A Summer Fling (Aris x Reader AU)

48) Acceptable Ringtones

"Y/N, Popcorn's being mean again,"I complained as the goat decided I was the perfect target to headbutt. Here I am trying to feed them, and this is the thanks I get.

"They're goats. It's what they do,"she said simply, scratching one of them on their head. Of course she'd say that. They're worshipping her while I'm their target practice.

"Do it again, and I'll turn you into popcorn,"I whispered, narrowing my eyes at him.

"Seriously? This is just the chickens all over again,"she complained, shaking her head in disappointment.

"I'm being viciously attacked, and I'm the probl-that's still my leg,"I was cut off. Looking at me with those ridiculous eyes and small horns, he was no doubt threatening to murder me in my sleep. He may have everyone else fooled, but I see right through him.

"He's trying to play with you,"she insisted.

"He's beating me up. I'm being beaten up by a goat. And losing."

"That's how he plays. Just pet him."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because he's going to ram my hand off,"I said firmly, throwing some of their feed anyway. I refuse to sink to his level, seeing as that's the depths of hell.

"Stop being dramatic,"she sighed, now surrounded by yet another creature that wanted her affection.

"Leave my internal monologues alone,"I huffed, leaning forward to make sure she couldn't tell. As slowly as possible, I reached my hand down. When I just barely scraped his head, I kneeled just enough. She doesn't need to know that despite his many flaws, I'm already attached to him.

She was distracted with the loving crowd. Taking the risk, I patted his back. When I saw one of them move out of the corner of my eye, I quickly pulled away, casually leaning against the fence. I am completely calm and collected. There's nothing suspicious about this at all.

"You're such a good boy, aren't you? Are you gonna behave while we get this coat off? Are you gonna be good?"

Wow. And to think I thought that nickname meant something. To make it worse, they probably won't. They're not exactly the best at following directions. I'm pretty sure they can turn their hearing off. That genuinely has to be the only explanation.

But alas, we can't let them suffer. Even if they did just get taken care of three weeks ago.

"Come on, Popcorn. I guess I'll help you out,"I sighed, daring to sit on the small stool. I felt Y/N give me a look that I definitely didn't deserve. I'm the victim in this situation. I'm the one whose shins are being brutally abused.

Then again, she has no problem doing the exact same thing. All because I very kindly sometimes point out something factual. When she paints me as an elf, it's totally fine. When I make a cute nickname, suddenly I'm the villain?

"I will remember this day for the rest of my life,"I warned.

"Sure, Aris. Sure."

"And I'm taking Popcorn with me when I go."

"No you're not."

"You know what? I'm taking the chickens too."

"Aris!"

"What?! They like dirt!"

"You're not burying the animals with your grave."

I can't believe this injustice. She never lets me do anything.

☆ ☆ ⁠☆

Leaning against the bed, I immersed myself in an unrealistic world. Not unrealistic because it had dragons or took place on another planet but because there was no way someone could be this terrible and this oblivious to their own behavior. Then again, I think I've met actual humans more insufferable than a senseless, lying murderer.