Stuck On You

chapter 41: weisz admits everything

chapter 41: weisz admits everything

~weisz~

       I stare at the fire pit, once again feeling left out from my team's conversations. All I can do is listen to what they're talking about, wishing I could jump in. But I know that if I do, they'll either ignore me or change the conversation. 

       Honestly, part of me just wants to head to my room to sleep, but Freida insists on everyone participating in the final night's bonfire. Not really a bonfire for me since I'm not included. 

       "Alright, everyone, I'd like your attention," Freida says, ending the conversation happening right now. "First off, I'd just like to say how proud I am of all of you for working so hard during this training camp. I definitely saw improvement to your skills, and I'm confident you'll do well during the next competition. But unfortunately, I still don't think your team bond is as strong as it could be."

       I still stare at the fire, but I can feel eyes on me. I want to say something, but I stay silent. I tried. I really tried. It's not my fault that everyone else decided that I didn't deserve to be on the team.

       "I think now is the best time for everyone to say what is on their mind," Freida says. "Try our best to speak honestly to each other about our grievances." I don't think that Freida realizes this only gives people the opportunity for people to say how I don't deserve a spot on the team. How people they know worked so much harder than me and deserves a spot on the team.

       "I have something to say," Marina says.

       "The floor is yours," Freida says.

       "You said we can speak honestly," Marina says. "So I'm going to be honest and think that it's totally unfair that someone gets to take frequent breaks during training while the rest of us has to keep pushing through." 

       At this point, I'm not completely fed up. How can no one even stop to think that maybe, there's a reason why I was allowed to take breaks? Or if they paid attention, maybe they could have noticed that I tried pushing through. Freida was the one telling me to stop and take a break when she saw that I needed one.

       "You might as well just say my name," I say.

       "Weisz..." Reno says softly, hoping his tone would be enough to calm me down, but I just can't calm down. I've tried to stay calm throughout the training camp. 

       "So you know that I'm talking about you," Marina says. 

       If Freida wants honesty, the team is going to get honesty.

       "Obviously," I say. "You guys didn't exactly hide the fact that you don't like me. Ignoring me. Icing me out. Did any of think for even a moment that there could have been a legitimate reason why I was given those breaks? Or did you notice that I tried to push through even after Freida told me to take a break?"

       "That shouldn't matter."

       "It does matter. You guys want to know why I was given those breaks? Fine. I'm recovering from having leukaemia twice and I still have to work up my stamina. My doctor gave me the go ahead to surf again as long as I don't push myself. And before any of you start like Kyle did, no, I didn't get a spot on my team because of my cancer. Freida didn't find out I had it until after I gave her my medical form. So I hope you guys are real happy icing me out when this whole time, I had a medical reason as to why I wasn't pushing myself as much as you."

       I get up and walk back to the house. Freida calls after me, but I ignore her. She is a great coach, but the conversation she started just gave people the opportunity to 'call me out' for not taking things seriously. She could have at least given me a heads up that she was going to let people air out their grievances.

       Reno got up to follow me back into the house. "You okay?" he asks as I flop down on the bed in our bedroom.

       I sigh heavily. "No. Not really. Honestly, I feel like it would have been better for me to be an independent surfer than to surf on a team. Then I wouldn't have to worry about people thinking I'm being treated unfairly."

       "They all looked guilty as hell when you left," Reno says. "I'd say they learned their lesson, but I know that doesn't change how the treated you."

       "Yeah." I turn on my side to face Reno, who has gotten on the bed beside me. "I'm just really tired of having to tell people about my cancer. Once people find out, they start treating me like I'm delicate. Like I'm going to break at any moment. And now that my team knows, and you said they looked guilty, I bet they're going to start treating me that way."

       "Then tell them not to," Reno says. "Tell them that you want them to treat you like everyone else. And I know it sucks that you had to tell them, but at least they won't be icing you out anymore."

       "I'm not sure if I'd rather them only talk to me out of pity or ice me out."

       "It won't be out of pity. It would be more like them realizing their mistakes. Look, I'm sure it didn't help that Kyle was the one instigating it all. If he kept his mouth shut, maybe the others would have realized that there was probably a reason you were granted breaks. But he had to run his mouth and manipulate others into thinking it's not fair. If they apologize, genuinely apologize, then it's not out of pity."

       "I guess..."

       "Would it make you feel better if I put on my leather jacket right now?"

       I laugh a bit. "Yeah, it would, but you don't have to. I would rather just sleep with you right now."

       "Oh?"

       "Sleep, Reno. Just sleep. I am tired, so I just want to snuggle."

       "Whatever you say."

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there are so many of my books i'll update and i'll look back to see when i last updated and be shocked by when i last updated. like what do you mean i last updated in december??? i could have sword it was more recently :(