I Can Be Happy (JongKey/OnKey)

Even The Darkness Welcomes Me Tonight

They thought when they arrived Officer Choi would leave, but the man stayed and the atmosphere became uncomfortable as they waited for the nurses to say it was okay to see the now awake Minho. The nurses let all of them in at once, but Officer Choi waited outside and everyone was curious when he'd leave.

"I didn't know I had been bleeding that whole time" Minho told them, "I didn't feel light headed though"

"I didn't notice it either, it was so dark in there" Taemin added, even if they were trying to forget.

"If we had gone with you we could've prevented it, because you were right we would've found them quicker" Jonghyun contributed.

"What matters now is that everyone's alright" Kibum told them, trying to lighten the mood.

"They said you're aloud to go home, just be careful and don't do anything to reopen the wound" Jinki spoke up, "When you're ready we'll go"

"What happened with your dad?" Jonghyun asked Taemin.

"They put him in jail, we won't have to worry about him" Taemin answered, a happiness in their voice.

"It's getting late, and I'm sure everyone is tired, we should go" Minho suggests and gets up.

"Can I crash at one of you guys places, I don't think I'll make the drive home" Jonghyun asked as they watched Officer Choi spring up with eyes on his son.

"My couch folds out into a bed, you're welcome to sleep there" Kibum offered as he slipped him and Jinki's hands together at the sight of Officer Choi.

When Minho's eyes finally meet his fathers, everyone tenses and the air suddenly feels like it's suffocating them. Jonghyun walks out of the room first, and Minho is the last to walk out, an idea of the situation about to take place in his mind. They all push past the man, but, as Minho suspected, he grabs Minho's wrist before he gets to far.

"What do you want?!" Minho yelled, ripping his wrist out of his grasp and turning to the man.

"I want to talk to my son" Officer Choi answered, and it almost sounded like a plea for forgiveness.

"You said you didn't have a son a long time ago" Minho shot back.

"That was then, I made a mistake-"

"Oh you're damn right you did"

"But listen, I want to fix that"

"When did you start caring so much?" Minho let out a laugh, as if he thought the man caring was funny, "Because last time I checked, you're the one who left us with nothing in the middle of nowhere!" Minho yelled back before turning to leave, fist balled so tight it was beginning to hurt.

"Minho wait-"

Minho sighed, "The scar is too deep, there is no fixing it" He snapped and Taemin laced their hands together in attempts to calm him.

Everyone began walking again, faster than before, wanting out of there as quick as possible.

They made it back to the apartments without any unwanted followers, and most of them fell asleep as soon as their head hit the pillow. Most of them, that is.

Minho always showers before he sleeps, so that he doesn't have to do it that morning, but Taemin really wishes he had skipped it tonight.

Taemin has never had dysphoria this bad, but all the times anyone other than their friends talked to or about them it was always "he", "him, "his", and "boy". It had been gnawing at them all day, and being alone did not help. Their thoughts began attacking them, kicking and punching until Taemin was just sobbing to themself about how they weren't valid. It hurt, but Taemin didn't know what "it" was, but it hurt. They were at war with themself, and they wanted Minho to hold them and say "it'll be okay" and "you are valid no matter what", but they didn't want him to see them like this.

What Taemin used to do for this was just dress how they felt, but this time seemed to be different as they were sobbing in their favorite shirt and skirt they bought with Kibum. Nothing was working this time and the tears wouldn't stop, it felt like their own tears were starting to suffocate them. They were wheezing from crying so hard, air became scarce. they tried to think of something else, distract themself, but everything connected to the same thing. Dysphoria.

They had been growing out their hair, it's going to be nice having that much hair to work with. You should just cut it now, you are a boy in other's eyes anyway. Dysphoria.

Minho would be out of the shower soon to be with them. Minho is gay, not pansexual, what is he even doing with someone like you? Dysphoria.

Taemin overheard Officer Choi on the phone with Kibum who had to correct him on their gender identity. If you weren't fucking like this he wouldn't have had to. Dysphoria.

Their favorite skirt. You only have that because you can't make up your fucking mind. Dysphoria.

It was becoming unbearable, but when the calming sound of flowing water stopped Taemin went into panic mode. They didn't know how to stop crying, but they needed to before Minho came in to find them like this. They began wiping their tears and trying to slow their breathing.

"Stop crying... S-stop fuc-cking cry-i-ing" Taemin cursed at themself quietly, voice cracking. They felt so small in the middle of the bed they share with Minho, "S-s-stop befo-ore Min-ho" Taemin stuttered, tears continuing with their own determination.

The door knob began to turn and Taemin gave up and curled themself into a ball. They didn't see Minho's shocked expression as he walked in.

"Taemin, baby, what's wrong?" Minho asked, concern and shock in his voice as he crawled onto the bed next to them and pulled the younger into his arms, trying to console them.

No response came from them, just sobbing and wet tears that held all of the younger's secrets and worries in them, and when they broke the contents returned home never to be heard. Minho let them cry to him, knowing that he couldn't do anymore without knowing what was wrong. He didn't know he was doing just enough by being there and holding them. When the sobbing began to stop, Minho expected the younger to fall asleep, but when Taemin's voice broke the new silence he was proven wrong.

"I'm sorry" Taemin mumbled and Minho's heart shattered, the shards flying throughout him and making the pain worse as they stabbed him, "I'm sorry you had to see me like that"

"Taemin, I love you, these are the moments I need to be with you the most so I can help you. If you're sobbing so hard that you can't speak and I'm not there when I could be, then what kind of boyfriend does that make me?"Minho told them, his hand petting the top of Taemin's head.

"You deserve someone who's not a freak" Taemin began, "Someone who doesn't have panic attacks over stupid things. Someone who's father isn't an awful alcoholic. Someone who doesn't have dysphoria at the slightest pronoun. Someone... Who isn't me" The younger's voice became soft toward the end and tears threatened to fall from Minho's eyes.

"I don't want just anyone Taemin, I... I want you" Minho stopped before he began to cry.

"It's not about what you want, it's about what you deserve" Taemin corrected him.

"But what I want is more important" Minho caressed Taemin's cheek and wiped away a tear the younger didn't know was there.

"I love you" Taemin spoke softly, as if it was something for their ears only.

"I love you too" Minho spoke just as soft, and that's when Taemin's eyes fluttered shut.

That night they slept on top of the covers, legs tangled together and face to face. They slept through the morning and didn't wake up until the afternoon. Minho found these days with a sleepy Taemin to be his favorite.

AN: This chapter was hard to write, as it really hits home for me so it was hard to stay in character for Taemin, but I still did it. On another note though I read Anterograde Tomorrow and 10080 along with it's epilogue and I cried so much oh my god.