Insecure

02

"It is sooooooo boring" I groan for the fourth time. "You need friends" my mom says. "I'd have some if I hadn't been taken away" I say and she sighs.

"It's not my fault" She says. Of course not. Nothing's ever your fault. Stop playing yourself short. It is your fault. "Of course not mom" I say sarcastically.

She didn't notice so I unlocked my phone and started playing a game.

It's really completely sad that you don't realize that everything you didn't do to protect your kids from a no good man, their blaming you. It's your fault own up to it.

||End of Flashback||

June 28, 2015

Dear Diary,

I've just woken up and decided that this is something I maybe can do. It's 2 and hot. I don't know what we're going to do today but hopefully it's something fun. I'll do more later but I really have to pee.

Sarah-Jane Hines

I hurriedly put the notebook up and rushed to the bathroom. I did my business, washed my hands and came out to be face to face with Wagner. I didn't say anything because for one, I looked terrible. Two, he could have heard me going and three it was just weird. I kept my head down and went to my mom's room.

"What are we doing today" I ask knowing she got paid today.

"Paying bills" She says and I nod and walk out. I go back to my room and changed out of my pajamas.

It wasn't as hot as yesterday so I slipped on some grey skinny jeans, 5SOS shirt and black converse. I applied some lip gloss, fixed my hair and walked out to see everybody together already. I wasn't gone for more than 10 minutes at least.

"Bye" Lamar says as he and Wagner got out the car. I simply just turn my head. A lot of things have changed.

"Where are we going now" I ask my mom who was going a familiar route. "Just ride" She says and I turn my music on.

13 minutes later

We pull up to my favorite restaurant and I couldn't stop smiling. I let Faythe out while Grace gets out on her own. We go in and sit at a booth.

"What would you like to drink" Our waitress Kim asks. "Water" My mom says.

"Lemonade" I say. "And for those two" Kim asks. "Lemonade" My mom says and Kim nods walking away.

"I'll make their plates and you watch them" My mom says and I nod. It was routine.

Grace leaves going after mom and I sit there with Faythe.

"Hi" I say. She looks at me and smiles. I smile back and then she turns her attention back towards mom.

A few minutes later we get our drinks and mom brings their plates. I get up and make my plate. Just as I was doing so, a boy and lady came in. Wasn't this place full already? I hurriedly made my plate but didn't put a lot on it.

"Is that all" My mom asks when I sit down. I nod and she goes back eating.

Done with my food, I sit there and watch Faythe put her food everywhere but in her stomach. It was quite funny actually.

Once everyone finished, we got a box to go and leave. Even though I didn't have much I felt full. That happened whenever I haven't eaten anything. We head back home and I strip out of my clothes to take a shower.

I wash my body and hair but I forgot my clothes, so I had to make a break for it. As I opened the door, my brother's other friend, Ross was waiting. What is it about this bathroom?

He covers his eyes even though I wasn't naked. I put my head down and rushed to my room. I dry off and put on my pajamas then grab my phone and head to the kitchen. Hoping none of the boys are there.

Gladly they weren't. "Hey, can you make the pizza" My mom says as I pass her room.

"Sure" I say and head to the kitchen. I look through the cabinets and find everything I need.

I turn my music on and put my phone in my pocket. I sing-along and nod my head to the music. "Rewind, Friday night never forget it

How you let me go

No more lies I'll be fine I know where I'm headed

Probably should've known

Now you're going to say pretty please forgive me

Fool me once told you twice you're going to regret it

Now you're all alone yeah

Turns out that no one can replace me

I'm permanent you can't erase me

I'll have you remember me

One more kiss is all it takes

I'll leave you with the memory and the aftertaste." After that I changed the song and "The Hills", by the Weeknd came on.

I finished making the pizza and put it in the oven. I danced while making another.

After about 20 minutes I finished with the pizza and told the boys to come eat. I got a few pieces and went to my room and eat. I got on twitter and saw a trend about the 5SOS tour. I faved and retweeted a few tweets and then closed my eyes.

No. I didn't sleep. I couldn't. I hear the annoying sound of my phone going off. I continue to lay there until something told me to look and I did. "Murderized: this is so fucking cute someone give me a daughter" (Insert Vine Link)

I looked at the video and awed, then commented "I have two sisters you can have, they're free". My phone kept buzzing and then quit before starting up again. Murderized is going crazy tonight.