She's Just a Human | Transformers

79: Eyes Other Than My Own

"Everything looks fine."

Jolt finishes his scan, for the second time. Bumblebee stands next to him, arms crossed tightly over his chest.
There just doesn't seem to be anything wrong. It should be reassuring, at first it was. But the more I look at Bee's expression the less I believe it.
His optics widen as he notices me staring, and he uncrosses his arms to give a step forward and place a servo over mine.

"I believe this is simply a case of sleepwalking." Jolt continues. "I'm guessing that hadn't happened before." He starts detaching the different wires from my frame and helm.

"I mean... not until recently." I sit up on the berth.

"~Well..." Bumblebee tilts his helm, making me shoot him a glance. A part of me didn't want to bring it up. I sigh. I suppose it's never a good idea to lie to your medics, right?

"I had what I thought was a nightmare some nights ago." My gaze drops to the floor.

"I remember..." Jolt slowly coils the wires in his servos, and places them over the screens next to the berth.

"I think it was a memory."

"You told me it had been about the forced transformation." Jolt raises an optic. Thankfully, he's less intimidating than Ratchet is.

"In the end it was. But it didn't start that way." I look up at him, feeling shame and fear rising up in me. "I was home. Back in Oregon, but a long time ago. Before Chicago. Before NEST even." I bring my hands together over my lap and begin fidgeting with my digits. "And I... transformed. But I didn't feel like myself." I frown, "Actually, I didn't feel anything at all."

"I think,-"

"That's not it." I look back up at him. "I was threatening my mom. With..." I raise an arm and look over it, I can picture the way it was transformed into a blaster, the way I was aiming at my own mother. I drop it back down over my lap. "But then my dad came in, and he kept talking to me like... like I wasn't myself. The thing is, I'm not sure I was."

Silence drapes around us, heavy and thick.

"Memory is a tricky thing, Caelyn." Jolt speaks softly, bending down slightly to look at my face. "You're going through a difficult process right now. You're adjusting to a massive change in your life. And the mind bears the strain as well." He places a servo on my shoulder. "I know you, and I'm certain you would never even think about hurting your parents. I know it's easier said than done, but I think you should stop doubting yourself so much. You know who you are. Believe it."

I grimace slightly, unsure.

"How about this," Jolt stands straight once more and gives Bumblebee a small pat on the shoulder. "We'll keep an eye out for anything strange that might happen in your sleep. If you promise to try to believe in yourself a little more."

My optics jump between Jolt and Bee for a moment. I let out a breath.

"Ok."

-)././.(-

Memory is a tricky thing, Caelyn.

You're going through a difficult process right now.

And the mind bears the strain as well.

You know who you are.

Believe it.

-)././.(-

There's a sound I think I recognise. Metallic.
Then a small movement. I feel myself shift on my feet.
Everything is quiet now. Even as I move, not a sound is made.
There's a smell, like humidity and dust. Familiar now, it seems.