Settle down

Chapter 50

In this moment, when I'm safely held by Harry, all my anger seem to have vanished. I don't really care if he sees me cry, not now at least, it wouldn't be a first anyway. He gently presses my head against his hard chest and we stay like this until my tears finally run out. I still want to talk to him about earlier, but first I want to get out of here and I'm afraid that if I start a fight with him now, he'll leave me here again. I place my hands on his chest and I spot the tattooed birds that are peeking out under his          T-shirt. I can feel his eyes on me.

"Come on. Let's get you out of here." He softly says and takes my hand in his. We walk rather slowly side by side and by the way he walks the streets without even paying attention, I assume he's been here many times before. When we pass a group of men his hand lets go of mine and he instead hold me by my waist.

"What were you doing out here this late?" He asks with a low and soothing voice. He looks at me, but I keep my eyes on the ground.

"I was looking for you..." I admit. This is the first thing I've said to him so far and I hear that my voice is raspy and tired from the crying.

"Why?" He asks, but I somewhere believes that he already knows why. He's still holding me close and that makes me feel safe at the same time as scared.

"I wanted to find you and ask you about the way you acted." I can feel him flinching by my side.

"So you got lost out here tonight because of me?" He asks with a hint of guilt clear in his tone.

"Well... yeah, but it was my fault. I was stupid to think I would find you here where I don't know anything is... I'm sorry." I say. I'm happy we're talking without screaming at each other.

"Don't apologize." He shortly says so low I barely hear it. A few moments pass without anyone saying anything. It's silent, but not an awkward kind of silence. A part of me wants to walk like this with him for the rest of the night, but a bigger part of me needs to know the reason for his behavior earlier.

"So...Why did you say those thing earlier? Did you really not want to talk to me?" I say and he stiffens. I look up at him and his eyes lock with mine.

"About that. I'm sorry. You should forget that. I know it was a shitty thing to say to someone, but I was just confused and a little bit hurt, so.." He says. I can tell he's holding back some important information.

"So it had nothing to do with me? Calling people psychotic is maybe normal to you?" I say and my voice come off as if I'm mad again. I kind of regret asking it as the words leave my mouth.

"Okay Lola. Here's the deal..." He begins and I feel a lump growing inside of me. It happens every time he says my name. "I like you and that's rather new for me. That means I take it quite rough when the feelings aren't mutual, but I mean it's your life and...." Wait, what?

"Wait, wait, wait!" I say and stop in my tracks. He walks a few steps and then stop to look at me. "What do you mean 'the feelings aren't mutual'?!" I say and feel my face looking like a huge question mark. For the first time I think I see Harry look a little uncomfortable and.... nervous? We start walking again.

"Yeah, I mean I thought we had something going on, if you like, but then I heard from Paul and you know.... I know I was rude, but I do wish the best for you." I'm very confused now. Why is he talking about Paul?

"What did you hear from Paul? Harry I'm so confused." I say and start rubbing my temples. He looks at me like I'm some strange animal. He takes out his phone from his pocket and show me a picture.

"Paul sent me this and said that you guys were "together". Once again, I'm happy for you, but I don't get what you see in that dick...." The picture he holds in front of me is a picture of me sleeping and with Paul pressing his face against mine in a selfie. That disgusting grin of his is plastered across his face.

"Asshole!" I yell in chock. He must have taken that on the stupid sleepover yesterday. That little fucker.

"Sorry..." Harry apologizes. 

"No, no. Not you. I mean, I'm NOT in any way interested in Paul. I strongly dislike him and he must have taken this yesterday when I was at Sally's place. Harry, I'm sorry, I didn't tell you that Paul was there too. I didn't want to worry you or anything just because I really do like you. Sally invited him so I wouldn't feel like a third wheel, but I just thought of you the entire time and....." He interrupts me by pressing his body against mine and closing the space between us. When our lips touch I get a reminder of why I put up with all of this crap. I do because these moments are so special and powerful that it scares me.

"Stay with me tonight." Harry whispers to me when we part. I can feel his breaths to my face.

"Yes." I say without thinking. If I wasn't high on Harry right now, I would overthink everything and decline his proposal. All I know now is that I want to be with him, close to him.