"First Love" ( Super Junior Romance feat EXO )

Nightmares and Daydreams

~Catie's POV~

Its been a week since I left South Korea and still, everyday for the past seven days, I've had the same horrible dream... or maybe I should call it a nightmare.

Anyway, It always starts the same. With me falling asleep praying that last night's experience wouldn't repeat itself and then inevitably doing so. The good part was, it also always ended the same way so, in a way, I was already prepared to witness what my subconscious wanted me to see. 

But, even if I was prepared, the outcome wouldn't change. No matter how long the dream repeated itself I would always wake up screaming and drenched in sweat, crying my eyes out and wishing I was the one with amnesia.

The dream/horrible nightmare, as usual, started as a nice and peaceful collage of memories of me and Hae at the amusement park - the Ferris wheel, our time in New York and our visit to the Empire State Building, the romantic dinner he'd put up for me before that, our nights together watching our favorite movies and how close we would get - and then all of a sudden everything changed.

~ Flashback ~

I'm holding Hae's hand and we're walking through our neighborhood in New York. I look at him and I smile at his sweet perfection.

How can someone like this be mine? What did I do to deserve such a man?

As soon as I think this, his hand disappears from mine and Donghae is no longer by my side. I look around and see him running, screaming my name as if he was desperately searching for me. I yell at him trying to catch his attention but it's hopeless. He turns towards where I'm standing helpless and I think he saw me, at last. He runs in my direction and I open my arms to welcome him again but, when I thought I was so close I would touch him, he goes right through me, like a ghost in one of those horrible second grade Hollywood horror movies.

"What's going on?"

I call his name again and I see him running past me again, only this time I can see myself on the other side of the busy road and Hae is running towards the other me without even shearing a look at the ongoing traffic.

I find my legs again and run towards him trying to prevent his upcoming death. But they are too slow I can't reach him in time. I hear the screeching of the tires on the road and a loud collision noise.

I scream!

-Aniiiiiiiiiiii!

In shock, I watch him get thrown in the air by a speeding car and fall onto the road several feet away, his body battered and broken.

Like a devilish irony I am finally able to run at a normal speed only to find another person next to Hae. I get closer and I see Sehun kneeling beside Hae's unconscious body.

-Noona?! Otoke?! Noona, please, what should I do? Hae... Donghae hyung his... noona... jebal!

I kneel in front of him and take Hae into my arms, glad to see that he is still breathing beneath all those cuts and bruises.

-Sehunie, please call 911! Tell them what happened! Go! Now!

As he moves away from us to make the call with his shaking hands filled with blood, Hae opens his eyes and looks at me. He tries to speak but I stop him from doing so.

-Shhhh! Save your strength. You'll be okay.

He doesn't listen to me and speaks anyway.

-Cat... I'm... I'm so sorry...

-For what? Hae what are you saying?

I notice his breathing is getting hard and more painfully as he struggles to form the words he so desperately wants me to hear. Suddenly I feel my eyes tearing and the hot salty fluid runs down my face.

-I'm so so sorry for...huff...for not keeping my promise. I... I thought we...were going to get married. I'm so sorry... my little Fox.

I panic as I feel his strength abandon him.

-Ani! Hae?! Hae, don't go! Don't fall asleep! We can make it, we can still get married. You'll be fine Hae, just... just don't let go! Hae!? HAE!!!!!

His eyes flutter shut as the love of my life draws his last breath in my arms. I see Sehun running back to me after hearing my screams and his crying joins mine as he looks at Hae's lifeless body. Then, the world starts spinning and growing darker by the second and I realize I'm passing out.

~End of Flashback ~

That's when I wake up screaming and crying. Everyday the same, same fear, same pain, same horror, same loss. And today is no different.

I wake up soaking wet, with a sore throat and red eyes and as soon as I lean back on my bed, my mom opens my door and seats beside me.

-Honey, what's wrong? Was it that bad dream again?

-Yeap. It's stupid I know...

She hugged me

- Oh, Honey. It's not stupid. You miss him. I know that you feel like that boy's accident was your fault. But you have to realize, my sweet, that there was nothing you could do.

- Yes. I could have stayed with him that night. I could have prevented that fight we had. And everything would be okay between us. Ans now he doesn't even remember me. It must be some sort of punishment or some bad karma.

She surprised me for smiling and petting my face carefully.

- You're not being punished for anything. Just relax and enjoy your time here with us. I expect you to be on your way back to your life as soon as your father comes back from the hospital.

- What life, mom? Do I still have a life there after what I did?

- Yes. I do believe you still have your life there waiting for you. After all, you did not study hard everyday for ten to thirteen years just to quit now. Honey, that's not you and you know it. Now, stop being a drama queen and get some rest. If you can't sleep than go walk the dog and you'll be better after a while. God knows how I can't think of anything else when than beast of a dog starts running with me leashed onto him.

She laughed at some memory that popped in her mind. She softly squeezed my hands and left the room. As she closed the door I took a deep breath, cleaned the tears out of my eyes and got up.

- Thank you mom. You're the best.