Two Bassists > C.T.H.

Chapter 8:

January 2018

Everything was numb. The winter frost, the whipping wind, the tear-soaked t-shirts, calls and texts from family, not even Ella's warm hugs could cure my grief.

My heart was more numb than anything in my body. My fingertips were always icy cold and Terra's constantly red eyes helped nothing.

My dad was worse. He locked himself in the bedroom, cuddling the blankets that were quilted for special, just for my mom.

So on January 5, 2018, at 1:19, I did not expect an urgent call from the hospital. I also did not expect the news to be broken so vaguely, quickly, and bluntly.

"She passed away right after we ended the call," Jolie tells us.

Of course, Terra and my dad are in tears, I am not. Too many feelings that crowd my heart, my tummy, my head and my eyes stop any crying- but nothing beats the sickness in my stomach. I believed myself when I said "You did everything you could've." But I didn't later that day.

I should've helped more at dinnertime when she was home, I should've gotten an actual job, I should've offered to pay rent. Most of all, I should've said 'I love you' more often.

I always told Ella that her hugs were the best; She put full force against your body, making sure that your embrace was assuring and that you knew she was there for you.

Luke, Calum, Michael and Ashton were there as well. They all crowd the area on my couch back at home; Ella on my left, holding me closely. Calum on my right, rubbing circles on my thigh. Ashton to his right, holding a box of tissues. Michael just past him, sitting on the arm of my couch, staring at me with assuring eyes. Luke was on Ella's left side, slightly awkward because he had nothing to say.

Even though they weren't saying much, their presence was enough to know that they cared.

"You're going to be okay," Ella tells me as she toys with my long, brown hair.

I'm not okay, I think, but squint my eyes without saying anything.

I never liked the thought of pity, and everyone coming to me saying "I'm sorry for your loss," but right now that's all I wanted.

"Can you do me a favor?" I finally ask Ella.

"Yeah, anything," She nods, keeping one of her hands on my shoulder.

"Talk to Terra for me. I haven't been able to," Ella looks confused at my request, but nods anyway and leaves down the hall.

"I want to apologize for crying for about thirty minutes straight," I slightly laugh while scooting closer to Luke, letting Michael fit on the couch.

"No apology needed," Luke says with a small smile.

"You didn't have to come," This time I face to my right; Where Calum, Ashton and Michael are sitting.

"But we wanted to," This time Michael speaks, "Because you are our friend."

"And I know your opinion with pity," Calum's lips tugs into a smile while talking, "Don't give us that bullshit - That you don't want attention."

I scoff at him and roll my eyes, but smile back.

Ashton made the good choice of changing the subject to tear my mind off my grief. We talked about so much stuff and just laughed with each other for the next twenty minutes until Ella returned. It was already getting late, and I knew the boys and her were leaving sooner than later.

"How is she?" I ask her when she stops in the hallway.

"The same as you," Ella admits, "And I have to leave. My manager and publicist called me in there and told me to start getting ready for my flight."