I Can Be Happy (JongKey/OnKey)

I Can't Come To My Senses

The next thing Kibum knew, it became a problem. He found himself drunk at midnight on his kitchen floor in front of the fridge with a pissed off Minho on speaker phone. Thankfully, Jinki seemed to sleep through Kibum's drunken hour and wouldn't even stir as the younger crept back into bed. He was careful not to get caught, knowing how it would break Jinki.

But tonight he guesses he just waan't as careful as usual, cursing at his phone when Minho wouldn't answer. He kept calling and calling, but before Minho answered he saw something emerging from the darkness.

"J-Jinki? What're you doing awake?" Kibum asked, trying not to sound drunk and stop whatever tears were threatening to fall.

"Kibum, come to bed, stop doing this to yourself" Jinki begged, coming closer and holding out his hand.

"I-I..." Kibum didn't finish his sentence as he lost his words.

"I'm not as heavy of a sleeper as you think, I feel every movement, and you coming back with the stench of alcohol on you worried me" Jinki took the newly opened bottle out of Kibum's hand and poured it down the sink before throwing it away, "Why are you doing this to yourself?" Kibum could hear the heartbreak in his voice as the older knelt down in front if him.

"That..." Kibum began, tears threatening.

"You know you can tell me anything, I'll listen and I won't judge" Jinki told him.

"You wouldn't understand" Kibum mumbled, looking away.

"You need to let me help you" Jinki told him, a plea in his voice.

"I don't need help" Kibum replied sternly dispite the tears escaping.

"Kibum, you're destroying yourself" Jinki grabbed the younger's chin, turning his head to look at the older.

"Then let me destroy myself" Kibum declared, and he could visably see Jinki's heart shatter, "Maybe I deserve this, have you ever thought of that?"

"Nobody deserves this Kibum" Jinki told him, tears of his own falling.

"You don't know that, you don't know what a piece of shit I am" Kibum replied, his head falling into his hands.

"That doesn't matter-" Jinki began.

"It does matter Jinki! If it didn't matter I wouldn't be doing this!" Kibum interuptted, hands running through his own hair.

"Kibum, come on, let's get you sober and then we can talk about this in the morning or something" Jinki said, lightly grabbing the younger's wrist and standing up.

"No!" Kibum ripped his wrist free, "Stop trying to help someone who doesn't want it!" Kibum yelled at Jinki for the first time.

Time stopped, and Kibum instantly wanted to eat his words and let Jinki help him instead, because as soon as Jinki processed that Kibum yelled at him, he was walking away.

"J-Jinki?" Kibum asked after some time had passed and the older had re-emerged from Kibum's bed room.

"I'm going back to my place for a while, contact me when you're sober" Jinki deadpanned, turning for the door.

"Wa-Wait! Don't go!" Kibum cried, feeling the need to curl up in a dark corner and cry.

"I'm doing what you said, I'm stopping. Don't talk to me until you're sober Kibum" Jinki repeated himself before walking out of the apartment.

When the door clicked shut, Kibum's tears didn't stop. He needed someone with him, to cry to or just to watch him, he didn't care. Half of his heart just walked out of the door anyway. He couldn't call Minho, the boy would kill him, and if he called Taemin then Minho would over hear. His only choice was Jonghyun.

He picked his phone off the floor and quickly dialed Jonghyun. The older answered after the first ring.

"Hello?" He didn't sound tired at all, but all of that slipped Kibum's mind completely.

"H-Hyung" Kibum managed through tears.

"Kibum, what's wrong?" He sounded more concerned than usual, Kibum rarely called him 'hyung'.

"I-... I made a mistake..." Kibum tried to tell him.

"Hold on, I'll be right over" Jonghyun replied, and Kibum's eyes widened.

"No don't-" He began but the call was ended before his pleas were heard.

Kibum thought about trying to look presentable, but he knew there was no point. He sat in front of his fridge, contemplating having another drink before Jonghyun got there. He knew he wouldn't finish it in time anyway, as Jonghyun didn't live far away and was probably speeding here. He just continued to cry, maybe if he cried enough then he wouldn't have any tears left for when Jonghyun tried to console him.

Kibum heard the door unlock and soon say the silhoutte of his best friend in the doorway.

"Kibum?!" Jonghyun's voice bounded through the apartment.

"Y-you didn't ha-ave to come" Kibum replied, wiping his eyes.

"I know you Kibum, and you were sobbing pretty hard, you need someone right now" Jonghyun told him, walking over and joining him in the floor, helping him wipe his tears, "Now, tell me what happened, and why you're drunk"

"I've been drinking a lot lately, for stupid reasons, but aparentlly Jinki has noticed. H-he tried to help me tonight and I-" Kibum stopped, tears welling up, spilling when a sob wracked his body, "I told him to stop trying to help me when I don't want it, I didn't just tell him I yelled at him Jonghyun" Kibum sobbed, "A-and now... Now he's gone. This was our first fight, but h-he left a-and I can't contact him until I'm sober and I have no ide-ea when that'll be"

"Come on" Jonghyun said and dragged the younger to his feet.

"Wha-what're you doing?" Kibum asked.

"You see, Jinki won't help people without them being on board as well. I, however, am going to make you sober up and talk to him and apologize" Jonghyun answered.

"But Jonghyun-"

"I can trust you to get in the shower yourself right? A cold one? I don't have to be your mother do I?" Jonghyun asked, ignoring any protests.

Kibum finally complied, knowing he couldn't get around it, and that if Jonghyun began undressing him that he'd have an awkward boner to explain. He took a cold shower, and when he got out Jonghyun had a glass of water for him. Kibum was halfway into his first sip when Jonghyun being up so late and not being tired began to strike him as strange.

"Wait, how come you're up so late and you're not tired?" Kibum asked, rubbing his towel into his hair.

"I was... Working on something" Jonghyun answered, rubbing the back of his neck.

"You're lying" Kibum replied, "I know you too well for you to even try to lie to me"

Jonghyun sighed before replying, "I have insomnia Kibum" He answered, "I haven't been able to sleep for a while, especially without Chaeyeong. When I was over here I tried to sleep for hours, hoping a new enviroment would help, but it didn't work"

"Have you talked to a doctor about it?" Kibum asked concerned.

"Not yet, I don't really see the point. They say it's not cureable" Jonghyun answered, "But enough about me. I'm going to keep an eye on you for a while, you will not be aloud around any type of alchohol. You need to be completely clean if you want to apologize to Jinki"

Kibum rolled his eyes at how Jonghyun was promising to be like a caretaker to him.

"Ya! Don't roll your eyes at me!" Jonghyun joked, "I'm your hyung, respect me!"

Kibum began to laugh and Jonghyun joined after a while. He was happy after all that had happened, but then he thought about Minho finding out and his heart sank. He didn't express his concern, instead he went to bed and Jonghyun sat in the living room, and that's how his night ended.