His Lover's Killer

Turning My Life Around

I felt my body become much more lighter as soon as I got home. Collapsing on the couch pass the kitchen, I deeply sighed of relief. I needed a break, from myself, from all the bullshit that's been forming in my head. Now it's finally time to rest. I told myself. My job was done, so I could finally took my break. Making myself more comfortable, laying my back against the soft cushions and bringing my hands behind my back, I felt so calm with my body. The only thing that could make this scene so much more better, was holding the woman I love. But since I couldn't do a damn thing about it, this was the best I could do. All the stress that I've been feeling through this whole mess, I can finally release all of it. So as I slowly closed my eyes, I was ready to finally shut down, not in a negative way for a first.
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(Dream)

"Daddy, mommy, look!" Fantasia handed us a piece of paper, with colorful scribbles that formed unnatural shapes.

Trying not to be a disappoint to my daughter, I faked smiled at the poorly drawn picture of us.

"Very nice sweetie! It looks amazing!" I gave her the encouragement that a parent should always give their child. She smiled wide, pleased with my response.

"It looks just like us." My wife commented, looking at the picture from behind me.

"Well put in on a frame and hang it on the wall for everyone to see." She gently took the picture out of my hands and walked towards the kitchen.

As Fantasia ran off to do whatever she likes to do, I walked over to where Jessica was looking for a good frame.

"I know we have some of them around here." She said, kneeling down as she moved miscellaneous items around the cupboards. When Jess stood back up to look around, I wrapped my arms around her waist and brought her closer to me.

"Okay mister, what do you want?" She asked me, with a sly tone.

"Just you, for now." I smirked at her and laid my head on her shoulder, kissing her cheek.

Jess turned around, facing me and wrapped her arms around my neck.

"What else were you thinking about? I know you're hiding something." She gave me her one of the best smiles, telling me that I had to reveal my secret.

"You'll just have to wait and see. I don't think it's an ideal time to tell. Especially there's another set of ears listening to us." I whispered as I learned closer to her, kissing her lips with a peck.

She kissed me back, holding my head closer towards her own, deepening the kiss. I closed my eyes gently, taking the sensation in. I loved these moments where it was just us, where we tuned out everything around us. That was until a six-year-old snuck up on us.

"Eww! You two are kissing again!" Fantasia yelled, disgustingly looking at us. Jess and I looked at each other and laughed.

"Busted mister!" Jess lightly kissed my nose. We laughed again, but this time, it sounded like it didn't stop.
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To my disappointment, that wasn't the sound of laughter, it was the damn phone. Frustrated, I groaned as I had to get up from my comfortable fantasy. The phone kept ringing, which only triggered my announce. I'm coming, I'm coming, geez.

When I slowly got to the vibrating wall, I picked up the phone, still annoyed.

"Hello?" My tiring voice wasn't pleased.

"Hey, uh, Nick. How are you doing?" It was Jake, why was I not surprised?

"Fine." I responded quickly. I really didn't feel like talking to him.

"You su-,uh. That's good to hear." Jake was nervous, but about what?

"Anyway, what's up?" I just wanted to get to the point.

"Uhm... Well uh.." His shakiness in his voice was irritating me.

I rolled my eyes. "For fuck sake Jake, just spit it out."

He sighed into the phone. "I'm sorry about earlier. It's just, I don't think you deserve to be this depressed. I really want to help you out." That was it?

"So you basically called me to tell me the same shit you told me earlier?" This was ridiculous.

I heard him swallowed hard. "I-I... Just... Uhm..." He sighed again. "I'm sorry..."

I took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. "Jake... I understand why you want to care for me, I get it. But there is no reason for you or anyone to do that, because nothing will be the same. I'm not going to pretend to go back to normal. It's just not going to happen. I've stressed too much on that damn case and it was just a waste of our time." I took a pause to let him absorb my information. "That being said, I'm still not going to mope around like a child. I'm responsible enough to take care of my emotions. Yes I've lost absolutely everything, but I'm able to keep going despite my heartbrokenness." I took a deep breath to gather the rest of my thoughts. "You've helped me get through the end of the case, I'm very appreciate for you doing so. We both worked our asses, well mostly mine to find out answers. But I still couldn't have done it without my wingman. Are you understanding what I'm saying?"

"Y-yes I think so." Jake responded, not confident in his answer.

Sighing at the lack of trust the boy must be feeling, I continued my speech.

"You have no reason to be upset at yourself, just because you care so much about me or that you feel awful for your actions, I still want you to know that I respect you being my side the whole way. We've worked together for years, we shouldn't let our emotions distract or depart us from each other, because we need to watch each other's backs. That's why I still need you to stay with me, that's why I'm not that upset with you. Alright?" By the end, my heart was racing and I was almost out of breath.

"Yes sir." That boosted him up, I smiled at the luck I brought to him.

"Good. I'm glad I could finally knock some sense into you."

He chuckled a bit. "Anyway, uhm... Are, are you coming back to the bureau anytime soon?" That was a good question and I still haven't had the time to form my answer.

"To be honest, I'm not entirely sure. I do miss the work, not going to lie. I think it'll do good to keep my mind back on track, but I've just been too exhausted to try it." I reported back. I would probably need to think about the decision when my mind is cleared up a bit more.

"Understandable sir. And uh, Nick?"

"Hmm?"

".... I'm glad you're doing better. Hope to see you again soon."

That made me grin. "Thank you Jake, I appreciate it." And that was the end of our conversation.

Putting the phone back in it's place, I stood there for a moment. Things have been feeling more positive, as ironic as that sounds. But I was relieved, I needed the positivity. Smiling, I walked over back to the couch and laid back down in my position. Now, back to my wonderland. And with that, I closed my eyes and dreamt of my lovely wife and wonderful baby girl.