I Can Be Happy (JongKey/OnKey)

Just Hit Me That Much Instead

Kibum woke up and turned over to face Jinki, but he regretted it when the tears that followed reminded him what had happened that night. It's not that he didn't remember, he just hoped maybe it was all a bad dream. He knew better than that though, but that didn't stop him from hugging the pillow Jinki always used into his chest and sobbing into it. Part of him said "This is stupid, you should be glad he's gone. Now you can focus on Jonghyun" but his heart knew how he really felt about the boy. He couldn't seemed to stop the tears, like everything he'd been holding in was just spilling out onto what he wished was his lover. In that moment, all that existed was Kibum and the pillow that was becoming soaked, so when Jonghyun sat down on the bed Kibum almost leaped out of his skin. Nothing was said as they looked at eachother, the only sound was Kibum's continuing sobs. It stayed like that for a while, Jonghyun watching his dongsaeng with pity and making sure it didn't go any further than this.

"I really fucked up" Kibum mumbled into the pillow, trying to steady his breathing.

"Well yes, but you need to focus on fixing it rather than what you did wrong" Jonghyun replied.

"I don't know how to fix it" Kibum told him, sitting himself up on the bed.

"Well, start with why you started drinking" Jonghyun suggested, turning himself to face the younger better.

"I can't" Kibum replied simply, "But I know why I'll stop"

"I guess that works too" Jonghyun said, "You have to prove to him that you'll stop"

"Well I'm sure you already threw anything I had left away" Kibum replied, "And me being sober right now plus that is all the proof I have right now"

"Wait, what did he say to you when he left?" Jonghyun asked.

"Not to talk to him until I'm sober" Kibum answered.

"You're sober now, maybe he just wants to talk to you about your problem" Jonghyun suggested.

"Then why did he leave?" Kibum asked, "It's not just because I was drunk Jonghyun, there's more meaning behind it than that there always is"

"So take the thing that makes you want to drink so often out of your life" Jonghyun told him and Kibum's eyes went wide.

"I... I can't" Kibum managed, "I need it"

"Why would you need something that makes yo-"

"Because I do, you would understand if you knew what it was" Kibum told him, anger and sadness edging his voice, "Don't speak as if you know all the answers"

"If you want to continue this relationship with Jinki then you need to do something about it" Jonghyun replied, tone serious.

"I thought I was doing something about it, but I was just ruining myself" Kibum told him.

"There's always more methods, just find one that works that doesn't hurt you" Jonghyun replied, "And if you ever need help, don't forget we are all by your side"

"I never forget that" Kibum smiled slightly, "Have you eaten yet?"

"No" Jonghyun answered.

"I'll make us some breakfast then, anything in paricular you want?" Kibum asked, starting to get up.

"Let's just order soomething, I'll pay" Jonghyun suggested.

Kibum complied and sat back down on the bed as the older got out his phone. He didn't leave the bed that morning unless he had to go to the bathroom, he assumed it wasn't a good thing, but it wasn't bad either. He honestly didn't even want to leave his room.

"When is Chaeyeong coming back?" Kibum asked when the silence became to much.

"We're not sure, she thinks they'll let her come home when she chooses a husband" Jonghyun sighed, "I told her to just run away"

"You're still doubting her" Kibum observed.

"I'm afraid that either her parents will keep her away from me, or that she'll see all that money and change her mind" Jonghyun told him, laying down on the bed.

"Just trust her Jonghyun, the love between the two of you is the kind I want with someone one day" Kibum replied, "You two are like a picture perfect couple"

"Then why am I overwhelmed with the feeling that she's going to leave me?" Jonghyun asked himself, rubbing his face with his hands.

"Do you trust her?" Kibum asked and Jonghyun looked at him in disbelief.

"Of course I trust her" Jonghyun replied.

"If you truly trusted her with the situation, you wouldn't have that feeling" Kibum told him, "Have faith Kim Jonghyun"

AN: So, I'm an idiot and I posted this on the oneshots book instead of here. It's here now though and that's what matters. I have started a new book called New Message Received and it's chapters are shorter than these, but I hope if you decide to check it out that you enjoy it.