His Lover's Killer

Positive Thinking is the Key to Life

I've been through a lot of shit lately, if you haven't noticed, but I could handle it pretty well. Kidnapped, car crashes, bullet wounds; I can handle it all. But the one thing that could slip through me was a cold. The running was of my nose, my throat being more sore than it was and feeling like I was rotting inside was not making me feel any better about myself. Still laying on the couch from the night before, I didn't have the energy to move an inch. Maybe taking those cigs have finally taken it's toll. As I tried to sigh deeply, a deadly cough came up to me. I groaned from the pain that burned in my chest. This was ridiculous, on top of my depression I had to have this damn sickness. Now I was more useless than I was before. I turned over to my side to have a more comfortable position; it only made it worse. My brows narrowed, shaking my head in how ridiculous this was becoming. It's not like I wanted to get better or anything.

As I slowly tried to fall back asleep, my damn phone started ringing next to me. Perfect timing... Lifting my sore body up from it's comfortable position, I reached towards my phone and flipped it up to speak into it.

"Yeah?" My voice was sounding more like a train wreck.

"Oh my god, what happened to your voice?" Steve's caring voice never doubted me.

"It's nothing, just something that sli-." Cough. "Slipped. Anyway, what's up? You doing alright?"

"Am I doing alright?! You're worried about me when you're basically just waiting to die on your death bed! I'll be right over, just hang tight."

"Wait, you don't ha-" click. Great.

I sighed deeply in defeat as I dropped my phone next to me. One of my biggest pet peeves was someone taking care of me when I could obviously take care of myself. And Steve was coming over to just do that. Though I couldn't blame him, he was like my caretaker, always making sure that I was doing well.

Well.... I don't think that was even close for how I've been feeling lately. The lost and heartbroken from before has completely disappeared. It hasn't resolved, it's just... not there anymore. I couldn't feel a thing. All my nerves and senses have been gone ever since my breakdown from the other night. Was it right for me to feel like this? To feel, nothing? I should feel ashamed, guilty that I couldn't moan for Jessica anymore. Maybe I've moved on? No, I couldn't have. She was everything to me, I couldn't just forget what we'd had together. Though, maybe this was a good thing. Maybe I needed to let myself go, let all the negativity escape from my mind, and start to think more positive. That was my goal, right? To make a new start? I took a deep breath to clear my mind, I need to focus on this more than getting sidetracked. Sound familiar?

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When Steve said he was going to be right over, he really meant it. Not 10 minutes after our phone call, I heard Steve come through my door. Maybe I shouldn't have given him a key to my place, but too late now. When I slightly opened my eyes, I could see him already making food for me.  He was too kind.

"You know you don't HAVE to do this, I can take care of myself." I mumbled, hopefully loud enough so he could hear me.

"Don't be silly. Like I'm going to let you do this by yourself. You're worse than I saw you the other day." Steve replied with his welcoming smile.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. Being weak as it is was embarrassing enough, but letting my flamboyant friend take care of me; well let's just hope no one walks in and get the wrong picture. Don't get me wrong, Steve was an excellent friend to have, but when he starts getting all caring and motherly, that when I really think that he was better than my own parents, and that's saying something.

As Steve finished up with whatever the heck he was making me, he walked over towards me as elegant as a server would. I slowly day up, clenching my sides again cause they were crushing my insides.

"Thanks." I mumbled as I grabbed the soup from him and started slurping it up.

"You know what your problem is?" Steve commented as he sat down next to me, watching me carefully.

I raised my eyebrow at him. "What could possibly be my problem Steve?"

"You're too hard on yourself. You need to relax and think more on the positive! Find something better in your life and take off from there! Maybe this whole FBI thing isn't working for you anymore. Just take a break from that." He was sounding like my mentor.

I shook my head. "I can't just quit the bureau, they need me. Besides I'll be fine, this is just a break for me."

Steve gave me "are you serious" look. "Yeah, 'just a break'. Nick, when I saw the other night, I could tell that you were on the edge. I really think that you need to stop. I'm sure Jessica wou-"

"How would you know what Jessica would've thought?" I shot him a glare.

"Just.. uhm.. Well..." I knew he would be stumped.

"Exactly." I went back to my soup. "You wouldn't know because she's dead."

Steve sighed. "You can't continue to think like that Nick. It'll tear you apart." He was really worried about me, I could tell.

I shook my head slowly. "Not that it's already been doing so." I sighed deeply. "Steve I get what you're saying and I'm trying my best to think more positive, but I can't just live my life like nothing happened." I glanced up at him to see his disappointment.

"Alright, just thought i could enlighten you or something. I knew it wouldn't work either way." Steve replied and with that, he got up and made his way to the kitchen.

Dammit, now I HAVE to apologize. Sometimes I don't know if I'm too hard on people when I tell them the truth, and with me having a soft heart, I always felt guilty afterwards.

Putting the bowl of half-eaten soup on the table next to me, I got up.

"Steve, wait."

He turned to me, still with his disappointed look. I walked over to him, putting my hands in my pocket and looked down.

There was a pause.

"...maybe.." I bit my lip. "Maybe you can help me with this... Positive thinking stuff..." I rubbed my neck in embarrassment. I wasn't used to being such a soft guy. But by saying that made his mood go back to normal like he wasn't sad in the first place.

"Really?!" He excitingly said and hugged me tightly. "Oh I knew you would've given in sooner or later!" As he hugged tighter, I could feel my ribs crack a bit more.

"Yeah, okay okay! Just, relax, alright?" I slightly pushed him off and took deep breaths. I definitely not use to this.

"Don't worry Nick, you're going to get back to normal! I'll make sure of that, promise!" Steve was really into this. Me on the the hand, not so much, but it was worth a try.

But like I said before, I need to start new and with Steve helping along, I think this was going to be easier than I thought.