what if we happened

38. Not Ready to Confess

Chapter 38: Not Ready to Confess

Seren

Sino bang nagsabing madaling mag-confess ng feelings sa isang tao?

Para lang iyon sa mga matatapang.

Para lang iyon sa mga baliw.

But for someone like me, tawagin man ang lahat ng santo, lumuhod man ang mga tala, bigyan man ako ng isang milyon at ibaon man ako sa lupa—kahit anong mangyari, none of it would make a difference. I still don't think I could ever gather enough courage to confess what I truly feel for Elias.

I don't just see Elias as someone I like, I see him as someone I want to spend my whole life with, gusto ko siyang maging boyfriend ko, husband ko, at future ko. The person I want beside me through every version of my life.

But to confess is to be brave.

Iyon ang unang hakbang. Kailangang tapangan. Alam kong isang salita lang ang sasabihin, isang pag-amin lang naman pero bakit napakabigat at napakahirap?

Maybe it's because confessing isn't just about saying the words. Pag-amin iyon na handa kang mawala ang kung anong meron kayo ngayon. Na handa kang marinig ang sagot na hindi mo gustong marinig. One wrong move, one confession said at the wrong time, and everything could change. At kapag nangyari iyon, if I lost him because of my feelings, hindi na ako makakahanap pa ng katulad niya.

I'm not brave enough for that.

I'm afraid that after I tell him, things will never feel the same again. That's why I would rather drop a million hints that I like him, hoping he'll understand without me ever having to say the words directly.

As long as I don't confess, there's still room for hope. There's still a chance for me to believe that maybe he feels the same way too.

Humarap ako kay Anais makalipas ang ilang segundo. Matipid akong umiling. "This is your moment. Ayaw kong agawin. You should go first, hindi ko pa talaga kaya," I told her seriously.

Yes, I knew about our deal. We promised each other we'd confess to the people we liked at the same time. Back then it sounded exciting, pero ngayon, habang palapit nang palapit ang ideya ng pag-amin, doon ko nararamdaman kung gaano ako kahina.

Maybe when it comes to love, I'm really coward.

Masaya pa kami ni Elias ngayon, gugustuhin ko bang masira agad iyon?

Pinaliit ni Anais ang kaniyang mga mata sa akin. "Ano pa bang hinihintay mo?" she interrogated, her brows knitting together. "Kapag nagka-girlfriend na siya, ha?"

My chest tightening at the thought. "Don't say that," I told her, my brow arched a little.

Seeing him with another girl, hindi ko kakayanin.

Katapusan ko iyon.

That's the irony, isn't it? I'm scared to confess because I might lose him. Pero sa hindi ko naman pag-amin, mas malaki naman ang posibilidad na mawala pa rin siya. Ewan ko na rin, gulong-gulo na ako.

"Masakit?" tanong niya pa. "That's exactly what happens when you keep your feelings to yourself."

Sinalubong ko ulit ang tingin niya. "Hindi ko pa nga talaga kaya," medyo naiinis kong sabi.

If that person really likes me, he will confess, not me.

She let out a frustrated sigh. "Hindi mo naman sinusunod 'yong deal natin, eh! Napakahina mo!" she complained as she lay down on the bed. "Ang usapan sabay tayong magco-confess! What kind of best friend are you? Iiwan mo akong mag-isa?"