I Can Be Happy (JongKey/OnKey)

I Stiffen My Legs, I Hate Myself Too

The rest of the day consisted of video games and Jonghyun goofing off while Kibum cooked them dinner, but then the time came where they'd both fall asleep in Kibum's bed.

It always happens this way lately, Jonghyun falls asleep and Kibum can't seem to get past closing his eyes. Jonghyun sleeps facing the middle, so for Kibum to make himself tired he just watches him, no touching, no talking, just watching him sleep peacefully. Kibum can never tell if he's really trying to fall asleep or if he's just torturing himself.

Though tonight was different, tonight he almost went to far. He was staring like normal, thinking the same thing he always does about kissing the older, but this time he found himself inching closer. He didn't realize it until he was breathing on the older. He quickly backed off and turned around towards the bed side table.

"Kibum?" Jonghyun's voice broke the silence.

Kibum froze, "Yes?" He answered.

"Can you not get to sleep?" He asked.

Kibum sighed, "No" He replied.

"Do you need anything?" The older asked.

"No, thank you" Kibum replied and reached for his phone, "Just get some sleep"

The older complied, making himself comfy again.

Kibum turned the brightness on his phone down as he began to text Minho.

Kibum: Hope you're free tomorrow because I'm coming over

He set his phone back on the table, knowing the younger was probably asleep by now. But, not even a minute later, he received a text in reply.

Minho: I'm free, what time are you planning on coming?

Kibum: Why are you up this late?

Kibum: Didn't Taemin sleep over?

Minho: He did

Kibum: Okay, so we're in the same spot right now

Minho: Is that why you want to come over?

Kibum: Yea, I have something to tell you

He turned the brightness back up and placed the phone face down on the table before getting comfortable and drifting to sleep.

Dreaming had become Kibum's favorite past time lately, as all of his dreams have been in his favor. Dreams filled with Jonghyun, and none made Kibum want to wake up. Every dream making him want to stay asleep for the rest of his life, some more than others.

Kibum's favorite part of this is that he hasn't had nightmares in a while, but he has to wake up from the dream at some point. And loving someone who can't love you back feels like a nightmare, no matter how many good things happen.

-

"Minho, I'm here!" Kibum called out in a sing song voice.

Minho walked out of his room to greet the older, but he froze when he saw the bottle in his hand.

"Kibum, are you drunk?" Minho asked serious.

"I may have had a few" Kibum admitted.

"Why?" Minho asked.

"Because it really fucking hurts being in love with someone who can't love you back, judge me one more time Choi Minho" Kibum answered, "At least Taemin isn't with anyone, but Jonghyun is very happy with a female"

"Just don't make the drinking thing into a problem" Minho told him, "You said you had soemthing to tell me?"

"I almost kissed a sleeping Jonghyun" Kibum told him, sitting down on the couch.

Minho couldn't help but snicker, "So, you stared at him so muh last night you almost actually kissed him this time?"

"I was watching him sleep like I've done before and the next thing I know I'm breathing on his lips" Kibum chuckled, "What a night it would have been if I had kissed him"

"I wonder how that would've played out" Minho said.

"In me crying" Kibum answered seriously, staring blankly at the wall.

There was a long silence as Minho finally sat down.

"I've been thinking" Kibum started looking to Minho beside him, "Why are we doing this to ourselves?"

"What do you mean?" Minho asked.

"We're in love with people who we're both pretty sure would never date us because of their sexuality" Kibum answered, "You have some hope to hold onto, but I'm holding onto false hope that I made up in my mind"

"We can't help who we fall for" Minho replied.

"Yea but, why didn't we just go for each other?" Kibum asked, "We're both gay and miserable" The older moved toward Minho, "We don't have to suffer this alone"

"Kibum, you're drunk, you don't actually want this" Minho told him.

"I want a distraction from this pain, don't you? It's killing me to know I'll probably never be with him, isn't it killing you too?" Kibum asked, "And this could just be our little distraction, it doesn't have to mean anything"

Before Minho could reply, Kibum connected their lips, kissing him hard. Minho kissed back before pulling away to speak.

"You're right, it does hurt. Taemin told me about his ex-girlfriends yesterday, I felt like I could've died" Minho told him, "But no one finds out about this, I don't want anyone to think we're dating"

"Deal" Kibum replied and slowly began to close the gap between them.