Rewind (Completed)

Chapter 9: Wild and Crazy

Chapter 9: Wild and Crazy

I step into the house, perplexed. It's been so long since I've last been here. 

I just about jump out of my skin when I hear his voice, "Here's a blanket and a pillow." He proceeds by throwing it my way. I react quickly and catch it in the nick of time. I can't help but feel like he was aiming for my face. "I'd tell you to get out, but we both know that's not happening." He yawns, obviously tired and not in the mood to put up with me and my stubbornness. "I'm assuming that you still remember where the guestroom is." He says, subtly granting me permission to use the room I once called my own.

Jay starts retreating upstairs, heading for his own bedroom. Out of desperation, I call out to him, "Can't we just talk about this?"

Jay spins back around to face me, his eyes narrowing as he stares me down with intensity, "You said one month, it's been five years." He states, allowing me to see his anger, now that he's finally revealed it. He's not holding back anymore.

"Are we ever going to talk about anything other than all the lies I told you?" I question humorously, not liking where this topic is going. I want to explain myself, but on my own terms. I don't appreciate being interrogated, and I have a feeling Jay's about to rocket launch all his questions my way any second now.

                            I'm wrong.

Instead of asking me everything that we both know has been circulating around his head for the last five years, he just makes one single statement that ends up crushing my persistence, "Before, I would have killed to have you back in my life - but now, I would kill to have you leave it." He says, emotionless.

I nod awkwardly, unsure how to respond to something so cruel, "Harsh." I say meekly, knowing that I deserve this. I indisputably lied to him when I said that I was only leaving for a month - now I'm paying for it and taking in what I first dished out.

"I've been swamped with races and quite frankly, I'm too tired to care much for this conversation right now." He tells me straight forwardly, an indifferent expression on his face. He then surprises me by whistling. A small dog emerges from the kitchen excitedly, the fluffy tail wagging back and forth enthusiastically. Jay crouches down and the fuzzy furball jumps up into his arms. Jay notices me staring, "Don't recognize your own puppy?" He asks rudely, "Then again, Slobber isn't much of a pup anymore." He ends in a clipped tone.

Feeling on edge, I shift in stance. Seeing Slobber, my little pup, all grown up really puts the time that has past into perspective. "You cared for him all this time?" I manage to ask without tearing up, Slobber jutting out his nose as he eagerly sniffs the air. The pup starts barking when he takes in my scent. It's an indication that he remembers me. Slobber struggles in Jay's arms to get free as a result.

"He's alive, isn't he?" Jay asks sharply as he hands me the overzealous puppy. Jay doesn't wait to see my reaction as he retires to his room, leaving me behind with my dog. Technically, Slobber is Jay's dog now. Jay's the one who has taken care of him for the past five years, not me. Jay deserves Slobber; I don't.

I glance down at my pup in adoration. Slobber - excited - begins licking my hand and gently nibbling on my fingers, refusing to leave my arms. Guilt stirs up within me at the sight of the fuzzball. I should have never left him behind, nor should I have left Jay. Then on the other hand, it was leaving that first made me independent and able to put my past behind me.

When I left, I learned to stop relying on other people. I learned to let go of the pain that Yolanda and my father caused - I can now finally say that I have forgiven them (doesn't mean I have to like them). I learned to bury the past and drop the weight and control it once had over my life. I even learned to put my biological mother's name to rest. I've grown, and for that to have happen, I had to have left. I had to face it all on my own in order to conquer it all on my own. It wasn't an overnight task. It took time. It was a tough five year journey that I had to endure through. But now, I can finally say that I've come to the end of it. Mentally and emotionally, I am where I'm supposed to be. I had to leave in order to get where I am now.