His Lover's Killer

Home isn't so Sweet

I was very pleased that the helicopter dropped me off right by my apartment complex, they knew that I wasn't about to make it here with my lack of strength. So after they instructed me to get bed rest and took off, I was on my own, slowly making my way up the tiring stairs to my place. As each foot stomped on the metal plates, my leg pierced a pain but I didn't bother stopping, since I was already so close to collapse. Finally unlocking my door and entering the small entrance of my deserted home, I forced myself to move a little longer before I collapsed down at the chair nearby. I didn't even realize that the place was pitch black, I just had to rest my exhausting body. I sighed deeply as I rested my head on my hands, taking deep breaths that I could barely fit in my lungs. My breathing turned into shaking unevenly to long gasps of air. I don't even know how I was still alive, well barely alive now, through all that mess, but my mission was completed, and now I got my reward.

As my breathing became a little easier to adjust to, I slowly looked up, looking around in the darkness of my presents. Nothing was here anymore, it all just became dead. No more welcome hugs or kisses, no more delighted "I'm so glad you're safe" look on her face, no more sharing a life with someone that has been with me for the past few years. All of my hopes for coming home have been long gone ever since that night I saw Jessica's body in the hotel. She didn't even die where we began it, she died in an unknown area that started this whole mess. I shook my head, dropping it down again and just let my tears fall out. I didn't know what I felt anymore, just numbness in my heart. The only sounds that I could hear were the beats echoing through my chest. I have nothing to live by anymore but that doesn't mean that I'll end it at this very moment.

I honestly didn't know what to do anymore, how to move on with my life, how to become my old self again, I just didn't see the point. That's when I finally had to break down, just letting my tears fall all over my face. I've gone through so much in my life to succeed but by the end, I still failed. I failed my family, my friends, my work, my wife, and myself. I thought that I could die happily, knowing that I've did good in my life, ending it on a happy note; oh how I was wrong about that. The soft cries turned into bawling my eyes out as I cupped my hands on my face, resting it on my shaky knees. I just had to let it all out before I do anything stupid, and trust me, I had many stupid ideas on my mind. But by relaxing my whole body in one spot, I could finally think normally, even though I didn't think of much.

I stopped crying as I heard my stomach growl at me for one final request. Right, I need to take care of myself first. I remembered and pushed my broken body towards the kitchen, slowly making my way to the fridge. After opening the door with the rest of my strength I had left, I wasn't surprised to see barely anything there, except for some rotten fruit that the flies have enjoyed and a couple of bottles of beer, which I took without second guessing. Closing the fridge back up and tightly gripping the top of the bottle, I sat back down at my seat and took a swig of the desaturated drink. It tasted awful but it was better than nothing. I coughed as some of the liquid brushed against my painful throat, stinging my already damaged voice from all the screaming.

I gently closed my eyes, putting my drink down in front of me and just tried to rest my body in my position. There wasn't anything to think about anymore, no more positive thinking, because there wasn't anything that was positive to think about. I'm such a buzzkill, aren't I? I thought to myself, slightly grinning. Despite of my negativity in situations, Jessica would play the other card. I suppose that's how we balanced out so nicely, some sort of Yin-Yang combination. I lowered my head down again, running my hand through my hair. Now it's all just negativity, no more positive with me. My whole other side was gone, vanished before I could reach out to save it.

I haven't realized what time it was until the shockingly bright light shined through the window in front of me. The heat burned on my eyes as I shut them quickly since I was not used to the sight of light yet. I decided to get my lazy ass up and get it to bed, as I painfully got up and slowly shuffled to my bedroom. It's not only mine, it was hers too. I don't know how I could manage to sleep in the same bed where we sweetly talked about the future, made love, and felt comfortable with each other's bodies. But here I am, in that same exactly spot where it all happened, now all alone, with no one to share my feelings with.

As I sat on the side of the bed, I saw a piece of paper on the desk next to me. Confused, I picked it up and with the slight light grazed acrossed it, my heart dropped. It was the list of names that Jess and I came up with, for the baby that will never come into our lives. It had to sections, boy and girl. As I scanned through the list, my gaze stopped at the name I recognized. Fantasia. I remembered that name when I was in the forest, taking it all in. The tips of my fingers brushed on the paper as I trailed over the name. That would've be a perfect name. A perfect name for my unborn baby girl.

I sighed deeply, putting paper back and rubbed my sore eyes. Then I managed to turn my body over and laid on my back, with my hands behind my head. As I stared up at the dark ceiling above me, I thought if anyone else knew about Jessica's death and if we should even have a funeral. That made the pain from my stomach come back, making me suddenly yelp. I shut my eyes closed, trying to bare the pain that I thought I would never feel again.

Luckily when the pain started to die down, I let my breath out of my dry mouth, making me cough up the dust that was formed in the room that was abandoned this week. This week. I didn't even know what day it is, that's how focused I was on for the case but now that it was all over, I've realized how time and energy it all took. I shook my head and let my eyes droop down to finally rest. I didn't even start to dream, I just let my mind flow out for the night, I was too tired to even try to stop it. As the images of Jessica popped into my head, I couldn't help but let the rest of my tears weep out for my beautiful dead wife who I'll never get to hold again.