His Lover's Killer

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(Jake's POV)

Weeks have passed and I was still worried sick about him. He can't be dead, he just couldn't be... He could go through anything, from hostages to the battlefields, he was always at his best. But this, just a bullet got him to fall.

I couldn't imagine how people at the bureau were taking the news. They all knew that Nick was one tough son of a bitch but this... This was his final breaking point, he went too far this time.

My drive home wasn't anything exciting either, but it seemed harder to focus this time. My thoughts were all in knots, thinking about Nick, the Bureau, and this new kid... Steve was it? I actually felt bad for the kid, I could see that he cared for Nick dearly, and now it's taken a hard toll on both of us with Nick's tragedy.

Surprisingly I could feel tears roll down my face. I shook my head for my ridiculous behavior, but the tears kept coming that I had to pull over or else my emotions would literally drive me crazy. As I tried to control my heavy and choppy breathing, my heart was pounding so hard in my chest that it was harder to breath. What the fuck was wrong with me?

I slammed my fist hard the steering wheel because I was so pissed at everything. But then again, I was also upset at myself, for my cockiness towards Nick. He's been so nice to me, saved my ass for years and has taught me so much; and I was a jerk towards him because of my jealousy. Shaking my head slowly, I sighed deeply as my mind started to realize how much of an idiot I've been. I ran my hands through my hair to try to calm down but my heart rate was still going fast. I knew that my behavior was ridiculous, since I was driving myself insane with my own thoughts, but it felt like my body and mind are punishing me for my actions. 

Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I wondered how it would've been if none of this shut actually happened. What if Jessica wasn't murdered in the first place? Would've me and Nick's relation grown or would've I still be jealous of the love they gave each other? I hated thinking about these possibilities at a time like this, but my mind couldn't help itself. It wanted answers but now they could never be solved because my source has been expired.