His Lover's Killer

Just Let It Go

I couldn't feel anything, I was frozen. Other than hearing the thunder around me, nothing else occurred to me. My blood wasn't pumping anymore, I could even feel all of my organs shut down, leaving me paralyzed on the ground. The only movement I could do was to slowly breath through my broken body. I was scared, I was going to die here, all alone.

Jessica didn't even die alone, she died right next to me. But here I am, with no one around me, guess she was the lucky one. No, she wasn't lucky. She had everything going for her. And then it suddenly ended.

Yet, here I am, still living through this pain that has started from the very beginning, but now giving up because I was tired of this shit. What the hell happened to me? How did this destroy me so much that I couldn't even feel my body anymore? Whatever it was, it was winning because I've given up, I was done fighting back because there was nothing else to fight back for.

As I closed my eyes and let the rest of my tears in my body to fall out, all I could hear now was the thumping in my head, probably the only life source I had left. I couldn't even breath right, actually I didn't know if I was even breathing, I was just laying here, waiting to let my body finally disintegrate into the ground. I doubt anyone would find me, I didn't even care anymore, because nothing mattered.

Right before I let my body waste the last drop of existence, I could vaguely hear shouting above me. I didn't know if I was imagining it or just going crazy, but the voice sounded familiar, like it was coming from an angel.

"Nick, you have to wake up now sleepyhead."
The voice said softly.

When I could barely open my eyes, for what I could see was unimaginable. Jessica herself was sitting in front of me.

Yeah, I was definitely going crazy.

"J-Jess?" My damaged vocals managed to progress.

The Jessica figure smiled as if I was going joking with her.

"You must've really hit your head to not recognize me, silly. Now come on!" She stood up, brushing away the dirt off her clothes.

I shook my head as I tried to sigh but it turned into deep coughing.

"You're not here Jess, but I suppose I really did bump my head too hard to imagine you." I replied in my raspy voice but the next thing I knew, I was on my feet, being held by the angel.

"Do I really have to help my big strong man walk?" She teased. Okay, I must admit I deserved that.

I looked at her confused, still trying to process if she was really here or not.

"What are you doing here? Why are you helping me?" I asked.

Jessica gave me her famous warm smile that I missed. "Because you needed it. You really thought that I would let you end it now? After all we've been through?" Her laughing made my heart start to revive itself.

I had to crack a smile. Regardless if I hit my head hard enough to imagine her, I was certainly happy to see the woman I once lost. She looked more gorgeous than I last saw her.

But this didn't seem real. How could she be here all of a sudden? Did she really hear me weep for her? As I leaned back on the tree, I couldn't help but blush a little.

"Why are you looking at me for?" Her ghostly face started to turn a light red, just as I remember when she was alive.

I shook my head and sighed, tilting my head up.

"Am I finally dead? Is that why I can see you?" I asked her again, my curious was wandering.

Jess just laughed again as she shook her head. "Just be patient sweetie. I'm just here to help you out." She smiled at me again. I just couldn't help stare at the woman who I've loved for years. And now she was here, with me. I reached out my hand to touch her, to see if she was really here but to my avail, my hand just went through her. I sighed deeply, disappointed to realize that she wasn't really here.

But as I looked down, my head was lifted by her soft hands gently. She still had her warming smile on her face.

"I'm so proud of you Nick, getting this far for me. I've seen you struggle but you always fought through it. That's why I love you." She told me in her sweet calm tone.

As she leaned towards me, that's when more tears that my body generate slowly ran down my face. My breathing became choppy as I tried to calm down. But as I kept looking into my lover's eyes, she whipped my tears and gently hovered her lips over mine, almost touching.

I wanted to pull her in and be with her forever, but that was impossible. She was just a figment of my imagination.

"Nick." Jessica whispered. "Don't worry. You'll do fine, I know you will." She smiled at me again before she disappeared into the air.

And that was it, just like that.

My head was still spinning uncontrollably that I had to hold onto a branch to keep my balance. With my heart still racing and my mind filling up with thoughts, I tried hard to focus on getting out of here and searching for help. As I took deep breaths to calm my body, my body started to shiver again.

Fuck... I need to get the hell out of here. B-but how? I was absolutely useless. Not being able to move well and no one around me, this couldn't get any worse. Damn, did I just jinx it?

As I tried to straightening out my body, I could hear the rest of my bones crack. Bitting my lip to ease the pain, I wrapped my arm around my side where it was coming from. I looked up to see where I could go but it was absolutely pitch black outside. Now I was more scared than before.

The cold wind came through me again, feeling like it was electrocuting my insides. I held on to myself, shivering like crazy, and tried to make myself move forward but my leg felt like bricks. But regardless of the increasing pain, I slowly made my way out of the forest.

Every time my feet made contact with the ground, thousand of needles sparked up my leg, making an unbearable pain through the rest of my body. I couldn't make it out like this, it was impossible, I needed help desperately. But who the hell would help me? Obviously I couldn't call Jake or Steve back, that would make me look more like a cowardly fool than I was to them.

As I slowly made progress through the forest, the pain grew in my body. Taking deep breaths, I tried to contain myself from breaking down again. Come on, you idiot! You just have to get out of here, you have to...

The blood pumping through my body started to break up into chops, making it harder to walk. Fuck, this isn't good... I stopped to hold my head up as I started to see black spots. As my breathing started to shorten, that's when the coughing came up and burned my lungs. The coughing was uncontrollable that I collapsed to my side, the sudden contact on the hard ground destroyed more of my bones.

"Dammit!" I gritted my teeth as I whispered through them. I was getting nowhere in this condition. Why should I even bother trying if I just got worse? As I looked up slowly, I felt droplets of cold icicles from the rain cover my face. I sighed deeply, knowing that I was going nowhere, I was even more useless than before. Without a steady grip for me to balance on, I was stuck here. Laying back on the ground where I first started my painful journey, my lungs were burning inside as the air tried to escape but there was no passage for it to get through. And when I started to see big slouches of darkness suddenly, that's when I knew that this was it.

I was dying here, alone, with no medical attention; just like Jessica. But she deserved to live, unlike me. No, we were going to live our lives together like normal people are suppose to. We were going to start a family, then all of this bullshit started. And what was it for, nothing? Apparently. But that didn't matter anymore, nothing did. Because as I started to feel the darkness crawl inside of me, everything seemed to disappeared in front of me, just like the very beginning.