His Lover's Killer

Friendly Connections

Before long I decided to at least take a walk downtown, just to clear my mind. But with the busy roads and noise atmosphere, it wasn't easy to concentrate. Nevertheless I continued adventuring down the streets of downtown Portland, which was always alive with music and laughter. Though, tonight would be one of the nights where I won't be laughing. With my hands in my pockets and keeping myself close together, I just wanted to forget everything that I've been feeling for the last couple of days.

Without even looking, I've managed to stumble upon a small bar that I'd recognized. I slowly made my way through the crowded area and sat at one of the seats at the bar. As I tried to calm my nervousness, one of the bartenders came up to me.

"Anything for you sir?" They asked me before I could calm down my body.

"Just something that'll make me forget." I mumbled and they nod, understanding my request.

I sighed deeply as they started making my drink. I just had to have something to cool down my nerves, they were attacking my body, making me feel numb. I didn't know if I shut let myself completely shut down now or when I get home, but I could slowly feel my body distress, letting my shoulders slump over.

As I reached for my drink that was placed before me, the reflection of my gold ring caught my attention at a glance. I stared at it glumly, taking it all in. Then remembering that I kept it, I reached into my pocket and took out Jessica's ring that was on Devin's unfaithful finger. I studied hard, glancing back at my very own ring. Sighing deeply, I clenched my hand, holding the ring tightly in my hand as I let a tear slowly roll down my face. I have failed her. It was the truth and it was unbearable to admit it.

"You don't look so good honey?" A calming voice spoke next to me and I turned my head slightly to find the face. My eyes widen as I perked up, recognizing the familiar figure.

"Steve?" My raspy voice asked the figure, who had a wide smile on his face. Steve was my roommate in college and was a dear friend to me.

"What's wrong sweetie? You look like you've been through a war." He asked, surprisingly concerned, but Steve being Steve, I knew he would've been worried.

I looked back down and nodding slowly. "I guess you can say that, it's definitely felt like one."

Steve moved closer to me, putting his arm on my shoulder. "You want to talk about it?" I shook my head and he knew not to push it.

"So, how are you and..." He tried to remember her name and I'm glad that he didn't say her name.

"Jessica? She's... Uhm... She's..." I bit my lip, trying so hard to finish my sentence but I couldn't bare ending it as I could feel the tears form in my eyes.

Steve was studying me and put his hand on my shoulder. "No need to say it, you don't have to do that to yourself."

Living with him for four years, he knew I had my limits and he didn't push me, I respected him. I gently closed my eyes as the small streams of tears rolled down my face.

"I just... still can't believe that she's really gone." I whispered in between my deep breathing.

"I couldn't imagine what you've been feeling. I'm so sorry to hear." Steve comforted me. I was very pleased to have a friend like him be by my side, I needed a shoulder to cry on.

As he started to rub my back, my tears continued to pile up in my eyes, I didn't know how much longer I could hold them back.

"Just let it out, it's okay. I can see that you need to do that." He was definitely right. So with his approval, I shut my eyes closed and broke down, again. Right when I thought I was done crying, I had so much more to pour out. I was embarrassed to show this side of me in front of a friend, but he understood and was here to help me out.

So much pain I've held in for the past couple of hours, so much I needed to release and I finally had the chance to do so. With the only person I could trust, I felt comfortable pouring out my emotions.

"Dammit!" I shouted as I slammed my fist on the counter. I was so upset with myself that I was acting this way, but I knew that I couldn't keep it in anymore, it was good to release it all.

"Dammit, dammit, dammit!" I kept hitting the counter in anger.

"Nick, please." Steve tried to calm me down but my boiling anger kept me tight.

I exhaled heavily as I ran my hands through my hair roughly. I was so fucking sick of this shit. My whole soul and body were absolutely crushed, I couldn't save myself anymore, I was just leaving myself to rot.

"Sorry..." My voice cracking, I couldn't believe that I broke down again, how pathetic. Steve have me a supportive smile and kept rubbing my back.

"It's okay, just don't push yourself." He told me. "I don't want you to do more than you can handle. You don't deserve it."

He was right. I've pushed myself so hard for the mission, for Jessica, and I was completely to torn apart. I didn't know how much longer I could handle this.

"Maybe I should just end it now..." I said to myself but didn't realize that Steve could hear it.

His eyes widen and he turned me hard towards him. "Are you seriously loosing your mind?! Nick, you can't think like that."

I looked down, not even caring what he was saying, cause it didn't matter, nothing did.

"Why waste your breath Steve? You can clearly see how torn up I am. What could possibly be better to think about?" I asked, he could hear my decreasing tone. I felt my head being pulled up and faced his warming brown eyes.

"Nick, everything is going to be alright. Trust me." His gently smile made my heart more.... stable and I couldn't help but bring him into a tight hug. He was pleased as he hugged me back.

After for some time, we were on our way out the door. I didn't even realize that we were hand in hand until I felt the light pressure of his finger rub against mine. I looked down, realizing what I was holding and quickly pulled my hand away.

I cleared my throat. "Uhm... Thanks for uh, helping me out here." I stuttered and he smiled at me.

"I'm glad I could help you out Nick." He cheerfully said. "We should meet up again sometime."

I nodded. "Yeah, definitely." He made me feel... myself, he was fine with this side of me, it made me feel more comfortable to be around.

There was a loud honk that made me jump. Steve and I turned our heads to the direction of the noise. Steve perked up.

"Oh that's my ride." He looked back me. "It was really nice seeing you Nick. Please take care." He reached out and hugged me gently.

Hugging him back, I sighed of relief. "You too." I whispered.

The honking continued and Steve pulled back quickly, embarrassingly blushed a bit and ran towards the car that was impatiently waiting for him. I watched him as he waved good-bye and was out of my sight. I was generally glad to end this night on a good note and to hopefully make it better tomorrow. Things were looking up, thanks to Steve. I smiled as I turned around and walked back to my empty house that was awaiting for my arrival to be safe and sound.