When Chris Brown said,
"I'm a student of love,"
I felt that.
It resonated with me —
deep,
like a bassline under skin,
like a truth you don't just hear,
you remember.
Cause every day,
I'm out here —
not just living,
but learning.
Learning the dos and don'ts of love,
like it's a class with no syllabus,
no office hours,
no guarantee of a passing grade.
Just out here stressing,
like a broke college student —
eating struggle meals,
losing sleep,
trying to make sense of feelings
that don't come with instructions.
I've studied heartbreak like a textbook,
highlighted every mistake in neon pain,
underlined every almost,
every "we tried."
I've taken notes on silence —
how it can be louder than any argument,
and hurt just as much
as the real thing.
How sometimes,
love doesn't end,
it just changes majors —
leaving you confused,
and somehow,
still excited.
I've learned that love ain't always soft.
Sometimes it's a pop quiz
you didn't know you were taking,
and the only right answer
is to keep showing up.
When in doubt,
keep choosing C.
But I'm still enrolled.
Still showing up to class,
even when the lessons hurt.
Cause love —
real love —
is the only subject
worth failing for,
and trying again.
You just gotta
keep studying,
waiting for the parts
where you finally get it right.
They asked Chris,
"Do you believe in marriage?"
And his response —
"I'm a student of love" —
made me feel
every relationship I've ever had,
all at once.
Reliving the heartbreak,
and everything else.
Let's not get it twisted —
I do believe in love.
I believe in marriage.
But whether or not I'll be doing it...
that's still up in the air.
Because if I'm being honest,
I only want to do this
with one person.
When I love,
I love hard.
And when I trust,
I trust harder.
So while I'm here,
studying cover to cover
every subject
dealing with love —
I relish in the fact,
the simple, sacred fact,
that I've even been able
to fall in love
at all.
I've been able
to meet some pretty cool people
that I was in like with.
And doing all this studying,
I've learned just that —
in like,
not in love.
See, I get it now —
you won't like everything
about a person.
And once the honeymoon phase ends,
you start uncovering
new, hidden chapters.
But is it a crime
to still want real love?
To still be vulnerable,
and real —
yet still be just as madly in love
as I was in the honeymoon phase?
To want to be so madly in love
that I uncover strengths
that push me to be a better me —
not just for me,
but for you?
Like damn...
where's the instruction manual
that comes with this thing
called love?
Where's the caution tape
telling me to avoid
specific people?
Like I could've used
the flashing lights,
the sirens screaming —
"She will break your heart.
She will cause you pain.
Please do not touch.
Keep far away."
"This one's just as bad as the last —
comes with manipulation,
playing victim,
you will leave with trauma."
Or maybe,
"This one's perfect.
She's your speed.
Knows how to love herself,
and can love you too."
I mean damn —
help a man out.
I'm out here holding my breath,
trying not to waste
precious, valuable time.
But still learning the lessons,
so I can be picture-perfect
for the woman
that's supposed to be mine.
What can I say?
I'm just...
a student of love.
