Insecure

20

October 23, 2015

Dear Diary,

My birthday is today. I lied to Cody about it because I didn't think it really mattered. He didn't talk to me all that day either. Me and Chelsea are straying away from each other. She's a bad influence on me. Long story short, it's none of your business.

My mom let me stay home for the day so we could do lunch but that got cancelled and we are doing dinner instead. My brother as always has to take away my shine in some way, it's just one day. That's it, that's all I need one day with just me, myself and I.

"Happy birthday " My mom says and I half smile. "Thanks" I say and look back at my phone. "Did you want a cake" my mom asks and I shrug. "Maybe cupcakes" I say and she nods. That was our conversation.

Nothing big ever happens and I'm okay with it. I don't expect much from anybody anymore. Why would I? I look at the facts and see that no one can love me, like I love me. In that case they can, what's to love?

Sarah-Jane Hines

"We're going to eat after your brother gets home" my mom says and I nod. What if he doesn't come? Not as if he were to die just not come back tonight. Its known for him to do so. My mom's phone rings and I walk away. I could careless for others conversations when I don't have many myself.

A text pops up on my phone, I open it but I didn't get to read it because my phone rings. "Hello" I ask. "Happy birthday! " Cody yells in my ear. "Tone it down dude or I'm gonna be deaf" I say. "Sorry. I had decided against singing. Yelling is more our thing" Cody says.

"I yell. You just make me laugh" I say. "Good to know." Cody says. "Whatcha doin on this fine day. " I ask. "Driving" Cody says a little quiet. "What did I say about that" I ask. "But you're not in the car." Cody says. "That makes no difference." I say. "I'm at a gas station anyway so in your face" Cody says.

"What are you doing today"? Cody asks. "Most likely nothing" I say. "Your mom's not taking you anywhere." Cody asks. "We're waiting on Lamar who should have been here 30 minutes ago" I say. "Ah." Cody says. "Well see ya in a few"Cody says and hangs up. See ya in a few?

...

Turns out Lamar isn't even coming back today. Like I said, he has to ruin everything. "Can you please answer the door?" my mom yells from her room. I groan but do it anyways, I was still in my pajamas fingers crossed it isn't anyone important.

When I open the door, I see Cody and just let him in. "You know. You could have just told me you were coming" I say. "It would've ruined my surprise" Cody says and I turn around. "Hi! You must be Sam. I am Sarah-Jane. I'm sorry you have to see me like this" I say and she smiles.

"It's fine and Happy Birthday" Sam says. "Thank you" I say and guide them to the living room. "So what are you two doing here" I ask. "We were coming to hang with you on your birthday. I'm glad I talked to your mom. Cody says. "Sorry about that" I say. "I bet. Has Chelsea called you" Cody asks. "We don't talk anymore" I say.

"Chelsea? Your girlfriend" Sam says and I give Cody a look. He gives me one back. "Yeah. No, she's my friend. I'm single at the moment" I say and wink at her. "You should go get some clothes on." Cody says.

"Oh right. Be right back watch some tv." I say and point towards the remote. I made a pit stop at my mom's room. "Really?" I say. "What? At least it's a birthday with someone other than your family" my mom says and I go to my room.

I suppose. It will be alright but me and Cody are going to have to talk. That was not okay? But I understand.