when I turned them on, I jumped a little. Cautiously walking around the room, my eyes skimmed everywhere. Where could she b-. My thought and whole body suddenly froze as I stared at the table before me. I swallowed the hardship that was forming in my throat ever since we got here and I slowly walked towards the table. My body was shaking all over when I approached the bag, I was still surprised that my legs were stable enough to keep me up. As I brought my shaking hand on the zipper of the bag, my heart was racing twice the speed as it normally was when I entered. You have to do this Nick, this is what you wanted, just do it. So with that, I shut my eyes closed and quickly forcefully pulled the zipper in my hand and revealed the body. I was too afraid to look, but that wasn't the point of my visit, I wanted to see her. So when I slowly opened my eyes and saw her like it was the first time, my heart stopped.

There she was. Her pale white body matching her silver hair, her relaxed face as if she was in a deep slumber, she was all there, looking so peaceful. The marks were still on her face and neck, like when I saw her in the hotel, just before I had to leave her presents. As my shaking hands gently touched her cold face, I could already feel streams and streams of tears roll down my face. I knew this was going to be hard for me, but I was ready to face it.

"I-... I'm so sorry Jessica..." I whispered to her, as if she was really here, really looking up at me, all I was waiting for her to respond, to tell me that everything was going to be fine. But she said nothing, absolutely nothing, it was just silence. My tingling fingers gently grazed over her cold face.

Bringing my frozen body closer to her, I could feel that I was on the verge of another breakdown. I placed my head on hers and let my shoulder shiver.

"I'm so, so, so fucking sorry..." I started to choke on my tears. "You didn't deserve this... But I promise, I'll make it better, for us both... I promise..." I really hope that she heard me, because I meant every word.

That's when I finally broke. I just let everything pour out of me, still holding onto Jess's body tightly. I needed her so badly in my life, but I knew that was never going to happen. But by doing this, I think it'll help me release everything that I've been feeling. As I started to shake uncontrollably, I collapsed on the floor next to the table, but I still gripped her lifeless hand. I needed her to know that I've been trying so hard for her and that she was my everything. I squeezed onto her hand and brought it closer to my face, feeling the cold and emptiness of the touch. Feeling her hand made me remember that she was forgetting something. With tears blinding my sight, I slowly dug one of my hands into my pocket and brought out her faithful ring, she needed to be complete. So I tried to put it on her droopy hand but my hands were too shaky to process it, but when I finally placed it on her rightful finger, I exhaled the breath that I was holding in the whole time. I released the hand, letting it drop in front of me and let my body lay on the stale cold ground. I felt much better with her having that ring on, with knowing that she'll be a part of me forever, even though she's gone in the presence. But this made sense, she was my dear wife and with knowing that we are connected with medal bonds on our fingers, I could live or die happily. With that thought, I wouldn't have minded dying right here, in this same room with the love of my life. I wouldn't mind letting my life go, knowing that I'll be with Jessica forever. But that would be selfish, it wouldn't be fair to Steve or-... Steve, crap. I forgot that he was waiting outside. As I realized that I was keeping my patient friend from leaving, I slowly sat up and glanced at the dead hand that was hanging next to me. I slowly held it, squeezed it gently and brought my lips to it, kissing it lightly. It was a longer kiss than I expected it to be, but it was the last time that I'll feel any part of my love. When I released it and got up from my spot, I looked over at Jessica's body once last time, more comfortable this time and smiled at her.

"I love you Jessica. Forever and always." I gave her a warm smiled and started to walk off towards the door.

Before I was about to turn off the light, I paused. I don't know what made me stop but as I felt my body slowly turn back to the body, I quickly stopped myself and faced back towards the door. No you're done, you had your time. She's gone. It's okay. And with that, I took another deep breath and turned off the light, stepping out of the last place where I'll never see my love, my wife, my Jessica ever again.